It’s Mail Call

a1It’s Mail Call !!!

During my time
in Navy boot camp,
all those years ago,

(yow-
time flies, huh?)

I can still remember
how much
we could always
look mailcallforward
to Mail Call —

It was then
that you got
all the goodies
from home
(if you had any)

that your loved
ones sent ya
(if you had any) —

and catch up on
your romantic
entanglementsa6
(if you had any) —

and otherwise,
share the wealth
with your buddies
(if you had any).

Of course,
that’s when the
bad news and
‘Dear John’ letters
came, too.

It’s much easier
to tell somebody
you’re taking up
with his best friend by mail —
especially when you know
he can’t just come
home right away.

So, it does happen –
– a lot.

Still, a boxload of
Grandma’s cookiespopular
would make it all
better, man.

Even if it was
somebody else’s
Grandma who made ’em.

Hey-
sharing is caring.

And now,
with the able assistance
of the Müscleheaded Blog —
avy
you, too, can experience
all the magic and mystery
of military mail call,

without all the inconvenience of:

having some big,
ugly Master Chief
screaming at you
to get your lazy ass
out of the rack for
reveille every morning —forgotten

without all the
rigmarole of:

folding and refolding
shirts, pants and underwear
over and over
and over and over  —

without all the silliness of:

making a bunk with
‘hospital corners’
so tight you could
bounce a quarter of it….a9

and without the pain of:

stowing your gear
in a lock box so small
you couldn’t keep
4 rubbers and a
full sized pin up
of Brigitte Bardot in it….

(not that you’d
need those rubbers,
anyway )

Ahem.

To give you a feeling
of what that
experience was like,
well….
it always started with
a bunch of guys
milling arounda4
trying to look like
they were busy —

Cause if you didn’t look busy,
the Navy could always find
something for you to do.

— you know,
like shining boots
that already reflected
your D.I’s face
better than a new
chrome bumper,a8

or walking around
with a clip-board
and occasionally making
a random check mark
or drawing a doodle —

Or, if the ‘smoking
lamp’ was lit —
well,
you were busy keeping
RJ Reynolds in business,
with a smoke in one hand,a1
and some Navy coffee
in the other.

You can always tell
if it’s Navy coffee —
cause it’ll eat through the bottom of a Styrofoam cup.

It’s not bitter exactly.
‘Harsh’ is more the word…..

Sorta like ‘Roseanne Barr
singing the National
Anthem’ in a mug.a99

Try facing THAT
first thing
in the morning, man.

So, anyway —

A guy would come in
with a huge mail bag
looking a bit like Santa,
(sans reindeer)
and start mispronouncing
last names.a5

I get how
somebody could
mangle MY name —
it’s Polish and has more consonants
than Roseanne Barr
has bad jokes.

But just how hard
do you have to work at it
to get ‘Jones’
or even ‘Smith’ wrong ?????a7

John Q. Bluejacket —
that one,
they’d get right, I bet.

There’d just be too
many of us, though.

He’d start handing out
envelopes and packages —
and if you were very lucky,a3
eventually he’d hand you
one or two.

Now, I know it
doesn’t sound all
that exciting,
but when you’ve been essentially
cut off from contact
with the outside world
for 9 weeks,
it was a big thing, baby.

Christmas, New Years,
and Halloween all in one.a2

Best thing ever, it seemed.

Especially since there
wasn’t such thing
anything remotely
like a conjugal mail call.

At least not that I
heard about, anyway.

HOY !!!!

a1

>

 

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The Friday Mail Bag

Not that we make
any real cohesive
sense any other
time, but our
Friday Mail Bag
posts are a chance
to really let our
theme-blog pants
down a bit more……..

Now,
please don’t take
that last sentence
seriously.

Nobody’s trying to
scare away our
remaining few
readers,
rest assured.

Note-worthily
nonobstant to
the fact that I got
some nice silk
‘hearts’ pajama
pants last
Valentines Day
that I’ve been
looking for an
excuse to wear.

Umm….
no,
best not to
visualize…
that’s my advice.

Today’s post
is brought to you
by the letter “N” –
for no other reason
than that I started
writing this thing
that way.

No secret codes
or anything
neat-o
like that.

Just some
nannicking
around with
some N’s, is all –
a write lacking
in any nexility.

But,
it’s a nice letter,
so why not,
I ask you ?

Ok,
so it’s not an “S”
but we can’t all be
s’s, you know.

It does have a very
comfortable spot
right in the middle
of the alphabet,
you gotta admit.

And you never have
to worry about things
going accidentally
plural like with an S.

