It’s Not About Nipples

isthislegalIt’s amazing —

It’s stupendous —

It’s beyond your
wildest dreams
of what blogging entertainment
can truly be —

You’ll be thrilled,

you’ll be enthralled,

——- you’ll yell
for your money back.

It’s “Journey To The marilyn
Center Of The Mailbag” —

Coming to a
Muscleheaded Blog
near you.

Oh, actually,

it’s already here.

You still got time to grab
some popcorn
and a soda, though.

The snack bar is always open.suspenders

Grab me some Goobers
while you’re over there.

Alrighty —

Everybody comfy ?

My dear readers are
probably the most interesting
people in the world….

And I say that,

not only to kiss your ass,

but also
because it’s true —

Without your flirtation
submissions and comments,

this blog would spin
more outta control
than my head and neck
at Big-Nipple-Con 2017.

Oh,
I’d probably gonna
need a chiropractor
after that.

I dunno what it is
with us guys,
and nipples….

We’re just born haimltoncox
to it, I guess.

But,

our mailbag today
doesn’t really
feature any big nipples,
not real ones anyway.

Sorry.

At least,

I don’t think so…

Lemme feel aroundbuxom
a bit more…

No.

Such a disappointment.

Oh well..

As I was saying
before the whole:

‘nipple bugaboo’,

‘stuff to talk to
my therapist about’

‘thing burst out
of my subconscious
like an exploding
milk carton…. ‘

So,

No nipples.

None.

Hey, a guy’s gotta
exercise some self
control sometimes.

And
listen,
I would very much
appreciate it if you
stopped bringing
them up …..

…. all y’all ever
wanna talk about is
nipples this,
and nipples that.

Oh wait.

That’s me.

Well…

 

Hey,
what’s wrong
with that, anyway?

I mean,
just because
I’m interested
in the subject,
doesn’t mean I’m
totally obsessed by it,
ya know.

I can quit
anytime I want.

Ok–lookie
come on, now, man….

Just do what you
always do
when you’re trying
to get your mind
off something….

Think about baseball.

Yeah…
scoring,
third base,doubleheader
double headers…..

………. that kinda thing.

See how easy that was?

I haven’t thought about nipples in a couple
of nano seconds.

Interesting subject, brief
though.

Did you know that
there are
12 different slang
terms for nipples
that have been used
in popular literature?

lidSure —

there’s :

Blinkers,
Goobers,
Knobs,
Rivets,
Nozzles,
Dumplings,
Nibbles,
Headlights,
Nubbins,
Thermostats,
Ring Dings,
Chi-chi’s,
Bumps,
Nertz,
Dimes,
Pins,
Hi-Ya’s,
Daggers,
Circuit Breakers,
Swellers,
Bullets,
Buttons,
Bingos,
Pimentos,
Raisins,
Throbbers,
Pointers,enjoy
Brailles,
Frails,
Ornaments,
High Beams….

Hmmm….

……….. maybe….
just maybe,
there’s more
than 12.

arthurdepins

Happy Anniversary Muscleheaded

saucyI got my Happy 4th year Anniversary card
from Word Press this month…

Has it really been 4 years
since the Muscleheaded Blog
took the big plunge
off the deck of the
quickly sinking
Titanic-like-vessel
that was the good ship
S.S. Xanga ?

Yow.

Time flies when
you’re having fun, right?driben

Never mind that we’ve
got almost exactly the same amount of subscribers now,
that we had at the beginning —

And never mind that
the writing on this blog
hasn’t exactly improved
over that same course of time.

We still got some great pin-ups —
that’s gotta count for something.

Hey, man ..
what do you want for nothin’ ?

So,
my 4th anniversary, ay?lace

Hmmm…
that means lace.

Wait–
wood is for the 4th, right?

Well, lace on the right person
gives me wood,
so lace’ll work fine.

I just hope Word Press
gets my size right this time.

I kinda figured I’d do a
‘greatest hits’ compilation and all,

But,

I HATE that when I’m waiting for fresh music out of an artist I like,

— and they do nothing but shorten some past hits and reissue them as a new album.

I don’t know how many times Chicago did that — 5 maybe?

Anyhoo,

artfrahmI’m not doing that, today.

I mean, there’s precious little original about this blog to begin with.

Of course,

that means I’ve got to come up with some new content–

— which means I’ve got to shake my lazy muse outta bed,

and see if she can get me started on something.

Ummm….wakeee

Well… ahem.

That lace lingerie is giving me some ideas, it’s true.

It’s not helping me write, though.

But I ask you,

aren’t lace lingeries the greatest invention since burnt toast ?

There’s something patently unfair about a woman wearing a lace lingerie —

A man’s got no defense against it.

Ummm….

Excuse me —
I’ve suddenly got things to do.

HOY!

fr

It’s On The Map

Whenever I travel,
I like to raid the
postcard racks
in the local gift shops
and see if there
are any forgotten
‘vintage’ ones still
in there —

–you’d be surprised
how many times you’ll
find some old goodies –

– which goes to show
just how long ago it was
that anybody actually
took inventory in the place,

(or dusted, for that matter)
I guess….

They probably just change
the ALL POSTCARDS ___
(price) sign once in a while.

That’s quite
all right with me.

Finding almost anything
vintage in those places
is preferable —
— except when it
comes to tourist MAPS.

Now, out of date maps
may look cool,
and
be very collectible–

— but usually,
they’re worthless in
helping you find your
way around a strange city.

Yes, I AM A MAP GUY —

I don’t like or even trust
those consumer quality
GPS systems —

oh no….

— one missed update,
and you’re lost —

you might as well
just have an outdated map,
without the benefits
of cool graphics
and collectibility.

And when you think
about it, old maps can
be a lot of fun
as long
as you don’t really
need directions.

Being a Florida boy,
it was quite common
to see maps that pointed
people to ‘attractions’
that were no longer extant —

— still being stocked
and sold for a good
long time after.

Some places have left
absolutely no other
trace of them ever
even being there —

except on the maps
of the time, and,
of course,
the postcards
of the place.

Combine the two,
and whammo

— you got today’s post.

And no update required !

Hey,
whatdaya want
for nuthin, anyway?

!!! HOY !!!!!

.