Toofer Tuesday

Somehow I think
it’s appropriate….

since my long
dreaded semi-annual
visit to my crusty,
trusty Dentist is
scheduled for today,
that we choose
a topic that
reveals just how
past generations
regarded the
profession
of the exodontist.

They didn’t
seem to like em.

Just sayin’.

Hey, don’t shoot
the messenger,
man.

It’s not that
he ain’t a
great guy
– he is –
and it ain’t like
his cute nurse
ever hesitates
to hold my hand
and make me feel
like I don’t really
hate everything
about what I’m
about to be going
through in that
damned glorified
barber’s chair….

And he’s never
objected, not
even once, to
my Ipod blaring
in both of my ears
in a vain attempt
to block out the
mental screaming
emanating from
the back of my
amygdala —
and my not so
silent, but very
desperate desire
to escape the
reality of the
moment.

The receptionist even
saves me a couple red
lollipops for when the
mostly imagined
agony is all over.

Really,
they’re all lovely
in that office.

It’s me with the
attitude problem
about it, and
I know that.

If I had spent
one hundredth
of the time
taking care of
my purleys when
I was a young man,
I wouldn’t be wasting
half my life in there,
now.

So, I gotta
just suck it up,
like one of those
noisy, invasive
devices the nurse
is always shoving
down into my
lower lip.

And now that
I think about it,
why does the
application of
the pain killer
hurt worse than
just having the
work done
cold turkey ???

( I imagine,
anyway…. )

Oh sure,
and
I don’t like the
look of those
needles he uses,
either.

All pointy
and stuff.

It conjures up
images of Doctor
Frankenstein —

He’s ALIVE !!!!!!

And why
should I have
to have an XRAY
every time?

I feel like my mouth
is going to be glowing
in the dark before
too long.

I have a sneaking
suspicion that the
X-Ray technician only
flirts with me so I
won’t make a fuss,
I must say.

Sure it works,
why wouldn’t it ?

I’m human.

Sorta.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

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Damn You, I’m Sorry

beepYeah,
sure,
I know
I’m
perfect
and all.

That doesn’t
mean that
I don’t make
mistakes, man.ben

Ok, so’s
not that often
that I’d want
to admit
to anything,
or some
such crazy talk.

No.

Still,
you have
to wonder
how other
people a
little less perfect
handle things likebody
apologies when it
comes down to a
situation
requiring one…..

… like
when
one is,

well,
you know…

…. wrong.boogier

Perish
the
thought.

Ahem.

So,
anyhoo–

Apologies.

Most of the time,
(I’m told, anyway)nuts
that folks find
apologies are
easiest and
most effective
when they’re
made in writing.

Oh sure,
it’s prima facie
evidence….

But you’re already
pretty surel
they know
you were the one
who did it, or you
wouldn’t be writing
the damn thing
in the first place………..

So,
learn the
proper technique–

and you’ll probably
have some success in
convincing those
you have offended
that you really didn’t
mean to do what
you did —

despite the fact
that you did it
with full
knowledgepizza
and aforethought,
without any
coercion or
collusion,
and possessed
of sane mind
and body.

Never mind
the whole
‘you meant to
do it’ stuff…

Just suck it up,
and erase that
whole ” P.S. ”
paragraph mf
explaining
why you were
justified in doing it
while you still can.

Hey, it’s for
your own
good, buddy.

!!! HOY !!!!

.

rickkrispey

Do Something

death As anybody who’s
ever read this here
Muscleheaded Blog
knows, I’m no
philosopher.

It’s not my
place/role/
mission/avocation
to break our existence
down into it’s several
component parts,

and explain daffy
each one
of them in a way
that they can be
clearly understood
and appreciated.

Nope.

And it’s not
given to me
to offer
sage advice
on important down
matters
of life and love.

Nope.

Hell,
I wouldn’t
take any
of my own advice….

so,tophat
I see no reason
why anybody
else should.

