Vintage Pin Up: Love – 1905 Style

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Mail Bag Friday

We have a distinctly
nautical selection
from our mailbag
today –

– and how it happened is
pretty simple to explain,
actually.

I went a bit over-board
on gathering vintage cards
for last week’s previous
post ‘Knaughtalingus‘…
or whatever I ended up
calling it.

Wait.

That definitely
wasn’t
the name of it,
although it does
sound promising
for the subject of
a future post….

(I just gotta get
the angle right)

You really got no
idea how much
of a Spanish Inquisition
it is around here when it
comes to naming posts.

( Nobody expects the
Spanish Inquisition )

One would think it was
going to be submitted
to the literary review,
the way we carry on
around here, just to
pick a damn name for
a post that 20 people
are going to see.

( Hi Mom ! )

Them 20 people,
it turns out, are quite
wonderful, by the way.

I’m not kissing up,
or anything,
it’s simply the truth.

( Nor am I currying favor,
though I like curry flavor.)

I mean it.

And you 3 or 4
that comment,
well, you give me
a blogasm just
thinking about ya.

( Don’t ask me to
explain the process )

Ahem.

But as I was sayin,
I had so many terrific
cards that I wanted
to share, that,
well…..

( Hey, just call me
Crazy Eddie –
I’m overstocked,
what can I say? )

Oh sure, I coulda
made that post longer,
but I was paddling as
hard as I could to avoid
getting washed ashore
on a tide of resurgent
sentimentality and
bad metaphors as it was.

( not totally unlike:
‘her eyes were
like impish drools‘ )

Let’s see…
1, 2… 3 ?

That’s gotta be some
kinda record, right ?

At least I avoided
any cheese-ball similies.

( Or maybe not. )

Anyhoo…
as usual,
I’m counting on
the boundless
tolerance and patience
of our Muscleheaded
readers to hang on in
there despite the
dreadful droning
on and on of
your friendly but rather
verbose master-of-
bloggonies on this
Friday, the high holy
day of Mailbag.

All Hail The Mailbag.

May it ever bulge with
cool vintage postcards.

!!! HOY !!!
.

Don’t Hobble Me

Just like in olden times,
you’ll never know
when you might
find yourself
in distress.

And back then,
even before ” S.O.S.”
was adopted by American
sailing vessels as the
standard distress signal
– there was ” C.Q.D.

Yep-
the message
” To All Stations –
— In Distress “
was boiled down to ‘CQD’
in Morse Code, and it was
actually the first distress
call code used by the radio
operators on the Titanic…

( it was then
alternated with the
newer code ‘SOS’. )

Both ‘CQD’
and ‘SOS’
should actually be
displayed with an
overline, indicating
that there is no
pause/space
between the
characters
when sending, but
my ASCII coding ain’t
up to snuff for that.

But, this post
doesn’t have
that much to do
with nautical lore
or Morse Code,
even –

— despite being
very, very potentially
interesting subjects
in themselves.

No….

Today, for our
Friday Mailbag Post,
I thought we’d
dig for some cool
‘hobble skirt’ postcards.

The hobble skirt was
one of those things, that
back in the early 1900’s,
you either loved or hated.

They were
very stylish,
sure,

— but they also made
it very difficult for the
wearer to walk quickly
or to step onto a trolley
car, for instance.

They were actually
banned in many
municipalities
as unsafe.

And of course,
there were postcard
publishers along for
the ride, too.

Yep.

Versions of the
hobble skirt idea
still survive in
trendy fashion
today, I’ve noticed..

…. and I can see
how certain aspects
of the thing
could end
up being very…..

… errr ……
provocative.

.

!!! HOY !!!


( illustration by John Willie )

.

 

Rumblings In The Office

Fur is flying around
at work again…..

Several friends of mine are
embroiled in drama and static from upper management.

All due to
Office Romances ?

Ooooo weee…simple

does that ever
ring of trouble.

Thankfully,
I have never
been romantically involved
with anybody at the office –

– a little mutual flirtation is
as far as I’ve ever been
willing to go-

(dangerous enough!)

— because man,
it really is a bad idea.

