The Daily Retro: Language



Henry Ward Beecher says:

Young love is a flame;
very pretty,
often very hot and fierce,
but still only light and flickering.
The love of the older and disciplined heart
is as coals,
deep-burning, unquenchable.

The Flip Side of The Equation

so, maybe the Muscleheaded Blog is getting a little long in the tooth.

as long as I keep getting mail,
I’ll always have something to blog about.

One of the Muscleheaded Blog’s most popular posts ever
( 3 people ‘liked’ it so far )
was a piece called ” Why Mature Women Make Better Lovers “…

readitwrongNow, when I wrote that,
… it never occurred to me,
that I would be asked to argue the opposite end of the equation —

Namely, “Why Mature Men
(sorta like me, for instance) Are Better Lovers”.

Then, I get an email from an old reader of mine who demanded to know why I hadn’t done it yet.

I replied to her query,
quite accurately,
that since I really had no experiences from that particular second-person perspective on which to write —

what turned out to be a complete misunderstanding at one Mardi Gras, in the late 1970’s…

… and of which,
the less said the better, I guess…

Let’s just say that — the lack of an Adam’s Apple–
might not always be the most dependable guide to use
after a night of
dim lights,
and drinking….

But, I digress.after

I told her I wouldn’t even know where to start.

She answered that she meant that being an almost middle-aged man myself,

and being the world-famous redhead-crazy guy that I am:

I should be able to explain/defend why a redhead,
or ANY woman,
should choose one of us mature dudes,
— instead of a younger, more …. well, energetic one.morning after

Then she used the ‘B’ word.

Ya know, the B word —


Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeettttttttttttt ?

Unless, of course, I wasn’t UP to the challenge.

I’m ALWAYS up for it.

that fact makes it difficult to walk around in polite society,aftera
but never mind all that now.

So —
Here We Go with :
Muscleheaded’s Top Five Reasons Why Mature Men Are Better :




Number One: baby

Most ladies like to know a man she’s thinking about dating is independent and resourceful.

If he’s still living in his parents’ basement, that really should be a warning sign…

… not to mention, put a real crimp on any nightcap action.

And if it turns out that his Mommy picked out his outfit for the date, even more so.

But that rule about ‘getting home before midnight’ should really seal the deal, man.

I dunno, though —
I guess some women are always looking for someone to baby.


Number Two:text

Mature males have experience…

… and that experience should translate into knowing what to do,

— and not to do, to make a date successful.

There are standards, ya know.

For instance,

no mature male would consider asking a first date to spend her evening on a torn up old couch eating cold pizza and watching him play video games….

highscoreSure, a kid could be close to beating the high score and getting all kinds of cool advanced-level stuff like special access to the ‘fire world’, upgraded Zorbs, or double-secret-interdimensional-world-destroying-laser weapons….

… that might seem all important to him,
but I’d bet the average MILF wouldn’t it find it all that endearing of a goal set.

I could find much better things to do on an old couch,
…… and then, not on a first date.shalli

Even if stuff really was moving that fast,

… every mature man knows that clean sheets are a minimum requirement for any date worth dating.

And I simply must eat first.

We all know that eating out is a good way to gauge someone’s personality and taste,

— and so we mature fellers are careful picking the right place, with the right atmosphere.

Sure, choosing a restaurant can be tricky–

But it goes without saying that the drive-up window at Jack-In-The-Box isn’t a good choice,

— no matter how good their ‘seasoned curly fries’ are.erect

And a man should be able to recognize that inviting his Mom along on the first date–

…. regardless of how long it has been since she’s been out of the house,

is also gonna be a really bad idea.


Number Three:

Having something intelligent to talk about on your date would probably help ease the tension, and help you get to know each other better.

dimplesBut, how a grown woman would carry on a conversation with a young man today,

— using the currently popular system of
gutter slang,
and emoticons,
I have no idea….

And while she’s at it,
she’d better make sure her cell phone is fully charged, too….

Chances are good,
she’ll spend more time texting him than talking to him.


Number Four:

The one thing I always notice women list as an advantage when dating younger men is their ‘enthusiasm’.

While I myself think enthusiasm in women is a wonderful thing,

— in men,panin
I see it more in terms of a natural phenonema —

You can choose the unpredictability and volatility of a ‘Krakatoa’ eruption–

(Mother Nature’s version
wham, bam, thank you ma’am” ) —

— or the dependability and crowd pleasing satisfaction of an ‘Old Faithful’.

— millions of visitors to Yellowstone can’t be wrong. )

A mature man isn’t going to wet himself (or others) rise
on the first slow dance,

or at the first sight of the curvature and musculature of a semi-naked woman,

—— no matter how hot and sexy she is.

On the other hand,

he knows how to moderate his consumption and conduct,

… so that when it is time to gird his loins for battle,
his weaponry is clean, locked and loaded.

And pretty well concealed, too — mostly.

As a matter of fact,

at zero hour,

a woman can always count on a mature man to spend an inordinate time on foreplay —

——– it’s as much for his own ‘benefit’ as it is for hers.lad

don’t tell anybody that I let you in on that, please… )

Failing that,
for whatever reason,

An older man will always find it easier to get his Doctor to write a scrip for them little blue pills thingees,

— if such a thing should ever become necessary —

One never knows how the street acquired stuff will affect ones’ ability to rise to the occasion, ya know.


Number Five:3

You’ll never have to worry about a mature man
caring what
his parents,
schoolmates think of you.

The only peer pressure that he’s worried about is the office gossip getting around
about that time at Mardi Gras in the late 1970’s.