For all I know
this thing of
ours that
we call life
is nothing but
a colossal circle-jerk
or some kind of
supernal
misunderstanding.

What was that
question about the
meaning of life?

Ahhh —

well, I dunno,
you might try
the IRS toll freea2
information line.

(That’s assuming they’re
not on furlough again),
if you call
three times
and ask the
same question,
I bet you’ll get
at least three
different answers
from them, too.

That’s not much
of a ideology
upon which to base
constructive suggestions,
I would think.

Nope.

My job is simplyiam
to laugh at it all.

And I spend a good deal
of time and energy
trying to fulfill my role
in that respect.

I’m not saying
it’s a tough job
or anything —
there’s so much
that is genuinely funny,dwig
either on the baser, gut level,
or on a more existential one.

Life isn’t easy —
— and if you can’t laugh at it,

well–
how much harder
does that make it, then?

I say, laugh…
’cause you can bet
that our cosmic
audience is, already.

I mean, sure —
it’s nice to be
able to say
that I’m gonna
change this,
or I’m gonna do
that different —wakeup

And on a personal level,
that’s perfectly practical,
and commendable.

But outside of that,
we’re all just
being washed slowly
down the universal river
without a paddle —

— no chance to eddy out on this ride.

People, places, and things
are just part of the
scenery sliding past.

So, if you get a chance to laugh
at the occasional
squirrel trying to
fuck an oak tree,
my advice is to
have at it, man.rest

Laugh,
I mean —

— but if you really
want a crack at that
old oak tree, yourself,
well…

… just watch out for
those damned splinters.

HOY !!!!

munson

Travel Week: Road Kill For Tourists

Ummm…..
well, it’s still
” travel week ”
around the old
blog-stead ……

And after
putting up
with the same
ole crapola
year after year,
you might think
that our dear
regular readersjosephcityarz
would say
” Enough Already ! “
and demand to
be taken
toward horizons
where no man
has gone before……

Not that I
would havebigg
any idea on
how to even
take y’all there.

Hey–
Root Beer !!!!

We must be on
the right road,
after all.

Thankfully,
when we get
requests
around here,
they’re usually inbronto
much more
familiar territory.

My friend Jen
wants more
wacked out
Roadside Attractions.

And that’s one
brontoburger
I really can deliver.

Sure, there’s places
you want to steer
well clear of ,
for one reason
or another……..

But there’s also
planty of places
I’ve been to
that fit the bill
very, very
nicely.cawkercityiowa

Honestly,
you just wouldn’t
believe the
‘out there’ stuff
that’s……
….. well ….,
out there.

Notwithstanding twine
the fact
that their
very weirdness
is really about
the only thing
that makes
them interesting.

Yep–
a big ball of twine.

Ahem.

I bet if you’ve
been wthingsdriving
on Interstate-10
between El Paso
and Tuscon,
you’ve seen these
irritatingly ubiquitous signs…..

Obnoxious
Overkill ?

I guess it would seem so
until you realize what
they’re advertising….. i10thing

It’s the THING.
AKA:
The
“Mystery of the Desert”.

Ooooooo…
you say…..

How intriguing,
right?

Ummm…
well, wonder
how do you feel
about having
smoke being,
not just blown,
but absolutely
gale-driven,
up your ass?

Pay your dollar
at this place
in Dragoon, Arizona,
and you’ll find out. wmummy

I’ll save you
the hundred
pennies–

It’s said to be a ‘gaff’ —
— a faked mummy —
supposedly of a
mother and child.

PT Barnum would be proud.

Will it turn your stomach? thething

Not any more than
the fried chicken
in the gift shop, I guess.

And I do like
me some cheap
wind-chimes, tho.

!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

windy

It’s A Mighty Cool World

You might
think that
I’m a bit of
a cynic,
but I don’t really
see it that way.

Laughing at
the way
things/people are
isn’t (for me, anyway)
cynicism —
it’s pragmatism.