Now that I’m middle aged
(ahem) it’s not really as
difficult a thing to avoid,job
because there’s so many
other things that end up
preoccupying me when I’m
there, and as crazy as it
may sound, (even to me)
sex ain’t one of
them.

(I’ve got plenty of time for
THAT preoccupation the
other 16 hours of the day)

Not even Sherry thumbing
each candy in my jelly bean
jar while leaning provocatively
over my desk doesn’t give
me the distractions anymore.

The sound of her sucking on
one just reminds me of my
productive time being sucked
out into the great beyond.

Oh sure, when
I was younger, it
was harder to ignore a
pretty face at work,
a cute swing of the hips,
a wink, a nod, a touch,
a quiet comment,
and that special smile that
you could feel all the way
down to your toes.

In the end, it meant the
same kinda potential
trouble it would mean
today —every

but when you’re a
young man, you feel
a bit more immune to
consequences as it were.

Or maybe the hormones
are jamming the frequency
of the natural, inherent
Danger, Will Robinson
alarms —

I’ve said it before,
and I’ll say it again…

We men are just
fools for their stockings.

But at work, there’s a
special set of reasons
for staying well away from
the water cooler clinch —

(sure, we got
bottles of water,
now, but that’s
not the point)

– which include stupid stuff
like gossip and overzealous
company rules –

– and more life changing
stuff like the potentials
for litigation, alimony,
palimony, child support,
fines, ruined reputations,
and unemployment.

That’s trouble,
my friend –

and these days, there’s a
large group of people who
make a living by doing
nothing but taking other
people’s words out of
context or putting them
in compromising positions
simply for the cash.

Of course, I’m not just
talking about sex-

a joke, a word, a name,
a symbol, a favorite song –

– all kinds of things
can be used to
make you look the fool
and the other look like
a victim.

All I can tell you
is to keep your
head down
and keep your
own counsel.

Cause even that
semi-innocent
story about your
dinner date last
night can end up
causing you endless
amounts of aggro.

Oh,
what a world –
what a world.

Ah well,
just don’t forget –

we’re all in
this together, pal.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Behave Yourself

Yes, my friends….

It’s your Muscleheaded
buddy here, with more
insipid and generally
out-of-date advice
from the wonderful world
of vintage publications.

In this case,
something
called
How To Behave ” –

a series of
tongue-in-cheek
postcards printed back
around 1910.

Now, I’m sure you need no
counseling on how to behave
yourself…..

Especially not from a guy
who never could master it,
himself…..

Never mind a postcard
illustrator from a hundred
years ago who was just
going for laughs, anyway.

There’s a couple of sets
of these–
a set for men,
a set for women,
and a set for children.

And they are humorous,
if you take the art along
with the captions.

The handwriting is kinda
tough to read, though —

So, I’ll give you
the captions below,
numbered from the top.

1: How To Behave Yourself
(for gentlemen) 
If you meet a lady
acquaintance,
always raise your hat,
it is both fit and proper,
but be sure you know
the lady first.

.

2: How To Behave Yourself
(for ladies ) 
Never interfere with the
workmen who happen to
be in the house. They
sometimes know more
about their job than you do. 

.

3: How To Behave Yourself
(for children ) 
If you find that elder folks 
want to converse quietly
and privately, just retire
to the garden or nursery.

.

4: How To Behave Yourself
(for gentlemen) 
On meeting your future 
ma-in-law, always make 
your most profound bow, 
only be careful of the furniture. 

.

5: How To Behave Yourself
(for ladies )
If you have your portrait
taken, and you’re not happy
about the result, do not abuse
the poor artist – remember
that he has done his best.

.

6: How To Behave Yourself
(for ladies )
If a clumsy man treads upon
your gown at the dance, do not
be angry as he has more cause 
to be upset than yourself.

.

7: How To Behave Yourself
(for ladies )
If your bus is waiting, do

not stop to have the last 
word, as the conductor 
himself may forget himself
and say things. 

.

Alrighty —
well, now that we’re just
about out of these, you’re
on your own now…..

So try to behave yourself.

Or not.

!!! HOY !!!