And Here’s One For You Too

fingerI wish it would never happen, but it does.

For one reason or another,
a misunderstanding occurs —

Usually,
it’s my sense of humor that starts the trouble,

—a harmless jesting comment,

or a joke that falls flat ….

…… and , pow,
outta nowhere,

comes an insult that I was neither expecting,
— nor, do I think I deserved.

Ooooops….
…. somebody took THAT one the wrong way.

Not that I don’t think I deserve an ass-whoopin’
on every convenient occasion,

but it’s just that I figure somebody
should wait until I meant some harm before they do it,

———- or at the very least,
ask nicely for one. a1

I’m not gonna apologize for any misunderstanding,

once the other party responds with a nasty or mean insult.

It just shows me what they’re really about…

…. and that they weren’t all that nice to begin with.

And of course, a sharp tongue
is no indication of a keen wit.

Ah,
never mind.

One thing about insults,
is that when they’re
delivered out of the clear blue,
they really hurt worse than
ones you’re expecting.

For instance,
if a girl slaps you,
throws wine on you,
and storms out of a restaurant,
you kinda expect her to have
a few choice words
about your heritage
and your upbringing
while she’s doing it.

enoughBut if you’re tucked up in bed,
enjoying a nice quiet cuddle and feel,
and suddenly she makes a crack about
‘maybe size really is something
to consider after all’ ,

…. well ….

You’re likely to feel a bit more discommoded.

Discomposed.

Discomfited.

You know… just plain DIS’D.

Hell, you can always build muscle,

…. but some parts of the
body don’t respond
to weight training,
no matter WHAT you do.

It’s important, though, to know how and when to stand for an insult.

Being a man comes with a lot of cool privileges, like:

scratching your balls for 20 minutes first thing in the morning,
being able to pee standing up and just about anywhere,
wearing anything you want to the gym without a cloud of critique,
being the official stuck-jar opener of the household,
punching any mechanical device as a repair technique,
looking at pics of Dita Von Teese on your cell at a funeral service,
using your bathroom as a second office,
growling, grunting, and grumbling while doing chores,
beefing up your lawn tractor to 112 horsepower,
admiring a passing feminine form no matter who likes you doing it,
……. and never even being tempted to fake an orgasm.

ditaYep….

— it’s good to be the king.

Hey, did I mention Dita Von Teese ?

Oh, yeah.

I did, didn’t I ?

Ok… as long as I didn’t forget her.

Not that I could, I guess.

But, I digress.

Ahem.

As I was sayin’…

Manhood is pretty cool and all.

forestBut there’s some burdens, too…

… one of them being that
when a woman insults
or slaps you, you stand for it.

You can’t win here,

so don’t try to trade insults,
and don’t try to be clever.

And of course–
No TAG BACKS.

( do I have to mention that a left cross
to her face in an elevator in Atlantic City
is strictly out ???

Just WTF is wrong with some guys ?????? )

Smile, and walk away, man, just walk away.

Consult the man rules,
— Chapter one, Sub-section 4,
if you don’t believe me.

It’s right next to holding doors for ladies,
— even when they sneer at you for doing it.

men

When another GUY insults you–

well, of course,
———— that’s a contusion of an
entirely different color —

A lot has to do with whether you
really give a flying fuck what he thinks, though,

….. and whether he’s got any intention
of taking it any further than an insult.

If you couldn’t care less what he thinks,
and he’s no risk to you and yours ,

— you can laugh it off
and tell him his opinion
means as much to you
as the name of Richard Nixon’s
hairstylist.

How you handle the other kind of situation
is completely up to you, though.

But, I got your back, brother.

HOY!

.

PS…. here’s something from my mail bag
that seems oddly appropriate.

.

slap

Now, The Golden Age Of Ballooning

balloonNow,
the Golden Age of Ballooning .

Ya see,

There were these two brothers,
living in Annonay, France
around 1783…

Yawn.