Cynicism is a
closed-off way
of viewing the world
that doesn’t allow
for change –

Me,
I’m not
against change.

I don’t like it
a lot of times,
especially when
it comes down
to:

renaming/conglomerating
corporations for profit-purposes,

having people tell me
how to think/worship/
talk/write/work out/
live my life in the
name of social order,
or somebody else’s
personal preferences,

changing the meanings
of words around for
purely mercenary motives,

calling things
‘new and improved’
when all it means is
‘no better but
more expensive’ –

watching Orwellian
concepts like:
“All animals are equal,
but some animals are
more equal than others “

be put into practice as if
there was not a damned
thing wrong with ’em –

being worked
too hard
paid too little-
and then be expected
to just die and get
the hell out of the
way at the end
of it all –

and hearing people
talk about ‘God”
when they really
mean ‘Money’.

You know,
— stuff like that —

but I’m always
hoping for the best.

Change can
be a good thing.
( I keep telling myself. )

Reducing to the ridiculous
with humor and sarcasm
helps me keep perspective
when things get really weird.

And, I’m happy to say
that there are things
in this world that
can still boggle,
and toggle,
my imagination.

People can do it.

Art can do it.

Occasionally,
a discovery or
an invention
can do it.

And, of course,
music can do it.

It’s a real cool world,
a really cool world. 

.

 

What The Devil

I’ve been noticing
a variety of celebrities
getting some bad
press recently…

It seems to run
in cycles,
somehow.

Periodically,
since the media
has built up these
‘personalities’,
I guess it feels
it has the perfect
right to tear
’em right back down
again –

– at any time
it suits their
purposes to do so.

And of course,
that’s anytime
— any time —
that there’s
$$money$$
to be made
on the deal.

I dunno why,
exactly,

— but it
does kinda
bring to mind
the image of a
nefarious,
notorious
character
straight
out of legend,
lore and
mythology….

Talk about
bad press, man,
he’s been the
king of bad
press for centuries.

But apparently,
somebody still
likes him, cause
he’s making
all kinds
of comebacks
on TV shows,
books and commercials
( and politics ) .

And as tight assed
as the Edwardians
truly were, they seemed
to favor him on their
postcards as well.

A lot of time,
they wouldn’t
mention
his name,
or his place
of residence..

— and if they did,
it would be encoded
or in a hushed tone.

Superstition?

Bad juju ?

Well,
ok, partly.

But also,
because the
Postal Service
could be a
real stickler
about stuff
like that.

Yep, it was (is)
against postal
regulations to seem
be promoting the
image of the guy
using the mails.

Especially
a postcard –

– which can be seen
by anybody –
women, children,
and wild eyed
bible thumpers,
alike.

I’ve always
regarded
the guy,
and his
dwelling place,
as an allegory –

— one cooked up
for the purpose of
keeping people on
the straight
and narrow —

(sorta like
a mythical
buzz-kill)

– but there are still
plenty of folks
who absolutely
believe that he’s
alive and living
right down
the street,
doing tattoos
for a living,
running the local
headshop, or even
writing blogs.

Some guys even
dress for it, 
and play up
this image,
particularly my
fellow bikers,
mainly because it
scares the squares.

I get it —

I like to do
a bit of
square scaring
myself,
occasionally.

As far as
devil imagery
is concerned, though,
I’m not really a fan…..

But I’ve got
plenty of
postcards in my
mail bag
that are just burning
to ‘get the hell
out of there’…

— if you’ll
pardon the
rather mixed metaphor —

And, since there’s
no torment in Hades
that’s worser
(sure, why not ‘worser’)
than the one that a
writers-blocked blogger
feels when he’s scratchin’
around for a topic……

well,
here ya go.

And speaking
of ‘getting
the hell out of there’,
a big howdy to
our friends
down in Martin County, Florida.

Welcome back
to civilization,
– or what passes
for it, anyway.

!!! HOY !!!

.