Re: The Health Benefits of Touching

judging from the
title of this here post,

you might be thinking
that your Ole Uncle Nuts
might be feeling a bit
sensually deprived and

… confused by the
whole lack of tactility
involved in all things digital.germless


Ordinarily, I’d say that
you might have
something there.

But this time, well,

Ya see….
I was getting ready to
write my daily post,

…. which I was going to entitle the:
“The Health Benefits of Touching“.

And this song came on Spotify: touchmedoors

Come on,
come on,
come on,
come on —

Now touch me, baby
Can’t you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won’t you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?
Now, I’m gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I’m gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby

( Lyrics from ”Touch Me
by the Doors:
Written by Robby Krieger. )

Ok… so you know the song.

And, as I started to write,

I got sidetracked mulling
over just how ironic it is for
me to be using the above
song lyrics- “Touch Me”
by the Doors Robby Krieger —

— to open a post about
the “health benefits of touching”—–

Considering the original title
of the song wasn’t ” Touch Me “,
at all —
— but ” Hit Me “. dont

I kid you not.

Robbie Krieger was constantly having fights with his girlfriend,

…. and wrote the song during one of their more passionate disputations.

She apparently was quite a bantamweight.

Once Jim Morrison heard the song’s rough cut,

….. he decided he didn’t like the theme,

and thought something a bit
more in tune with the whole
‘love generation’ thing would be better.

A peace sign does kinda loses
it’s meaning when you’re
hitting somebody with it.

donttouchWell, anyway, it’s a long story,

and entirely off topic from what I wanted to post about,

…….. which is the “health benefits of touching”.

It’s funny how different an original concept can be from the finished product, isn’t it?

—a work can be so changed during the process of it’s creation and production as to alter the impression and meaning of a work completely.

I always say, when it happens to me,
….. that it’s a function of my short attention span….

aaaI’ll start working on a project,

…… say, the “health benefits of touching”,

and thinking,

Hey, it’ll be a pretty straight forward deal.

But, I think the process of editing
and refining a work often brings
out ideas and concepts that ,

…. although originally not even
intended as a part of it, end up
taking charge of the piece.

Not that it has anything really
to do with the “health benefits of touching“.

touchI think you know what I mean…..

Maybe you’re just not into your subject all that much–

Maybe something entirely different is screaming to get writ —

and all you keep doing,

… is try to write a stupid post
on the “health benefits of touching“.

Boy, howdy — that always seems to happen to people.

Not to me, of course.air

If I set down ready to write about something, no matter how mundane or sublime the subject might be —

Whether the post is a simple humor piece, a lifestyle article on the “health benefits of touching” ,
or a complicated review of high tech gear,

— I’m as focused as a Phalanx CIWS
Radar Guided Laser, man.

Whatever the fuck that is.

so maybe I do get distracted from time to time.

hugzIn the process of writing,

yer mind wanders,

sense memory and visual cues kick in,

word play sparks different connotations……

the next thing you know,
….. you went from soufflé to scrambled eggs.

I was the member of a garage band once like that.

Not that it has anything to do with the “health benefits of touching“, either .

We had brought in this guy to play bass on a song we couldn’t get right,

….. and the band ended up being named after him, fer chrissakes.

I’m not saying it’s always a good thing, mind you.

After all, I bet you never heard
of the Gerard Remilard Band, right ?

goofusOf course not.

And I’m not implying that it was the name of the band that was responsible for our utter lack of success….

It definitely had some small relationship to the fact that none of us had any musical talent to speak of.

But, still.

You gotta be careful.

Editing can change everything, man.

….  about the Health Benefits of Touching ….



Give It To Her


I couldn’t resist,
you know.

It seemed like such
a funny concept for
a post title.

I can’t help but wonder
how much she’d like
that plastic thing if
you were actually following
the bold print demand
on the ad .

and only
“…. five minutes does the job“.

Hardly seems worth
taking your shirt
and socks off for.

But if that’s too
fast for you,
I guess it’s a lucky thing
that there also seems
to be someone else
waiting in the wings.

And although she doesn’t
have morning breath,
she does have a terrible
habit of getting sticky stuff
all over the furniture. 

(well, now that I think
about it, so do I… )


About now,
I’m trying to figure out
just why this great
1900’s postcard reminds
me of the fact that old-timey boarding houses had signs
saying ‘No Eating In Rooms’ ?


