Ye Olde Font Of Wisdom

For our thought-
provoking and all
inspiring Muscleheaded
Blog post for today,
we thought that we’d
dip deep into the
bottomless font of
ye-olde fashioned
wit and wisdom —

— and bring you
some forgotten, obscure
and abandoned adages
about love from
yesteryear.

Lest we forget that there
was an awful lot of truth
hidden down in there,
somewhere.

But, in our attempt
to drink deep of
pathos, cynicism,
irony, incongruity,
and yes, even a bit
of sardonicism —

— we never want to:

slurp with syrupy
sermonizing ,

preach with over-
principled
pontification,

harangue with
high-minded
hell-fire,

expound on
entangled
ethicalities,

And please
remember :

When In Doubt,
Pinkies Out.kiddo

Now, you may
ask yourself …

Self, where in
the hell is this
maniac driving
this post to ?

And the answer
is, oh, so simple,
really.

It was carved so
beautifully on the
walls of a cave in
the Tatra Mountains
of Southern Poland
by some wandering
philosopher or sage
hundreds of years
ago :

” Nie idź
za mną,

bo jestem
zbyt

zagubiony “

Amazing.Image result for postcard vintage love adage

Roughly
translated,
it means:

” Don’t
Follow Me 

I’m Lost
Too “

ahhhh….

… the wisdom of
the ages, right?

.

.

!!! HOY !!!

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Enigma Week: Howdy Pardner

aropinHowdy, y’all.

Don’t you find
it interesting…..

no matter
how much
somebody travels,

…..there always
seems to be a
blind spot for
one’s own backyard.

Because of my
years travelling,dude

I find it relatively easy
to relate to people
from all over the world–

But,
I still find that
even some parts
of my own country
and culture are a
complete enigma to me.

Take cowboys,
for instance.

Despite having been to:

San Antonio,
(where they make the salsa)a1

Dallas, 
(where it’s hard to find a
decent steak for some reason)

Tulsa,
(where they got Big Drillers
with little pet penguins)

Billings,
(it really is some Big Sky, man)

and yes,
CheyenneRayWalters
(I once went out with the girl
they named that place after) —

I’m not even mentioning Butte.

( that’s another place
they named after
that same girl,
I think.. )

I did like them
places pretty well,
and all,1

Despite the fact
that they wouldn’t let me
into John Wayne’s secret vaults
in the basement of the Alamo.

( Just ask Pee-Wee about that
if you don’t believe me. )

But somehow,

I had gotten myself
into a mind-set2
that the real life
version of cowboys were only:

either individual eccentric anomalies,

characters out of fiction or movies,

or a thing of the past.

Hmmmph.1942

But—

Having just recently returned
from 4 days in the heart
of cowboy country, though,

I now know better,
of course,

…. and that it ain’t true t’all.

I understand that having
made that kinda mistake,

will lead some folks to think
that I’m just another
big dumb Easterner.acactus

But I’m not.

I’m a big dumb Southerner,
— thank you.

There’s actually a huge swath of this land,

especially west of the Mississippi River—

that is inhabited by peopleasaddle
who identify themselves
with the cowboy lifestyle,

and I apologize that I
ever thought different.

All them ten-gallon hat jokes
being some kind of
compensation mechanism
that I’ve been makin’ all these years,

— I hereby withdraw,
retract, and utterly disavow.

That joke about
why women married
to cowboys never blink cowboy
during foreplay —

( You know, because there isn’t time. )

Not for a moment,
will that ever pass my lips.

And that one about
why cow girls walk bowlegged —

( because cowboys like to eat with their hats on. )

I promise I will never
tell that gem again.a1

Never.

On no account,

will I ever again refer
to cowboy romance as:
“stable relationships“.

And until pigs fly,

I will forever forgo making
a connection between
bushy, brown mustaches and the song:

Looking For Love
In All The Wrong Places”.

Those are the kinda things
that causes folks to have the
wrong ideas about cowboys,a1

….. and I’m just not havin’ it.

Mainly,

because they were so
darn tootin’ nice to me out there.

