After all, if Carl the Caveman
hadn’t been messing around
with those Zippos that the
little green men left behind
while on a Earth booty call,
—— we might never have had fire.
And that means—
Talk about a drastic change.
I was kidding
about the cavemen
You can’t even get
a spark outta ’em, usually.
That’s why you can
buy em 20 for 5 bucks.
And they ain’t worth that.
You’ll need 10 of em,
just to get a decent fire going.
And you know,
cavemen didn’t have those
self-lighting charcoal briquettes, either —
—– they had to use the plain ones.
So, you can see how many challenges
that early man had to face.
with no such thing
(back then, anyway) as a
Lynx Professional Natural Gas Powered Grill….
…. including custom features
for ultimate convenience:
…. solid cast-brass burners impervious to wind,
and ProSear variable infrared burners
that can be closely controlled all the way
from quick searing to lower-temperature slow cooking.
thanks to the sacrifices your ancestors
like Carl the Caveman made in the name of science —
Not including shipping,
handling, and assembly charges, of course.
I think I mighta got side tracked —
…….. by a crummy commercial.
Those sneaky bastards.
You might know
that I grew up in South Florida…
and although I can name
all five varieties of Florida grapefruit,
( Duncan, Ruby Red, Pink, Thomson, and Marsh… )
… and even tell you the differences between them,
…. when it came to barbecue,
I grew up thinking anything
cooked over a fire could be called barbecue.
I had some pork bbq at
“Sunny’s BBQ” a coupla times…
….and it didn’t do anything for me.
To me, that wuz BBQ…
— no big deal.
Don’t blame me….
I didn’t know no better.
How could I know…
until I moved to North Carolina …
….. about real barbecue
and the great BBQ schism…
And, if you don’t live
here in the beautiful South,
you’re probably unaware of the controversy.
and focused all the attention
on what he called the “Barbecue Capitals” of the South:
Hold on there,
Mister Smart-Alecky TV guy……
Fer one, Kansas City ain’t no mo in the “South”
Fer two, Memphis is great if want dry rub RIBS,
but I ain’t desperate enough for em to risk
life and limb goin to a hole like Memphis
unless I have to….
and besides, RIBS ain’t “barbecue”…..
everybody knows there’s only
one place to get real barbecue…….
…………. and that’s here in the Carolinas.
Any chef worth his beans and rice knows that.
And barbecue don’t come from no cow….
…. no fish,
No no no no no.
It’s pork, plain and simple.
……… makes me feel warm all over.
(what’s that Frog got that I ain’t got, anyway?
…. other than a lily pad and a long sticky tongue.
as I was sayin’ before you interrupted me…..
You got to make some serious choices about it.
Never mind how to determine
just how much smokey flavor is just right—
And not withstanding making the difficult decisions:
— of choosing between sliced, chopped, or pulled……
— the differences between whole pig,
pork shoulder picnic, or Boston Butt…..
— the big moral dilemna of ‘to add sauce’ or ‘not to add sauce’…….
— the ‘dark’ meat versus ‘mixed’ question……
— and whether BBQ should come with
biscuits, rolls or cornbread……
there are answers
to these complicated questions —
The most interesting thing about Carolinas barbecue…
just in case you didnt know……
……. is that we have three distinct styles of barbecue.
let’s say you’re down there
in the charming Capital
of South Carolina – Columbia.
Well, you’d want to find
yerself the nearest Maurice’s BBQ —
( formerly Piggy Park BBQ —
why would you change a name like that???? )—
and get you some mustard based bbq
with a side of some of that barbecue hash.
Top it off with some banana pudding.
Now, I can’t really ‘splain
what bbq hash is exactly….
I’m not sure anybody really knows….
but it’s sorta like……
it’s some scorched pieces and some sauce, and ……..
it’s served on rice…..
Just try it.
If you’re near the NC coast,
say around New Bern or Wilmington—
You’d probably find you a local Smithfield BBQ
( they’re all over down there… )
and dig into some delicious fire roasted
mixed BBQ with the vinegar and pepper sauce.
Man, I love the stuff as it drips down on your hush puppies.
( you know, them fried thingees….. )
Well, then you’d probably drop down
about 20 miles and head for Lexington Barbecue-
for their pit-cooked dark meat barbecue with the sweeter tomato based sauce…….
order the ‘chunk’ and not the fine chopped —
so you can be sure you get
some of the burned darker pieces ( “outside brown” )
….. chewy but tender, and yummy.
Actually, my absolute favorite
BBQ place is in Winston-Salem —
It’s called “Bibb’s Downtown”
on West 5th Street, in Winston, near the ball park.
Their ribs are UNBELIEVABLE.
Kid you not.
While there certainly are other differences in the styles,
So, I thought it might be nice of me,
as a public service to all y’all folks
who can’t get down here anytime soon….
…. to give you a couple of recipes
so’s you can try some of these styles for yourself.
I can’t promise that old pork roast
you cook at home is gonna be as
good as the real thing,
but it’ll give ya an notion anyway.
If you were to ask me in public
what my favorite BBQ sauce style was,
I’d have to answer regionally.
if I’m makin it at home,
I like the upcountry SC mustard based…..
( don’t tell nobody…. )
1 cup yellow mustard ( Duke’s or Guldens is good )
1/3 cup dark brown Sugar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon Worcestershire
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice ( or lemon juice )
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 dash of cumin
Place ingredients in sauce pan
and simmer over medium low heat for an hour,
stirring frequently. Do not allow to boil.
Add salt and hot sauce to taste if desired.
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
dash of Cilantro
dash of hot sauce ( Texas Pete will work )
1 tablespoon of light brown sugar
No need to cook this…..
just set aside in refrigerator for 24 hours.
Lexington Style BBQ Sauce
1 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1/3 cup water
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons Worcestershire
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon Spanish paprika
1 bay leaf
dash black pepper
Cayenne and Hot Sauce to taste
Heat, but do not bring to boil…..
simmer for 30-60 minutes.
Let me know how you like these !!!
PS… if you’re looking for BBQ in Charlotte,
which is not exactly the BBQ mecca of the Carolinas,
your best bet might be Sauceman’s on West Blvd at Tryon Street.