We do seem to be on an
ill-conceived advertising
trip this week, despite
my intentions to do
something fresher and
more original.

But, you know,
sometimes ‘MOR’ is less.

In other words,
the less ‘MOR’ the better.

Maybe I’m just confused.

I didn’t want to
be a blogger, anyway.

I wanted to be a lumberjack.
Leaping from tree to tr…..

Wait —

I’m pretty sure that
one’s already been done, too.



Perplexing Prognostications

“The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you ever wished that
you could tell the future?

I guess everybody feels
that way,
once in a while.

I’ve always thought
that spontaneity
is part of what
makes life interesting —

( ….. that, and redheads)swami

Do I really wanna know that:

Tomorrow it’s gonna rain,

Next week I’m gonna
get an assessment to pay for the new City Hall,

Next month I’m gonna have another toothache,

Next year I’m gonna crash
my kayak into a bridge–

10 years from now,
(ok– maybe 15)

enochbollesI’m gonna need to ask the Doc for a little blue pill…

……………………….. and,

I don’t even want to talk about October, 2036.

Naaahh —

I’d much rather find out
about all that then.

Oh sure, you say,
but what if Mrs. Roosevelt was right,

— you simply need to believe in your dreams,

to have them come true.dwig


In that case,

everything in the future would have to do with:

Lightning fast, unwreckable motorcycles,

( I’ll settle for screaming fast,
if necessary )


40, 000 square foot gyms with 2 of every piece
of Hammer Strength equipment ever made…a

( And nobody on ’em
when I wanna use ’em,
… and with my own personal
parking space, dammit )


cardsGaggles of concupiscent
Muscleheaded Blog
groupies of every size
and description,

– with a ‘special flying squad’
of curvy, redheads –

( Hey-
— it IS my dream, right? )


Thousands of great Rock and Roll
radio stations 24 hours a day,

elvgrenwith no commercials,

( absolutely NO music by
Elton John,
Steve Miller,
or Manfred Mann —
they would be officially banned……
sorry, c. )


and Hawaiian Luaus
on every corner.

( Pass the ribs, please. )


and Guinness coming out of the water taps.

( no, of course,
—- no Budweiser.)


As much as I’d to think
that I had that kinda power,

I’m pretty sure everybody else on the planet
would get sick of living in my dream,
pretty damned quick.

b(except for the free Guinness,
… and the redheads, of course )

And it’s only “Good to be the King”
when the populace ain’t banging
at the castle doors screaming for your head on a spear.

— it can really suck.

Let ’em drink Guinness.


I was looking through a
book with predictions
that have been made a1
by various past prognosticators —

and some of them
struck my irony bone, a bit.


One of the greatest inventors
of our time,
Guglielmo Marconi, predicted that:

“The coming of the wireless era will make war impossible, because it will make it ridiculous.”

Well, he was right about the ridiculous part, anyway.


zHere’s one from out in left field —

The chief executive of a popular 1950’s
vaccum cleaner company, Lewyt:

“Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners
will probably be a reality in 10 years”.

Uh huh.

Give the consumer what they want, right ?

I do know his predictions sucked
worse than his vacuum cleaners.

1aThe Chief Engineer of the British Post Office in 1878 said:

“The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.
We have plenty of messenger boys.”

I’m not sure just how he woulda coped with 1-900 numbers.

maybe that explains why
everything moves slower over there, right?


I usually don’t like to read other people’s mail
( their diaries are another matter )

yesnobut, this one makes a fascinating read:

” Dear Mr. President:
The canal system of this country is being threatened by a new form of transportation known as ‘railroads’. As you may well know, Mr. President, ‘railroad’ carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 miles per hour by ‘engines’ which, in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside, setting fire to crops, scaring the livestock and frightening women and children. The Almighty certainly never intended that people should travel at such breakneck speed.”

Signed, Martin Van Buren,
Governor of New York, 1830.

With foresight like that,
maybe he shoulda run for
president himself, huh?baseball


And lastly….

Having served in the U.S. Navy,
the term “Military Intelligence”
has always seemed to be an
oxymoron to me,

…but this one is particularly
worth remembering —

When asked about the
potential of the Atomic Bomb,seesall
Admiral William Leahy told
the newly installed President Truman:

“That is the biggest fool thing
we have ever done.
The bomb will never go off,
and I speak as an expert in explosives.”

It just goes to show ya —-
nobody’s really an
expert on anything.