So You Say

When I was a little
kiddy winky, whenever
any adult didn’t wanna
tell me where they
heard about a mischief
or misadventure of mine,
(and I had plenty),
they’d say something like:
A Little Bird Told Me ” .

For a while, that certainly
caused me consternation,
and more than a bit of
suspicion when it came
to any ” feathered
friends” that were
lurking about.

Those winged little bastards
had a lot of nerve spying
on me, I thought.

They had a distinct
disadvantage over me
in that they could check
out whatever what I was
up to from the safety of
the telephone pole.

I didn’t mind ’em
watching me, but
there was no excuse
for ratting me out.

Plans for an extensive
retaliatory strike involving
a purloined pellet gun
were still in the making
when I suddenly realized
that I had grown up, and
I found out the whole
thing fell under the
general category of
“popular expressions”.

Man, it’s no wonder
we kids hadn’t
trusted adults…

— they’d lie to us
in a heartbeat, jeeez.

Sure, use
the excuse that
they were rhetorical
devices –
but we all knew
better.

And, I never did
believe that Easter
Bunny shit, ya know.

Birds making sure I
went to school, ok,
but I drew the line
at giant rabbits
laying artificially
colored eggs.

Anyhoo ;
many of
the expressions
didn’t make a
whole lot of
sense to anybody,
never mind a kid.

” Raining Cats
And Dogs.”

Under what
circumstances
would anybody
think that
was possible?

A troglodyte
cave dweller
under a kennel
during a
sinkhole?

Not all that
likely, right?

Right.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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Ye Olde Font Of Wisdom

For our thought-
provoking and all
inspiring Muscleheaded
Blog post for today,
we thought that we’d
dip deep into the
bottomless font of
ye-olde fashioned
wit and wisdom —

— and bring you
some forgotten, obscure
and abandoned adages
about love from
yesteryear.

Lest we forget that there
was an awful lot of truth
hidden down in there,
somewhere.

But, in our attempt
to drink deep of
pathos, cynicism,
irony, incongruity,
and yes, even a bit
of sardonicism —

— we never want to:

slurp with syrupy
sermonizing ,

preach with over-
principled
pontification,

harangue with
high-minded
hell-fire,

expound on
entangled
ethicalities,

And please
remember :

When In Doubt,
Pinkies Out.kiddo

Now, you may
ask yourself …

Self, where in
the hell is this
maniac driving
this post to ?

And the answer
is, oh, so simple,
really.

It was carved so
beautifully on the
walls of a cave in
the Tatra Mountains
of Southern Poland
by some wandering
philosopher or sage
hundreds of years
ago :

” Nie idź
za mną,

bo jestem
zbyt

zagubiony “

Amazing.Image result for postcard vintage love adage

Roughly
translated,
it means:

” Don’t
Follow Me 

I’m Lost
Too “

ahhhh….

… the wisdom of
the ages, right?

.

.

!!! HOY !!!

Enigma Week: Howdy Pardner

aropinHowdy, y’all.

Don’t you find
it interesting…..

no matter
how much
somebody travels,

…..there always
seems to be a
blind spot for
one’s own backyard.

Because of my
years travelling,dude

I find it relatively easy
to relate to people
from all over the world–

But,
I still find that
even some parts
of my own country
and culture are a
complete enigma to me.

Take cowboys,
for instance.

Despite having been to:

San Antonio,
(where they make the salsa)a1

Dallas, 
(where it’s hard to find a
decent steak for some reason)

Tulsa,
(where they got Big Drillers
with little pet penguins)

Billings,
(it really is some Big Sky, man)

and yes,
CheyenneRayWalters
(I once went out with the girl
they named that place after) —

I’m not even mentioning Butte.

( that’s another place
they named after
that same girl,
I think.. )

I did like them
places pretty well,
and all,1

Despite the fact
that they wouldn’t let me
into John Wayne’s secret vaults
in the basement of the Alamo.

( Just ask Pee-Wee about that
if you don’t believe me. )

But somehow,

I had gotten myself
into a mind-set2
that the real life
version of cowboys were only:

either individual eccentric anomalies,

characters out of fiction or movies,

or a thing of the past.

Hmmmph.1942

But—

Having just recently returned
from 4 days in the heart
of cowboy country, though,

I now know better,
of course,

…. and that it ain’t true t’all.

I understand that having
made that kinda mistake,

will lead some folks to think
that I’m just another
big dumb Easterner.acactus

But I’m not.

I’m a big dumb Southerner,
— thank you.

There’s actually a huge swath of this land,

especially west of the Mississippi River—

that is inhabited by peopleasaddle
who identify themselves
with the cowboy lifestyle,

and I apologize that I
ever thought different.

All them ten-gallon hat jokes
being some kind of
compensation mechanism
that I’ve been makin’ all these years,

— I hereby withdraw,
retract, and utterly disavow.

That joke about
why women married
to cowboys never blink cowboy
during foreplay —

( You know, because there isn’t time. )

Not for a moment,
will that ever pass my lips.

And that one about
why cow girls walk bowlegged —

( because cowboys like to eat with their hats on. )

I promise I will never
tell that gem again.a1

Never.

On no account,

will I ever again refer
to cowboy romance as:
“stable relationships“.

And until pigs fly,

I will forever forgo making
a connection between
bushy, brown mustaches and the song:

Looking For Love
In All The Wrong Places”.

Those are the kinda things
that causes folks to have the
wrong ideas about cowboys,a1

….. and I’m just not havin’ it.

Mainly,

because they were so
darn tootin’ nice to me out there.

Somebody even gifted me a brand new Stetson….

a2Although,

Wearing it makes me look as out of place as
Moe from “The Three Stooges”

—on the nude version
of “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”.

(Sure,
it might just be the haircut,
who knows. )

Anyhoo —

In order to make amends,

I thought today that I would post
a couple of what a friend of mine
from Oklahoma calls ‘Cowboy Wisdom’ —1912

And what I thought,

–being the contrary bastard that I am,

I would call ‘Cowpoke Catchphrases’.

Not much difference, right?

Well,

as she would say:

” Don’t worry about
biting off more than you can chew,
……because your mouth
is probably a whole lot bigger
than you’d think. “

horseBoy, she does know me pretty well,
I guess.

Ahem.

Sally had initially emailed me
about a post I did years ago
about:
‘Wicked Dangerous Sports’

— and gave me some
very funny Western Words of Wisdom:

“The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.”

Mmmmmm…

………………………. nurses.zoemozert

Ummm…
uh oh.

I can feel myself getting distracted.

Ahem.

I love the humor
and the practical approach
to life these aphorisms reflect.

There’s also a uniquely
American aspect to this kinda wisdom, too.

I dunno where these have been
when I really needed them, though.

Here’s one I like a lot:goggles

If you happen to find yourself in a ditch,
the first thing to do is stop digging.

I think I could use that
adage a lot as I’m writing my posts.

And, after having a couple conversations with her,

I think I’ve come to realize
the truth of another one of her sayings:

” There are two lines of thought
about how to successfully argue with a woman-
………… and neither of them works worth a damn. “

Hey, these cowpunchers really ARE smart.

They’re sorta like Sages of the Sagebrush.

HOY !!!!

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