Baby Talk

I have to admit,

I can find
other people’s kids
a bit annoying
at times ….

( i’m not talking
about little babies –
even though some
of the illustrations
on today’s post might
lead you to think
otherwise….
but nope.)

.. and maybe the
irritation I feel
about certain
kiddie winkies
is pretty normal for
someone who used
to travel as much
as I did.

The ones I have in mind
seem to try to get under
your skin whether they
know you or not .

.. and since they’re
somebody else’s problem,
you hesitate to administer
what would otherwise be
patently called for..

— the hearty whack on the
ass and a loud ‘stop doing
that’.

Basically, you have to
resort to call them a
‘little ratbag’ under
your breath and leave
it pretty much at that..

Although sometimes
I think the father
(when available/identified)
should be liable to pay the
consequences of the child’s
lack of discipline.

A good
‘how’s your father’,
or similar.

Ah,
sweet justice.

Not that I was an angel
when I was a kid –

No, far from that,
but my parents
had the situation
well and truly
handled when
I acted up
in public.

Man,
you ain’t jest
whistlin’ Dixie.

Faster than
a speeding bullet –
my father’s hand
would descend and
give me the painful
instant karma I was so
obviously begging for.

If you don’t learn it
when you’re a kid,
you’re not gonna wanna
learn it later, and
discipline is something
we all should understand,
for the whole society’s
sake.

But sometimes,
I guess, kids are ok.

And today, we have
postcards featuring
( a few ) adorable kids
(if it’s possible to put
those two words together
and not form some kinda
oxymoronic improbability) .

Oh wait…
my kids were adorable,
so it is possible.

I was not adorable.

So, thank heaven
there must be
nothing to that whole
genetics thing.

Assuming…

well, that’s probably
not gonna help me any.

!! HOY !!

.

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The Stain On The Sofa

We’re feeling a bit
philosophical here at
the Muscleheaded Blog
today, which is kinda
strange when you think
about it, since we can
barely spell ‘philosophical’
usually …..

but hey-

— stranger things
have happened.

N-How.

For example,
you can choose
to look at this as
just another day,
or you can recognize
that Fridays are
really Mother
Nature’s way of
reminding you
that things could
always be worse.

N-Double-How, man.

I was just watching
a weird Irish
puppet/interview show
on my ginchey new
TV gizmo –

– the show was called:
Bronx Bunny ” —
and it put me in a very
weird mind-set.

Obviously, I am
NO LONGER
the crassest horn-dog
on the planet,
because I have been
thoroughly supplanted
by a semi-stuffed
panda bear
named Teddy T.

All I can tell you is,
if
you watch it, I’m not
responsible for any of the
content therein, nor the
therapy you’re likely to
need after said viewing.

And yes,
Teddy ….

Marina Sirtis was incredibly
hot on that space show.

‘N-How in triplicate.

Lost, yet?

Oh, sure ya are…

.. we all are, really,
when you get right
down to it.

You can let out a big
ole sigh anytime you
get tired of this
convoluted
stream o’ consciousness
thing that we’re
engaging in today,
and we’ll get on
with the well-vaunted
and well-loved
mail-bag segment
for this week.

Anytime,
now……

Ummm…

Oh, sorry.

Gotcha.

Thought that was just
Teddy-T doing his
heavy breathing
exercises again.

Mailbag here we come.

Today’s mailbag
I like to call
‘Popular Postcard
Wisdom’.

Seriously,
though….

Watch out for that stain
on the back of the sofa.

!! HOY !!

A Mess of Multiples

My long-time friend
Amy is expecting-

—- twins.

Her husband Gary
was a bit surprised
after the ultra-sound
about the whole
double-yer-pleasure
thing, but he’s
adjusting to it.

Yeah.

For some reason,
when she first told
me about it,
my mind cast
itself back to
another blessed event
involving multiple births
that happened around the
Depression Era up there in
the Great White North–

— The Dionne Quintuplets. 

They were the first quintuplets
born in North America that
were all known to have
survived the birth.

It was 1934 Ontario –
and those babies instantly
became celebrities –
the most famous
kiddie-winkies on Earth.

Unfortunately, there was a
great deal of wrangling and
money-grubbing involved,
because of their notoriety,
and the children were actually
taken from their parents and
made wards of the state for
a while.

The quint’s childhoods
had become about sales
and tourism.

It was an unabashed
economics issue for the family,
and a real cash-cow for the
numerous greedy ‘sponsors’,
governmental agencies,
and the media.

Their youth was a sad story
all around, and not the
charming one the pictures
from the era usually paint.

To my knowledge,
only two of the quints
still survive, Annette
and Cécile, living
quietly in a
suburb of Montreal.

When I told Amy the
story of the quints,
she kinda shuddered.

“Gary almost divorced
me over the two“,
she said.

While I doubt that
(she’s a real catch) –
she certainly brings
up an interesting point –

— the emotional/financial/
physical/mental/familial
stress and drama that
multiple births must put
on folks (on a day
to day basis!)
who find themselves
unexpectedly ..
.. blessed.

I’ve known plenty of
twins over the years
( Susie and Sandy
were my favorite dates
in my mid teens)
and I’ve always found
them pretty well adjusted.

Their parents, though —

Well, they always
seemed a bit :

Harried.

Stressed-out.

Panic-striken, even.

But, when some
Doctor tells you
that you’ve got
5 girls coming –

— when all you wanted
was a chip-off-the-
old-block who
could take over the
take-out-the dog chores
once in a while …..