Man.undecided

I can’t get started here tonight.

I’m in one of those:

‘Hell, I dunno what I wanna post’ moods.

So,
I’m just gonna wing it, man.

(What’s new, huh?)

I did find some groovy stuff in my:

‘do a future post on this’ folder —

But, it’s completely disjointed,oops

….. and one piece has virtually
nothing to do with another.

(Again,
— what’s new, huh? )

Sure,
they’re unique and all —

How was I gonna tie them all together?

That, indeed,
was really a quandary, however.

See,
originally,bal

I didn’t want to do a post on
the Golden Age of Ballooning at all.

Nope.

I wanted to be a lumberja—

Err,
I mean,

I wanted to do a post on
my favorite beach in Texas,

which of course,

is Galveston Island.

galveston(Sure,

I bet you knew that, too. )

As long as you’re there before
/after Spring Break erupts
like a teen’s bad complexion,

—– you’d probably love the place,
as much as I do.

And–
if you happen to be INTO
only-slightly-post-pubescent tomfoolery,a1

and the lingering scent of
Red Bull and Jaegermister vomit,

Anyway,

if you like that kinda stuff, well….

you might like Galveston
even at that time of the year, then, too,

Hell, I dunno.drown

I will say–

There’s nothing that will get you
arrested faster in that part of Texas
than a middle-aged man getting
under-21 College Girls drunk
and taking advantage of them, though–

So maybe,
either,
you shouldn’t consider that option,galveston1

or, at the very least,

— find a way not to get arrested for it.

Hey,
they got a special cell waiting
for you and everything.

But I did have a couple of cool
vintage things from there
to bring to that party,

that I’ve now gotta find another use for…..

( not from the special cell–
— from Galveston! )

devilsauctionI just didn’t want to give you
any bad ideas that would
get you into trouble.

I’m always doing that to people.

Sorry.

One of my readers had
suggested I do a post on horses.

And they’re fun to ride, sure.

But,
other than the 94 horses that
my motorcycle engine possesses,

I know very little,
and next to nothing about horses.

Mark Twain once said,
that a writer should write
what you know, so…

Hmmm.

Actually,
with that quote in mind,

— it’s a wonder anything EVER
gets written for this site,
on any subject.

Jeeez.

So then ,
I thought —

Well,
everybody likes strippers —a1a

—- so, what I really needed
to do was a post about famous
strippers of the early 1900’s.

Talk about a subject of
broad general interest, right ???

And, yes, of course
there were famous strippers
in the early 1900’s.

How could I do a post on ’em,
….. if there weren’t any ?

I mean,
OK—
there weren’t many.

Which probably explains
why I didn’t do THAT post, either.

.

burlesk

.

Editors Note:

Click here
( ok,
not there, exactly,
but below, )
for:
PART ONE-‘B’ of
The Golden Age of Ballooning“.

I mean, you could click there,
(on the first ‘click here’)
but it’s not set up as a link,
so it’s kinda pointless.

On the other hand,
the part right after PART ONE-‘B’ of —
I set that up to work as a hyperlink.

Now, I know what you
might be asking, right now :

” ……… hey, I don’t wanna
piss on your parade or anything,

but, why didn’t you just put the
hyperlink where you put the
‘click here’ instead of convoluting
the whole process with a droning
on and on explanation about how
you shouldn’t try to click where
you just told somebody to click
because it doesn’t work, but you
know good and well you could
have done it that way and
saved everybody
(well, not everybody,
but a substantial percentage
of your readers, although somehow
I doubt you have anyone that would
have even gotten this far in such
a rambling post as this one,
but we’ll put that on the back burner
for the time being…)
from reading a bunch of words
that we’re all too bloody busy
in this all-too-self-involved and
self-indulgent post-industrial
society to have to wade through,
simply because you can’t keep
it simple, you bloody fool–
I mean, come on,
why would you do that?”

Well, my friend,
that’s a fair question.

Next.

.

teich1950's