The Friday Mailbag

The Friday
Mailbag.

A Friday
tradition since ….

Oh, ok,
I dunno if it
qualifies as
a ‘tradition’,
exactly.

Maybe a ‘habit’
would be more
appropriate, huh?

A
bad one?

Naah…

… it’s gotta be
better than
chewing tobacco
or scratching
your ass
incessantly.

Not as
rewarding,
I’ll grant you,
but….

Ahem.

Anyhoo…

we’re gonna
dip down
deep into the
proverbial
mailbag,
feel around
and see what
we come
up with.

Let’s see…..

Dark
coarse hairs?

Those sure
ain’t mine.

Now, I wonder
if it’s a demented
kinda thing that
our regular readers
would know exactly
how I know that.

Is that
what they
call T.M.I. ?

Hey, we’re totally
into sharing
around here,
ya know.

‘Sharing is caring’
and all
that rot.

No….

you can’t use
my motorcycle —

A guys’
gotta draw
the line
somewhere.

Sorry–
it seems like
we are just
dilly dallying
around ,
but the truth is
that we’re just
gonna go balls
-out- random
today.

Forget all that
stuff I’ve said
previously about
always having
some kinda
hidden topic …

This one is so
completely and
utterly random
that they’ll have
to redefine the
whole fucking
concept…..

You’ll think you’re
reading my answers
to my 11th grade
algebra tests, that’s
how seriously desultory
and scattershot we’re
going for today.

(Thanks to my old
football coach
and algebra teacher,
Mr. Murphy, for
passing me, anyway,
cause otherwise, they’d
been short a full-back,
and we mighta lost the
Division IV semi-finals
against St. Thomas
Aquinas. )

Oh yeah….

  • nobody knows
    random like yer
    old buddy
    Muscleheaded.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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William Henry Ellam Ephemera

One of the things
that always surprises
me about postcard
collecting is the
paucity of information
available about the
creative illustrators
themselves ….

— sometimes,
especially in the
case of early
1900’s artists,
there is little
credible background
information about
them –

– even the most
industrious ones.

A good example of
this is the case of
English artist
( and sculptor )
William Henry Ellam.

His work was published
by several large London
producers of postcards –

– like Raphael Tuck and
Sons –

— but yet, very
little of his pedigree
information can be
found.

( I was ,
weirdly enough,
able to find a
picture that I
could verify as
him… which,
I guess just
proves how
well known
he was in
his time )

What I can tell
you was that
he was a very
popular creator of
political, sardonic,
anthropomorphic
and comic cards
from around 1900
through until 1925,
after which he
seems to have
retired;

– he was born
in 1858 at
Enfield, Middlesex,
England, worked in
London, first as a
stockbroker, and
then as an artist,
and died in 1935.

The first trace
that I can
find of him in
postcards
is from
1905, a card
which sarcastically
mocked the
participants of
the Russo-Japanese
War-

— those were
published by
Siegmund
Hildesheiner
and Company ;

– after which there
are cards from the
A.G. Company,
C.W. Paulknert,
Wilde & Cray,
and an array of
others.

There were a
large variety
of his designs
on cards dealing
with the geo-
political events
of the times,
and especially
World War I and
the class conflict
during and after.

It was during
this era
that his
most well
remembered
series, based
on :
Mrs. Caudle’s
Curtain Lectures

were released;
although others
of his anthropo-
morphic characters ,
like: ‘Little Teddies’
and
‘Cats’ sets also sold
very well —

and his ” Seashore ”
subjects were a
regular feature at
postcard stands in
much of Western
Europe, and were
available in several
languages.

Ellam definitely
seems to have
had a taste
for bad puns
( ‘ the Nuts ‘ ),

– and also for
the macabre,
and several of his
odder cards were
designed to appeal
for holidays, such as
Valentines, and as
Halloween items.

Another set of his
creations appeared
with cigarette packs;

dating from around
1910 and produced
for the Cope’s
Kenilworth brand –

Notable, despite
the fact they were
technically not
postcards at all,
but a variety of
card-size cut-out
paper ‘toy models’
– like a stage for
Punch and Judy.

His work is
usually signed
” ELLam “, although
this is not always the
case.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Life Can Be Beachy

Man, do
I miss the
beach.

I grew up in South
Florida, and I rarely
took advantage of
the opportunity,
despite living within
5 or 10 miles of all
kinds of great beaches –

— now that I live in
the Piedmont of
North Carolina, I’m
too far away from the
coast to just casually
go anytime I want to.

I was kinda reminiscing
about that out loud in
the gym yesterday,
as one of the guys
asked if I had learned
to surf while I was
living down there….

No, of course,
surfing in Florida
is much like mountain
climbing down there –
– if you can find a hill
or
a wave big enough
to suit you-
well,
good luck to you.

As I recall, the highest
elevation in the State
was an arched bridge
on the Florida turnpike,
and aside from during
hurricanes, you’ll never
see a wave over 5 feet.