Somebody even gifted me a brand new Stetson….

a2Although,

Wearing it makes me look as out of place as
Moe from “The Three Stooges”

—on the nude version
of “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”.

(Sure,
it might just be the haircut,
who knows. )

Anyhoo —

In order to make amends,

I thought today that I would post
a couple of what a friend of mine
from Oklahoma calls ‘Cowboy Wisdom’ —1912

And what I thought,

–being the contrary bastard that I am,

I would call ‘Cowpoke Catchphrases’.

Not much difference, right?

Well,

as she would say:

” Don’t worry about
biting off more than you can chew,
……because your mouth
is probably a whole lot bigger
than you’d think. “

horseBoy, she does know me pretty well,
I guess.

Ahem.

Sally had initially emailed me
about a post I did years ago
about:
‘Wicked Dangerous Sports’

— and gave me some
very funny Western Words of Wisdom:

“The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.”

Mmmmmm…

………………………. nurses.zoemozert

Ummm…
uh oh.

I can feel myself getting distracted.

Ahem.

I love the humor
and the practical approach
to life these aphorisms reflect.

There’s also a uniquely
American aspect to this kinda wisdom, too.

I dunno where these have been
when I really needed them, though.

Here’s one I like a lot:goggles

If you happen to find yourself in a ditch,
the first thing to do is stop digging.

I think I could use that
adage a lot as I’m writing my posts.

And, after having a couple conversations with her,

I think I’ve come to realize
the truth of another one of her sayings:

” There are two lines of thought
about how to successfully argue with a woman-
………… and neither of them works worth a damn. “

Hey, these cowpunchers really ARE smart.

They’re sorta like Sages of the Sagebrush.

HOY !!!!

drugstore

Hot As Dutch Love

Image result for phrases vintage postcard Hiya —

It’s your favorite
Muscleheaded knucklehead
here with another one
of those posts about
popular expressions —

I can’t help myself–
when I heardutchsame
somebody use
an off-beat expression
like:
“Hot As Dutch Love”,
I gotta have to wonder
just where the idea for
the idiom came
from in the first place.

Having been to the
beautiful Netherlands
myself,
it’s not like I doubt
for a single Dutch minute
that the Dutch
are warm, lovely,
passionate people —

dutchheafen(And no, I’m not
referring to the folks
down on ‘De Walletjes’,
either. )

They have a very
long history
of sensual art,
and even a famous
pin-up artist —
— Helmert R. Miller.dutchk

They’ve got a couple
pretty good beer
brands, too.

I just wondered
— s’all.

Well, it turns out that
the phrase originated
in the late 1890’s–

The Dutch have always
been a freedom loving people
— free thinking —
and always willing to
put that extra oooomph
in whatever they do —

dutchkiAnd it slowly became
a custom with American
and English writers
of the period to use
the word “Dutch” as a prefix
to indicate something
that was “amped up“–
like some idiots today
use the suffix expression
so and so ” on steroids1950

— of course,
the people who use
THAT expression wouldn’t
know an anabolic steroid
from a bag of Fritos,

— and it’s the same for
folks using the Dutch
thing to a large part–

They didn’t know
anybody that was Dutch,

and didn’t know
anything about it at all,

other than some
vague reference
they mighta heard aboutdutchonce
their passionate natures….

There’s a whole population
of people in the United States
to this day who are referred
to as the “Pennsylvania Dutch”,
and they’re no more Dutch
than Dutch Schultz.

(Of German descent,dut
— in both cases.)

When you add that
to the names
of the towns in the
“Pennsylvania Dutch”
areas, like:

Intercourse,
Bird in Hand,
Paradise,chelis
Fertility,
Puddintown,
Maiden Creek,
Virginville,
Eden,
and Blue Ball–

—-  you might get
a singularly sexy
impression
of a “Dutch” culture
that’s reallyshofly
not all that
overtly sexy at all.

And in the case
of the Amish,
not overtly anything.

Unless you like “Shoo Fly” Pie.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

helmertrmiller