Not that any of
this pro-N
propaganda
has anything to
do with our
post of the day,
naught –
– nil –
– nerts to that –
– no .

Sorry if it seems
I’m making a noema
about this………

I nuncopate –

Perish the thought.

!!! HOY !!!

It Could Just Be Magic

Prowling the
vaunted halls of
the Muscleheaded
Blog Archive for
fresh post fodder
ain’t always the
safest route to go
sometimes –

– yes,
there’s been a lot
of subject matter
covered on this
here Blog over
the years, and it
gets kinda
discouraging,
at times, to find
that all (most) the
juicy subjects that
I’m interested in have
been flogged almost
to death by yours truly,
leaving little skin
available for fresh ….
errrr…..
treatments.

But no worries –
like the great artist
Salvador Dali once said :
“Have No Fear Of
Perfection, You’ll Never
Reach It “.

And creativity
can come in
all sorts of forms,
ya know.

Sequels,
for instance.

Oh sure,
I’m the first
one to laugh mockingly
when I hear that TV
or movie producers
are fixin’ to make
another vapid
Vin Diesel vehicle ,
or a new talking/
revived/friendly
dinosaur movie,
or Superman XXII –
cause I think it reeks,
or groans, of cliche
and outright desperation.

Creativity can’t be found
in a paint-by-number
approach –
as Jack London would
say, ” You Can’t Wait
For Desperation, You
Have To Go After It “.

So, taking Jack on
his word,
(and totally
disregarding
that comment
about paint by
numbers approaches)
I dug around
and found some
neat-o vintage
magic posters
in my media library
that I actually never
posted about.

I have several friends
who are magicians —
and although they
won’t let me in on
their dark secrets….
( …. damn it….. )
I find that I must
have respect for
anyone who
understands
the true nature
of the Latin
proverb  :
omne ignotum
pro magnifico “.

And
OK,
yeah,
I know I did
magic posters before,
and it’s not really the
most original concept
for a post that I’ve ever
come up with – I admit –
but they’re fun and cool,
and I’m posting ’em,
dammit.

Your Mama can’t stop
me, your Daddy can’t
stop me…. etc, etc, etc.

Hey, you gotta admit,
this post is not only
chock-full of groovy
posters, but some
cleverly astute
quotes, too….

I think maybe this
whole “PART-TWO”
thing could be a
pretty good crutch
as long as one doesn’t
develop a limp on the
other side-
— whatever in
the hell that’s
supposed to mean.

(You can sure tell
quotes that I come
up with)

Anyhoo —
now,
back to :
Magic Posters,
The Sequel.

.

.

!!! HOY !!!

Friday Mail Batch

I’m sure you sheiks
and cuties have noticed
that today’s regularly
scheduled program has
been pre-empted for a
special presentation
from your friends here
at the Muscleheaded Blog.

So it’s not the
Friday
Mail-Bag,
today —

It’s the
Friday Mail-Batch.

Actually, if you want
to know the truth,
only the name has been
changed to protect ..

…. well, ok,
nobody’s
exactly innocent
around here…..

we’re just trying
to make it look
like we’re doing
something totally
new —
— instead of the
same-old-same-old.

Cause it does certainly
seem to work
for all those
big media/airline/
manufacturing/oil
companies when they
want to swallow up
the smaller ones —

— they make a
big deal out of their
new corporate name
instead of reminding
you that it’s same-old
product or service with
a brand-new higher
price.

Hey-
coming up with new
flashy names
is expensive……

All those pesky
focus groups
and surveys.

And what about
all those jobs
lost in the merger ?

Well, getting rid
of old office furniture
can be also very,
very expensive.

Jeeez.

So anyway —
ESTRON,
in cooperation
with SPECTRO,
GOGGLE,
YAMMER,
OATHER and
Merican Airways
present:

(big theme
crescendo)

The Friday Mail Batch.

(canned audience
applause)

Starring:
Old Postcards.
and
More Vintage
Crap Like That.

With a special
guest
appearance
by:

A Pin Up.

Promotional
consideration
provided by:

The
Oh,
Who Gives A Shit
Foundation

and

Friendzbook,
who reminds
you that
your personal
information
is our personal
information.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Just Think About Baseball II

A coupla years ago,
I did a post about
the relationships
between double
entendres and the
terminology and
slang of baseball…

and especially
how these had
been covered
so well and
deftly by some
vintage postcards
from the turn
of
the last century.

Baseball
really does
have it’s own very
special jargon –

And I totally get
the unique
connection
between love and
baseball lore —

– it makes perfect
sense.