(Remind me to
tell you about the
time I had a spare
tire from another
guys’ trailer bouncing
along with me on the
side of that bridge
going 60 MPH
during a hurricane. )

So, anyway,
better to save your
big board aspirations
for the Golden State
or Hawaii…..

— you got a better
chance of hanging
yourself on seaweed
than hanging ten
down there.

Still —
there are beaches
in the Sunshine State
that can compete
with the beauty of
anywhere else’s
beaches –

— many of them are
hidden away , far
from the hub-bubhop
of Daytona Beach,
hurly-burly of
Pensacola,
or the hum-drum
hubris of Miami
Beach.

(but, I gotta say,
if you like Deco,
Miami Beach is the
place to see it )nf

Places like
Captiva Island,
Bahia Honda Key,
Naples Beach,
or St. George Island.

I like St. Augustine’s
small town vibe, too.

Like the song says:

” I’ve still got
sand in my shoes, 
And I can’t shake
the thought of you 
I should get on,
forget you 
But why would
I want to? “

.

!!! HOY !!!

Travel Week: What I Did On My Summer Vacation

It’s “TRAVEL WEEK”
here on the world’s
least famous blog !

Why?

How in the hell
should I know-
it just is.

Get with the
program, man.

Ahem.

It’s hard to explain,
but when you’re a
Southerner visiting
certain places Up Nawth,
you sometimes get the
feeling that your
North Carolina plate
or accent is getting
you nothing but dirty
looks and a hard time.

We pride ourselves
down here
at giving
visitors a heapin’
helpin of hospitality —

But it ain’t
always
that way for us .

Awwww…

I’m probably just
imagining things.

I mean, that guy
in the gas station
near Thuro,
Massachusetts
didn’t just ask
me in a mock
Southern accent
whether I had
lost my mule,
did he?

Alas,
yes, he did.

Funny?

The only thing
funny about it
was him thinking
I wouldn’t crush
his skull for him –
which turned out
to be right- but
he had no way of
knowing I don’t get
mad in front of the
family.

And we had 12 days
just like that there.

Oh, lovely.

I think that’s where
Sister Mary Elephant
was from, too.

I did enjoy the
glass museum in
Sandwich……
actually a nice
little town.

Anyhoo —
many folks like
spending time on
Cape Cod , so for
them , I say
Have At It ” –
the beaches aren’t
that great, the folks
aren’t that friendly,
and you can’t find a
decent meal on the
whole damn peninsula.

And so to
paraphrase
something
I always say at
the Sunday
dinner table when
someone declines
seconds —
“MFM –
more for me
well….
“More For Them”.

!!! HOY !!!

Knowing Not

Taking writing
classes can become
something of a habit,
if you let them.

At least,
I find it to be so.

Not that I apply
much of anything
I learn to my posts
here on the
Muscleheaded Blog –

– it seems
like I can
only write
this thing
from that special
twisted-kilt
perspective
with the off-pitch
punctuation
with which
it’s been
produced for
oh so, zso
many years –

– if I try
and work
at being all
phonologically
persnickety
or
technique-driven,
all I get is mulch.

And not
the good
kinda mulch
that helps
gardens grow,
either –

– more the
kinda mulch
that they dig out
with tractors
and throw it
on the rubbish to
keep it all from
blowing away.

But there’s
one piece
of advice
I’ve heard
repeatedly
over the
years, and
I’ve worked
assiduously
at applying –
” Write What You Know “.

Which maybe
explains, to
some extent,
anyway, why
the Muscleheaded
Blog is written
on what could
be a 3rd grade
level –
– cause I don’t know
anything much.

Don’t get me
wrong here…
I’ve studied a lot –
but it’s like some
really smart guy
once said to me –
( It might have been
Joseph Campbell ) ;
” Learning just teaches
me how little that
I really 
know. “

And if
Mr. Campbell
didn’t think
knew much,
what chance
have I got ,
I ask you?

Anyhoo….

I’m violating
another one
of the principles
of good
writing
this morning….

Because I’m
typing stuff
that’s completely
off topic from
where I thought
I was going
with today’s
post.

Yet again.

But since I already
have written most
of it, I guess I’ll just
cut to the punchline
of what should have
been the point :

Never ask a question
for which you don’t
really want to know
the answer to.

Oh,
and,
never end
your sentences
with a
preposition.

.

!!! HOY !!!

Krampusing Our Style

A couple of years
ago, I posted a
pretty
neat-o thing
on the whole
holiday-time
hub-bub
collectively
known as
Krampus.

If you
were
unfortunate
enough to
have
missed it,
you can still
see that
super terrific
post right here.

It’s just jam
packed with
cool Krampus
cards and facts
about the holiday.

Anyhoo….

I thought maybe
we’d update you
on the local parties
and bring you some
Krampus cards that
we’ve found since
that thing went to
press.

Word-press,
that is.

