Innuendo and Intimations

Important
Announcement:

Our readers
have spoken.

In the rampage
row and riot
(ok, maybe that’s
a bit overstating
it, I’ll admit )

of response
and comments
regarding
our post
C*NSORSHIP

We have
definitely
determined
one thing.

What this
blog needs
is much
more :
double-entendres,
and
more :
suggestive,
nuanced,
salacious,
ribald,
titillating
( hmmm,
there’s something
about that word
that I really like
the sound of
)
content .

Ok, so maybe
that’s just my
interpretation,
ya know…..

But I’ve always
felt that a blogger
should always
write about
what they know —

– and what
they feel
down deep
( in their heart ).

And I can’t think
of any theme that
does my heart good
like this one does.

Just makes me feel
warm all over.

And it’s nice to
know that, despite
being a tiny minority
of peeples, our readers
mostly feel the same
way about it.

So,

(I know it’s a
pretty big step,
but here goes…. )

after extended
negotiations with
the mythical and
totally fictional
higher-ups here at
the also totally
fictional and even
more mythical
Muscleheaded
Industries…

I’ve decided to
add another formal
motto to our
Muscleheaded Blog
approved list of
official slogans.

Yes,
now,
in addition to
such important
and solemn
sayings as :

” Say No To Snow ”
( Number one three
years in a row…. )

” Stay Away From
The Snack Bar ”

(A moldy oldie
but a goodie… )

” Too Much
Ain’t Enough ”

( I think they made
a movie about that
one…. )

and ..
“Make Love
Not Cole Slaw”
(not really our best work)

We now proudly
add this one:

” If It Ain’t Got
A Zing, It Don’t
Do A Thing. “

Ok-
so maybe it doesn’t
have the emotional
impact and creative
genius of a
“Say No To Snow”

and maybe
we coulda
put more work
into the whole thing,
rather than just
ripping off a
Duke Ellington
song title from
the 1940’s….

Yeah,
ok, so
there’s that.

But we felt that
our other
potential choices,
like:
“Bring On The Nubiles”
(another song
title rip-off)
or
“Lick The Screen
If You Like It”
,
were still a little
off the mark as far
as our newly rejuvenated
approach to provocative
posts, like this one.

(There is something
weirdly appealing
about the idea of our
readers licking their
monitors, but we’ll
save that for another
day.)

So, the new slogan
stands, and hurray
for that.

Let’s just
run it up
the flagpole
and see who
salutes,
like I always say.

And remember,
friends:

” If It Ain’t Got A… ”

wait…

what was that
stupid thing again?

.

!!! HOY !!!

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Photo Boothing

My buddy Jen sent
me a funny picture
of a couple of dogs
mugging in one of
those coin-operated
automated photo
booths, and it got
me to thinking-

(always a
dangerous thing)

— just how many
hilarious examples
of this kinda thing
must be
out there
somewhere.

I guess it
must be true,
cause you can
do some really
goofy stuff in
front of a camera
in 5 second intervals.

Hell, I’ve been
known to participate
in some pretty silly
photo booth high jinks
myself when they were
still popular in arcades
and such.

Of course,
that required
pain-staking research,
searching every nook
and cranny of the
interwebs and stuff,
but
hey,
anything for
our readers, right ?

Well, here’s
the thing.

Most of the vintage
photo sets from
4 for a quarter
photo booths
that I found were
kinda lame…..

(with a few
exceptions)

People skewing up
their faces, bugging
their eye balls, and
making obscene
gestures is pretty
much par for the
course.

Not that
I have any
issue with any
of that-

– it just so
happens
that I hold
an advanced
degree in
obscene
gestures…..

….. but it’s just
not something
that would make
for all that thrilling
of a post,
if you get
my drift.

You seen
one middle
finger, you
seen em all.

But never fear —

( notwithstanding
how really slow
I was in
realizing it ) –

we did finally
figure out
that those
old fashioned
backdrop shots
that they used
to sell at the
beach,
arcades,
zoos, and
in amusement parks
could get pretty risque
or downright bizarre…

— especially those
from around
World War II.

Folks would simply
stick their head
or other appendages
into cut-outs on the
backdrop-

Then:
the camera
would click,
the light
would flash,
and – presto –
instant humiliation
stored on photo
emulsion paper.

Who wouldn’t
want ten
pounds
of that,
I ask you ?

Of course,
folks had a
much better
sense of humor
back then…….

And they hadn’t
learned yet the
truth of the now
defunct rule 74 –

– that if you
look like
you’re naked
or are doing
something
naughty in
a picture,
even if it
ain’t really
you, for all
practical purposes,
you are,
and for all time.

Don’t I know it.

(Rule 74 was
officially replaced
in the early
2000’s by :
Rule 74-R
which states that
unless you’re doing
so completely out
there while you’re
naked , (or a politico
or celebrity), that
makes it stand out
from the trillions
of other naked
pics floating
around
on the internet
somewhere,
there’s a very
strong chance
that nobody will
want/notice/care/
even see it. )

Ahem.

I honestly
don’t know
which version
of that rule that
I like least, but
anyhoo……

For those
of you who
tuned in to
see the funny
photo strips….

well,
if you’ve
got any:

just send em along
in care of this here
blog, we’ll still do
it on another post.

I just didn’t
have near
enough good
ones to make
a whole post
interesting.

And I do like
these vintage
‘cut-out’ shots 
a whole lot better
that the photo strips
I ended up not using.

It comes down
to simply this :

sometimes
a detour
will get ya
ya where you’re
going somewhere
faster than the
main road.

Not often,
I grant ya.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

?????? WANT MORE ??????

Alrighty …………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mary And Her Monkey

edAs I have been
heard to say
more than once…..

Our Edwardian
predecessors could
get downright weird.

Their postcards
show this
tendency very clearly.

Oh sure, I know — monk
it’s just harmless fun, sure.

Until somebody puts
an eye out or something.

Alright, so I don’t know
what I’m talking about.
monk2
That’s never stopped us
around here before.

The truth is that sometimes,
their humor has completely
lost it’s meaning to us
modern-day in-the-know folk,

monk3— and we really don’t know
what the hell they
were talking about.

I’d LOVE to say
I get the joke,
but a lot of references
just get very lost in
the fog of history
and changes in language.  4

So, even a seemingly
simple, dirty spin
on a nursery rhyme
requires a PhD in
cultural anthropology
to really be understood.

As far as the naughty
symbolism 5is concerned,
I’m thinking that we
we might have simply
switched animals over
the course of a century……

And I’m betting she woulda
had a lot more fun with
that monkey if she had
just gone ahead 6
and shaved it.

Just sayin’.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!!