Yoweeeeeeeeeee.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Mailbag Post

Yes, friends —

it’s Friday,
and time for
another of
our well-beloved,
blue ribbon winning
mailbag posts.

( well,
ok,
so —

there is technically 
not a blue ribbon for
this category at the
State Fair, but it’s as
well beloved as
Mrs. Alma Johnston
of Raleigh-Durham’s
‘Apple Crumb Cake’
around here… )

I’m not really into
apple cakes, really,
but hers is
amazingly good,
( she uses three
kinds of apples )
if you ever get a
chance to try it.

While you’re there,
you might also mention
to the blue ribbon panel
the possibility of maybe
launching a new category
for ‘mailbag’ posts, I dunno.

Just a thought.

Anyhoo…..

If you don’t know how
this thing works,
well,
it goes thusly:

Our wonderful readers
(you are wonderful, aren’t you?)
send us cool vintage postcards
and other odd ephemera
that they’d like to see featured
here on this here fine blogging
establishment.

Wow –
novel idea, right ?

Alright,
so I never said
that we were some kinda  powerhouse of significant
creativity —

We’re just in it
for the money.

You can’t say
we ain’t polite
about it, though.

And since we’re
not making any,
I guess we probably need
to rethink our priorities….

… but we’re nothing if
we’re not obstinate.

So, here’s
another edition
of the mailbag —

brought to you
steaming hot
with all of
the shipping charges
completely waived.

Thanks to all
of you nice folk
who contributed to it.

You know y’all iz.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Slightly On The Inside

A good joke can have
a lotta components to
it, I guess.

I’ve always found
that visual humor
is by far the best,
for me, anyway,
because it gives me
as much time
as I need to get
the joke.

Speed may kill,
but being slow
can be murder
when it comes
to reacting to
a punchline.

Or ,
put another way,
as Stephen Fry
likes to say:

” He who laughs last,
thinks slowest. “

For instance –
let this one sink in:

I’m sure we’ve all
wondered at one time
or another how much
deeper the ocean
would be without
sponges.

No?

Ok,
try to explain the
50-50-90 rule:

” Anytime you have a
50-50 chance of getting
something right, there’s
a 90% probability you’ll
get it wrong. “.

I dunno –
those percentages
may not add up
all that great….

And I hate math.

Try this:

They’ve come up with a
new politically correct
term for dead folks —

“electroencephalo-
graphically challenged”. 

Too cerebral?

On the other hand,
well,
you have different fingers.

Now, if somebody
just threw one of
those at you
without any warning,
you might be caught
gasping for air like
a pirarucu in the deep
end of the wave pool
while you muddled the
whole thing out.

But, visual humor gives
you precious time to
choose just how the
fuck funny you think
something is.

Or is not.

And I always enjoy
sharing these kinds
of things with
our readers,
and
– of course,
reading their
comments about it.

So, don’t be a buzz-kill,
man —

— drop me a line and
tell me what you like !

Remember:
I may have started out
with nothing, but I still
have most of it.

.

!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

Reflecting The Halloween Season

oukid3Tomorrow will be 
Friday the 13th.

And 17 days
until Halloween.

Interesting.

There have been many
fascinating aspects of
celebrating the Hallowe’en Holiday over the years….

Some,
like door-to-door
‘trick or treat’,
are only now
starting to wane
from popularity,
as our culture
continues to get
more dangerous
and the holiday
evolves into a
more adult
oriented one.

Other customs —

like, for instance,
the time-honored
‘midnight magic mirror’-
a1
— have completely lost
most of it’s relevance
and meaning to the
contemporary
observances.

Still,
it is an interesting facet
in early 20th century
Halloween folklore —

The idea that:
at midnight,
on Halloween night,
an unmarried maiden
or gentleman might,
if the candles are lit just right,
and he or she be pure of heart,
be enabled to behold their
future spouse in the reflection
of the looking glass.

Charming,
right?

And judging from the
media of the time,
something that many folks actually believed could happen.

Hey–
all kinds of strange things
go bump on the night of Halloween —
so why not ?

Superstitious or not — destiny
I’m sure it made for some spooky fun.

I imagine it had a numinous quality that was very appealing to folks.

The images of this rite abound in postcards of the time.

We all know that the folks of the early 1900’s were postcard crazy–

They sent cards
for any and all occasions.

It seems like this
was especially the
case around Halloween.oukid

It will absolutely amaze you
how many different varieties
and themes of Halloween
postcards that there
were published…
mainly between
1900 and 1930.

And of course,
before Halloween arrives,
you can certainly
expect me to revisit
this theme again.

But today,
we’ll look at just
two of the
popular motifs —

The Magic Mirror,
like you can see in cards
# 3, 4 and 7…

and another
very interesting
fancy from the time —

themed on the
‘ O U KID ‘ .

(cards #1, 6, and 8) oukid2

If you caught my post
on the whole ‘ Oh, You Kid
craze —
(of course, you did… )
you won’t be surprised
to see it appear on the
Halloween cards of the period.

And here it is.

The rather subtle sexuality inferred in the expression,
and the stranger qualities
of the vintage version of the holiday mixes surprisingly
well on these cards.

I’ve always felt that halloween
Halloween
had an inherent sexy
undertone about it,
and apparently,
so did our ancestors.

Even the magic mirror cards
invoke a mystical romanticism —

And everybody knows how
sensual candlelight is, right ???

HOY!

.