Well, I’ll Be Dog-Gone

If there’s one
kinda post I can
always get behind,
it’s one that extols
the virtues of man’s
best friend –

— his doggie.

And I guess I must
not be the only fan,
( by a long shot ),
because over the
years, fun loving
canines have
been a favorite
subject of postcard
producers, too.

It’s actually quite
amazing, the
large variety
of vintage cards
that our favorite
type house-pet
has been featured
in.

Today,
though,
I specifically went
looking for cards
that exemplified
one of their most
beloved attributes:

– their sense of humor.

Now, you might
be one of those
folks who doesn’t
think that dogs
have one –
but they do,
outrageous,
self-effacing,
and very,
very dry.

Not only do
they think stuff’s
funny, but they
also know the
difference between
having a laugh
with you,
and
being laughed
at.

Let me
tell you-
they will never,
never let YOU
have the last
laugh on them.

It’s gotta
be the
wolf-lineage
in them,
or
somethin’….

Cause…..

If’n
(yes, “if’n” is
a perfectly
valid Southernism)
you pull a dirty
trick on your dog,
and not only will
she remember it,
and give you the
evil-eye for weeks
afterwards, but just
when you’re least
expecting it,
BINGO.

Poop
in your slipper.

Revenge
a dog-dish served
very cold, man.

Take it from
somebody
who has been
a dog-lover
all his life,
don’t piss your
dog off.

Just don’t.

.
!!! HOY !!!

 

Advertisements

Wild West Wedded

I have made a number
of acquaintances over
the years in my travels….

… and if I happen to
run into one or two
of them after having
lost touch, it’s not
really surprising…

I spent some time
out around the
Continental Divide,
and got to know a
few lasses that were
big into the whole
Stetson hat,
worn-thru
blue jeans,
big belt buckle
thing….

One in particular
was quite adept at
riding anything that
moved.

Horses, bulls,
tractors, cars,
dirt bikes,
and men.

Yes, she was
especially
good at that….

and more power
to her, I say…

Yow.

She also had a
wonderfully wild
and self-reliant
streak, and struck
me as the ideal
Western Girl
in every
conceivable
way.

I got a note
from her
a couple
weeks back,
(with an invite)
saying that she
was finally
settling down
and was marrying a
rancher.

Well, I hope
that guy is
in for the long haul,
because it sounds
like she certainly is.

And she really
is a keeper.

You know,
love can make you
do things that 20
years ago you never
woulda expected..

And this, I think,
is a good example.

So, to kinda charm
the fortunes, as it
were, for her sake,
I figured today,
her wedding day,
would be a fortuitous
day to post these very
fun vintage “Wild West”
themed postcards.

Good luck, Chey.

!!! HOY !!!

More of these here.

.

 

Our Ostrobogulous Friday Mailbag

The writer
Italo Calvano
once said that:

“A classic is a
book that has
never finished
saying what it
has to say.” 

I think that’s
probably true
about a lot
of things,
and not just
books.

For instance,
you can find
a lot of substance
and humor in old
postcards that’s
still totally relevant –

– and still speaks
very much to the
contemporary
reader.

Of course,
there’s also
the other kind
of vintage card —

— still classic,
you understand
(far be it from me
to besmirch such
things ) —

— but perhaps well
outside of Calvano’s
concept —

– much less relevant,
and doesn’t really
have anything
to say to a
contemporary
reader,
other than:
” WTF “ ?

And naturally,
here at the
Muscleheaded Blog,
we specialize
in those kinds
of cards —

.. the ones
that make
you ponder if there
really is intelligent
life on Earth.

(We know the
answer to that,
now, don’t we?)

So, today, we go
one step further
in fulfilling our
ultimate destiny….

as we present
some more blatant
examples of the
second type of
classic vintage
postcard —

— the ones for
which the meaning
has been hopelessly
obscured amongst
the 23-skidoos,
O-U-Kids and
banana twinkies
deep, deep down
in the time-space
continuum.

Uh hum.

Ok, so sure,
a couple of these
are simply about
old fashioned
flirtation, which
today would come
off as a 9 or a 10
on the official
gauge of these
things…..

The Fester Addams
Relative Creepster
Gradience Scale.

You might not
want what the guy
in the postcard
is selling, but the
product on offer
itself is pretty clear.

And I’m sure we
can come up
with explanations
for what we think
the rest of them
meant, for sure,
but real
understanding
is such a …..
well,
it’s a kinda
hard
thing to
understand,
sometimes.

Hey-
that should
be a famous
quote.

.

!!! HOY !!!

Crazy-Bad Attitudes

1905-codeAll of us get
those days when,
for one reason
or another,
we’re not feeling
all that wonderful,

— and maybe
our attitude isn’t
the best either…..

And when I get
a day like that,crazy
I find that
it can easily escalate
into a real bad day —
— often for person,
(or persons)
other than just me.

It’s just hard
to keep
your trap shut
and your hands
at your sidecrazy
when people
come at you
without the slightest
understanding
of how much danger
they’re putting
themselves in.

Awww…..
you shouldn’t
have oughta gone,chopper
and done thaaaaaaat…..

Nuts.

Well,
hey, man,
cheer up…

you still got
your _____________.
(fill in the blank)dwig

I know it’s
cliché as hell,

…. but remembering
how much better
you’re off than a lot
of other people
(we won’t mention
any names)
will at least prove that
you’re not some ungrateful
selfish self absorbed bastard.

Well,
ok,
you’re not.

Remember —
when you’re unhappy,legs

— all you really need
is something that makes you happy.

Everything on your body might hurt,

your mind might be
going to mush,

your spirit might
be communing
with the ghost of
Edgar Allen Poe,nurse

your emotional state
might make you crazier
than a waltzing bed bug,

your job might be as
rewarding as a dirty Q-Tip,

your sex life might not have
enough shades of gray
to count on one hand,

your friends
might be talking
about cremating you
while you’re still alive —

But it’s still way
better than the
fuckin’ alternative.thendont

And remember
the old story
about the guy
who goes to doctor —

Jabbing himself
in the arm
with his own finger,
the guy says:

It hurts when I do that.”

The Doctor looks at him
for a minute, and then says:

Don’t DO that !
Next patient 
! ”

Often, (not always,
of course)
when we’re feeling bad,
it’s from stuff we’re doing
to ourselves,
or at the very least,july5
making worse.

So stop doing that.

Buck up.

And I’ll do the same.

HOY!

.

“Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart from Tim Tolosa on Vimeo.

.

Summer’s Zephyr

It makes
me feel
so young….
and so old.

That summer
zephyr
blowing
through
what’s left
of my tousled
head of hair.

Oh,
sweet lemon
and ice
clinking-
drinking
pleasure
in with nature’s
magical elixir
that has somehow
remained so,
despite the oh,
so many other
tastes
abandoned
or simply
unlearned.

The scent of
freshly mown grass,
so fragrant and
piquant that I can
still smell it
with this nose,
despite being broken
so many times.

That special
reddish-pink
hue in the morning sky
reminding me of places
and faces that I had
feared were forgotten.

Bees buzzing
around my
head in the garden
like they own the
place, and were paying
the mortgage with their
labor and not mine.

And yes,
without fail,
the Empress
of Summer
sends her zephyr
to collect her
annual tribute,
in more than just
Earth and Water,
but She also
always leaves
her keepsakes
within me.

.