Barely Spring

nbearWait …

….. don’t go all weird on me
and get the wrong idea, here.

I know that since I have a habit of
back-flipping my post titles ad-nauseam,

… that some of you are gonna assume
I’m going rogue on ya —

In order to satisfy both my need to be pun-ny,

And also some sick-sad-and-mostly-sublimated desire–rule34

— to show the world the very interesting pin-up shaped ‘birthmark’
that I have on the area around my tensor fasciae latae.

I won’t deny I’m a bit of an exhibitionist,

….. but usually that’s reserved for Orient Beach,

my friend Bunny’s world-famous hot-tub parties,

or the occasional Dolphins pre-season game.bear

But today,

it’s not happenin’,

so, you,

my friend,

are either very lucky,

or have very bad taste.


our cheap pun revolves around another kinda bare.

And plural, too —


Years ago,
I visited Jellystone Park —tablemanners

… err…. I mean,

Yellowstone Park.

The favorite attraction there,
with adults and children alike,

— seemed to be the resident bears.

People would be driving along at 30 MPH ,1

and suddenly brake to a dead stop,

if they spotted one lounging around within 4000 yards of the road.

Hikers would walk miles and miles
just to visit a site said to be ‘frequented’ by bears.

Usually, people came home feeling a bit disappointed, though–

They were expecting something a little less wildpicnic

The kids would be screaming to pet ’em,
and the parents all wanted to pose with ’em.

Signs everywhere warned NOT TO DO THAT.

But you know how people are …

they once saw bears on TV’s Wonderful World of Disney, maybe–

and they were …. well….hey

You know,

…. like they’d all be wearing fedora hats,

and hanging around with
effeminate, buzz-killing bear-buddies named Boo-Boo.

Or dancing and singing to
The Bare Necessities ” from ‘Jungle Book’.OutcaultBear

And of course,

the bears loved or loathed the attention —

Depending on whether it was accompanied by bologna sandwiches,

fried chicken,

……… or the stray edible-looking child.

Feeding the bears?

Signs everywhere warned NOT TO DO THAT, either.

I felt kinda sorry for the bears, truthfully.

They are so truly awesome and wild —

— and they got so little respect.bear

You can really see this
in some of the postcards
from Yellowstone National Park
in the 1960’s.

I’d like to see how people would act
if bears suddenly showed up in
THEIR neck of the woods for a change.


The idea today was just to post some stuff related to bears–

that I had on my hard-drive at work ,1900

Stuff that I needed to get the hell off of there,

before somebody took exception to it being there.

I like bears,

as you can probably tell,

And I’m padding this post as much as I can–

— in order to get as many of these postcards in —

as you can also probably tell.

Hey, art ain’t easy, you know.

Although what I’d know about the subject,
you gotta wonder.

Oh well…lilbearbehind

maybe I’ll get lucky,

you’ll be in good mood,

…. and not cuss me out for being too lazy
to write a better, more erudite post.

You might even leave a nice friendly comment,

saying how wonderful the Muscleheaded blog is,

….. and how sexy,
and good looking
the author of this damn thing is.



HOY !!!!!



Kate Chopin says:

chopin” The voice of the sea is seductive;
never ceasing,
whispering, clamoring, murmuring,
inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude;
to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.

The voice of the sea speaks to the soul.
The touch of the sea is sensuous,
enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace. “

Matthew Fox says:


“Looking for and enjoying beauty is a way to nourish the soul. the universe is in the habit of making beauty. There are flowers and songs, snowflakes and smiles, acts of great courage, laughter between friends, a job well done, the smell of fresh-baked bread. Beauty is everywhere.”

Mother Nature’s Got Such A Dirty Mind

ledanceYesterday’s post on Rambutan and Durian fruit got me some interesting email from our Muscleheaded Blog readers–

I gotta say,

I’m frankly shocked that so many of you people have got such dirty minds.

Keep up the good work.a

Today’s post is probably NSFW,

despite having no human nudity or sex–

… or anything else all that interesting, I guess —

naughty-vegetables-5Just the usual Muscleheaded Blog foolishness that plenty of non-readers have learned to completely ignore for a long time now.

Hey, consider yourself non-warned.

And now:

some of those submissions from yesterday, and over time.

I’ve thanked each of you individually,
— but THANKS AGAIN, y’all.

And I’ve been saying all along that Mother Nature’s got a dirty mind ………

…… and now, I’ve got proof !!!!a1

could it be in the eye of the beholder???


I mean, when you think about it,

… nature has a way of reminding us all that the basics of life are all around us…..

aRemember what Marilyn Monroe said:

Sex is nature. I go along with nature.

I do too.

I think a lot of people take nature for granted, ya know.

Like this whole weird weather thing ain’t some kinda way of Mother Nature reminding us all that she’s getting pretty sick and tired of us not taking her into consideration.

She’s got her gentle methods of telling us stuff….

like :e

hey, look here, at the joys of life, here for the taking ” .

When that don’t take,

she might decide to use a little more tough love on us.

But as for me,
I can take a hint.

cI firmly believe that the human body is the most beautiful thing on earth…

and it don’t bother me none when Mother Nature agrees,

and advertises that fact openly on the produce shelf.

Of course,
— some people get kinda upset over such things.


I dunno….

….maybe they take that whole ‘shame’ trip way too seriously.

Me, I ain’t ashamed of nuthin’ .

The only reason I don’t walk around in the nasty natural nude all the damn time is because I’d get arrested,

…….and that would mean I would have to subsist on bologna sandwiches–

aaaaand then, they still wouldn’t let me.



I’m not sure who invented clothes to begin with,

…. but it was probably some blue nosed Neanderthal who couldn’t stand the sight of a perfectly healthy, perfectly nekkid cave girl .

Hey, loose nips do not sink ships. gourds

Now, you might be wondering what all this has to do with Mother Nature having a dirty mind.

Well, I think I mighta been using a technique well known to advertising professionals as “sell the sizzle”.

Basically, what you do is take your basic theme,

…..and restate it in a way that you really don’t mean.

You know, misleading, and like that.

‘Cause, obviously, you don’t really want a kid to shoot his mom in the ass with a blow-gun load of Cheetos, right ?

bIt’s his ass that’s gonna be hurtin.

And no one seriously believes that whole claptrap about “Lite” beer having ‘great taste’—

—-when everybody knows that it really tastes like fermented cow piss.

It’s only 110 calories,
…. and it smells a bit like beer.d

That’s all you can truthfully say about it, right?

So you gotta sell the sizzle, otherwise, nobody’ll buy the stuff.

And that’s what Mother Nature’s doing here —

— selling the sizzle.


th” Lookie, lookie, lookie….

….. look at all the good stuff I got fer ya,

— if you weren’t out trying to screw up the planet with your greed, chemicals, pollution, carbon gasses, and other planet-destroying stuff.”

And just y’all watch out if you don’t buy it.

But I’m preachin’ to the choir, right?


Got an image you’d like to add to this post?

Send it along —
email to:,
or post it in comments.


Peg from MsSilver sent me four more great shots of pervy produce:

If you get a chance, go over and say hello ! 🙂


William Faulkner says:


” Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid. Ain’t nothing in the woods going to hurt you unless you corner it, or it smells that you are afraid. A bear or a deer, too, has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be. “