Even simple terms
like slider, curve,
screw, and squeeze
suggest something
a little bit more than
hangin’ around a
dusty field with a
bunch of ‘players’.

A ball game played
using a phallic
shaped bat,
a soft, supple
glove ……..

… running through
all the bases in
order to score.

Hmmm.

Or consider
the sage advice
they sometimes
give to
over-enthusiastic
bush-league
young men on
certain special
occasions –

not to get
‘ ahead in
the count ‘  –

– by ‘thinking
about
baseball’ .

Box scores,
and stuff.

If you’re a male
and you’ve never
had to use this
technique, well,
aren’t you just a
‘Chinese Home Run’?

Choke up or
choke out is
what I say.

Being able to go
extra innings
is always better
than a platinum
sombrero, man.

Ahem.

Anyway,
I thought I had
kinda exhausted
the field
(as it were)
with the illustrations
on that post —

but since then,
I find I had
thrown a feeble
55 footer
that was low
and
inside with it.

Still,
I’d been balking at
the idea of redo-ing
it, without a clear
way of pitching it,
until I found a whole
new line-up of cool
cards that I wasn’t
even aware had
existed.

I had scouted em
out at the recent
card-stamp expo,
made the big trade
to acquire ’em,
and then figured
that it would just
take a short
hop to make
that original post
part of a double
header .

So, if you want,
you can check
out the original
post first,

or,

you can read
this one,
now officially
dubbed
Part Two ,

(you’re about half
into it already )

and then
you can go
back to Part One.

After which,
I’d like you
to let me know
which ones are
your picks
for “all-stars”.

I’ve tried toImage result for baseball love vintage postcard
avoid duplicates,
but if you spot
one,
well,
let know
where I fouled
out on it.

Otherwise,
I hope you find
these cards
a grand slam !

Batter up !

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

That Sucking Sound

Wandering aimlessly
though the digital
wasteland a couple
of days ago…..

I was amazed at just
how much vacuum
of which the internet
is actually composed.

You can almost
hear a sucking
sound when
you open your
browser.

Sure,
I’m kidding –

– but just barely.

There does seem
to be much,
much ado
about mostly car-exhaust-vacuum
nothing.

Not that there ain’t
some things to see,
of course,

— like all of my
friends’ blogs
right here on WP…..

or, if you knowhair
right where
you’re going.

I just mean how
limited really good,
accurate information is.

Sometimes it’s
actually shocking
what’s NOT available.

On this particular
occasion, one of
my friends had devle
gotten my brain
all stewed up with ideas…

But as I looked for stuff
to accentuate the flavor
(as it were),
I couldn’t find
the right ingredients.

So I ended up
ambling toward
one of my favorite
online sites–
the Urban Dictionary.

I must admit
I’d be lost without it.

I was born in
the late 1950’s…
so the slang constantly
used in the media as2
these days leaves
me totally kerfruzzled.

Oh, kerfluzzled
is one of the words
I’m now learning to use,
thanks to my friends
here on WordPress,
and, of course,
the Urban Dictionary.

I was kerichunked
when someone originally
made a comment using
the word and had to
look it up on the UD.

Kerichunked–
ya know, surprised.

Not to be confusedappl
with kerjunked
which refers to a
hard and fast
sexual experience.

What?

Jeez, man–
I think you might
be more outta
the loop than I am.
(he said….
…. while kermitting wildly)

And of course,facesuck
as a rather rude reader
pointed out over
the weekend —

(in a roundabout way,
since he was obviously
a blogging nescient,
and could obviously
use some of these
pictured products)

That I should recognize
that using these pumps
strange vocabulary
words to illustrate
vapid, jejeune concepts
is casuistical of me,

but somehow,
it seems
like one
kerplinkerdinker
of a talent to me,
personally.

Oh sure,
I know sneaking
in the casuistical one
was a little off the
‘ker’ topic,

—- but I left it in
there as a kinda
kernubbin, if you will.

Kernfuzed, yet?hoover

Yeah, me too.

Hey–
why not use this
handy-dandy glossary
that I have so
thoughtfully provided.

— Hmmmm???

.

Handy Dandy GLOSSARYtubes

A Nescient – An Ignoramus

Kerfuzzled – Confused

Kerichunked – Surprised

Kerjunked– Hard and fast orgasm

Kermitting – Waving your arms like a muppet

Kernubbin – The last morsel of something great

Kerplinkerdinker — An awesome ability
that can’t easily be pronounced

Casuistical – Sophistic

Kernfuzed
I just made that up.

.

!!!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!

zenith