Krampus weekend
in 2018 is Saturday,
December 01, and
all the parties listed
are on that date
unless otherwise
noted.

If your city
ain’t listed,
that doesn’t
necessarily
mean that
you’re outta
lucky and there
ain’t
no party —

— just chalk
it up to
our general
laziness,
and ask around.

Or start your
own, man.

And then,
lemme know
so I can
list it !

So, back to
Krampus 2018:
for more info,
contact the links
listed !

New Orleans’s
Krampus Krewe
will be
hitting the streets
in the Quarter
on
December 01.

Savannah’s yearly
Krampus Krawl
will begin
around 5 PM.

Washington DC’s
Krampusnacht
parade will start
marching down
H-Street at 5 PM.

Los Angeles’ annual
Krampus Ball will be
Alpine Village in
Torrence.

Charlotte’s
Krampus Pub Crawl
will be on Saturday
December 08 at
NoDa .

Chicago’s
Krampus Ball is
slated for December
08 near Union Park,
but there’s also other
K-themed events, so
check the site.

Philly’s
Parade of Spirits
will be at
Liberty Lands
Park on Saturday,
December 15.

Austin’s “Krampus-
Haunted Christmas”
will be the weekend
of December 8-9.

Denver hosts the
annual Krampus
theme at the
Carnivale De
Sensuale on the
15th.

If we missed one
of your favorites-

( or a thousand,
for all we know )

– drop us a line and
include a link for
information on the
event.

I’d also like to
thank our
various generous
contributors that
have submitted
cards over the
last couple years
that made another
post on the subject
possible and fun.

It’s really
amazing
how many
different
vintage
Krampus
cards there
are out 
there,
and if/when
we get more –
we’ll certainly
post em !

Hint,
hint.

We’re nothing
if we’re not
subtle
around here,
ya know.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

and
here’s a
little bonus…………………………..

.

Fishing For Cats

A friend and I were
trading emails a
couple of days ago,
when she used an
internet-age term
with which, for one
reason or another,
I had completely
forgotten about –
cat-fishing.

Oh sure, I’ve actually
known
people who have
had the experience of
finding out that their
prize winning internet
catch was nothing more
than a mud-bogging
cat fish in blue-fin tuna
clothing.

I think the reason I put
it out of my mind was
because the concept
seems so ….
well, dated,
really.

These days, anything
and I mean, anything
you want to know about
a prospective hotcha that
you meet on the internet
should be out there to
verify somewhere, if you
know how/where to look.

My daughter was texting
back and forth with a dude
who had made claims to
being this, and doing that,
having served in a certain
special-ops unit, and
currently working for a
high-level company in a
certain endroit-magnifique
in Europe.

I, being
Major-Pain-In-The-Ass-Dad
Numero-Uno checked on it
and -voila- ten minutes later,
he turned out to be some
Jerry Jerkwater from a little
podunk in Arkansas – who’s
probably never left his
mother’s garage
(where he lives ), never mind
having served overseas.

Hey, if you want to play a
character on the internet,
fine with me, but don’t
misrepresent yourself in
a way that you’re gonna
end up hurting someone
when they find out who
you really are.

( If you end up hurting
my daughter- well,
woe be to you, my friend,
woe be to you. )

And, let’s face it –
they are gonna find
out eventually, man.

Be yourself, and then,
if they don’t like you,
well fuck em.

Being somebody else
just means they’ll end up
the same place, only with
good reason.

Still, by observation,
I think I can suggest
a few things that ya
perspective Corydoras
might be able to safely
claim ……

Superpowers. 
Hey, don’t tell me
you can leg press
600 pounds, unless
you’re ready to show me.
However, if you said you
could vaporize me with
one whiff of your breath,
I bet I wouldn’t even try
to get confirmation on it.

.

From Outer Space.
You really could be an
alien, and there ain’t a
fucking thing I can do
to prove you’re not.
You probably are.

.

A Reformed
Such and Such.
A lot of women are
suckers for guys who
are needy losers.
Claim to be a former
psychotropic insect
user who has mended
his ways and now seeks
to enlighten those who
still chew up and swaller
dung beetles for a
cheap high, and you’ll
be not only popular
but free from all
meddling into
your past.

.

Time Traveller.
Speaking of past,
you could be from
10,000 B.C. and
using a time machine.
You better bone up on
your history, first,
though.

.

Psychic Powers .
Man, it seems like
a whole lotta
mumbo-jumbo
to me, in general.
But, on the other
hand, if you say that
you can see 100 years
into the future, whom
am I to say you’re a liar?

.

A Reincarnated
King or Queen. 
I’ve noticed that
everybody who ever
says they’ve been
reincarnated was
some big shot in a
previous life……
… and in fairness,
no matter how much
checking I’m willing to
do on the deal, I’m still
gonna have to give
you the benefit of
a 0.1% doubt.

.

Multiple Personalities. 
Hey, it worked
for Sybil, right ?

!!! HOY !!!

.