The Express Elevator To Nowhere

Folks don’t understand
sometimes just how
difficult it is being
one of WordPress’s
least loved blogs.

Hey,
it takes a
huge
non-commitment
of wasted time
and
useless resources
to bring you this
modicum of
mediocrity,
such as it is.

I won’t kid you
and tell you that
other interests
and distractions
don’t often
interfere with
getting this
whole mess of
a Muscleheaded
Blog put together
and posted on time
every day.

Lots of stuff
on
the proverbial plate.

Especially
for such
an unfashionably
obstreperous guy
like me with such
a short attention span.

As constructive
an activity
as it might seem
to be….winona

….. searching the
internet for stray
Winona Ryder
in-the-bathtub pictures
(that I haven’t
already seen)
can sure consume an
awful amount of a
man’s free time.

( Ok,
there’s one for you……..

Jeez–
next time,
do your owna1
‘research’, pal. )

Ahem.

Getting back to
the subject
at hand for just a mo….

( since she won’t
move hers… )

It ain’t easy being
such an unknown and unappreciated Jean-Yuss
of the fabulous world of
blogging.

After all,
it would be virtually
impossible to writea3
all those crummy posts
about what happened
to me at the gym today,

…..if I didn’t actually
darken the door of the
place once in a while.

( Of course, you don’t
need to live there like
I do, I guess… )

Ah well…
You gotta
write from
experience,
Hemingway.

And all the
expensive
trappings of
this blog,
— you think
these fancy
frills like words
comes cheap?

I woulda retired
years ago,
if it weren’t for my
punctuation bill, alone—

……… that,
and the fact that
I like to eat
once
in a while.

Free time’s
hard to come by,
…………. and so are topics
I feel like writing about.

As I get older,a121
it seems like it gets
harder and harder
to find the energy to
do stuff that I ain’t
enthusiastic about.

And you can just
ask my boss about it,
— if you don’t believe me.

Years ago,
he’d say ‘ travel ‘,
I’d say “where’s my passport?” .

Now, he says ‘ travel ‘,
I tell him that
just calling somebody
on the phone 
anywhere
west of the Mississippi
wears me out,slip

………… and anyway,
my parka and muk’luks
are at the cleaners.

Several longtime
readers and friends
like to exchange ideas
about blog topics with me,

and they’re usually full of wonderful concepts
that would make engaging and entertaining posts.

Which is terrific.
…… only, we are talking
about THIS blog.

Engaging
and entertaining?

Oh, posh.pool

So anyhoo…..

I decided to follow
this weird line
of thought about
why stuff interests me.

I just hope I don’t
say something stupid.

Uhhh…. yeah.

Women, for instance.

I’d love to blog about women
every cotton-picking day.

I like em.

All shapes,
sizes,
ages,
and types.

As a group,
they’re interesting,
beautiful,sallyfield
funny,
sexy,
fun to look at,

and a whole lot
more joy to be
around, than guys —

………. especially the guys that constitute 99%
of the people I’m
around at the gym,
or at work.

(Yes, that’s Sally)

But I can’t blog
about
women every day,

because,
although it would
never get monotonous
for ME,

….. it might not be
all that readable day
in and day out for
my group of
hardcore readersaedit

(like my Mom and
those few others),

possessing obviously
discriminating taste
in blogs,

but who would probably
not appreciate
being mentioned by name,
I’m sure.

Well, lessee….

Music is always
fun to post about….

Originally,
I had it in mind
to post another oneborntoadd
about the Best Rock
and Roll Album Covers…..

(boy, are you
already sick of
album covers,
huh? )

I got to thinking
about ones I liked
that I hadn’t previously
mentioned…

And then,

I ran into this one.

It completely messed
up my train of thought.

I was suddenly on the
express elevator
to a raving post about
nothing and nowhere.

‘Cause, as great
an album cover
Bruce Springsteen’s
Born To Run” was,

Without question,
this cover is better.

And that’s how stuff works.

You think you got your mind
sharpened to a razor’s edge….

Your concentration
is rock steady —

You’re feeling passionately
committed to saying
what you wanna say.

…… you start toduck
write fervently–
feverously, even.

And then, something
comes along
and knocks your GBS
( global blogging system )
off line.

Suddenly, the post has gone
completely off course.

It almost seems
like some kinda conspiracy–

yeah
— a conspiracy….

to get me so addled that
I won’t be able to do
anything but blow
little bubbles of spittle—

—while babbling about
ancient watermelon-worship cults

and fun places to eat when you
happen to be visiting
French Lick, Indiana.

Boy,
that reminds
me of something.

Talk about Freudian slips.

.

freud

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Re: The Health Benefits of Touching

So,
judging from the
title of this here post,

you might be thinking
that your Ole Uncle Nuts
might be feeling a bit
sensually deprived and
detached,

… confused by the
whole lack of tactility
involved in all things digital.germless

Hmmm….

Ordinarily, I’d say that
you might have
something there.

But this time, well,

Ya see….
I was getting ready to
write my daily post,

…. which I was going to entitle the:
“The Health Benefits of Touching“.

And this song came on Spotify: touchmedoors

Come on,
come on,
come on,
come on —

Now touch me, baby
Can’t you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won’t you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?
Now, I’m gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I’m gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby

( Lyrics from ”Touch Me
by the Doors:
Written by Robby Krieger. )

Ok… so you know the song.

And, as I started to write,

I got sidetracked mulling
over just how ironic it is for
me to be using the above
song lyrics- “Touch Me”
by the Doors Robby Krieger —

— to open a post about
the “health benefits of touching”—–

Considering the original title
of the song wasn’t ” Touch Me “,
at all —
— but ” Hit Me “. dont

I kid you not.

Robbie Krieger was constantly having fights with his girlfriend,

…. and wrote the song during one of their more passionate disputations.

She apparently was quite a bantamweight.

Once Jim Morrison heard the song’s rough cut,

….. he decided he didn’t like the theme,

and thought something a bit
more in tune with the whole
‘love generation’ thing would be better.

A peace sign does kinda loses
it’s meaning when you’re
hitting somebody with it.

donttouchWell, anyway, it’s a long story,

and entirely off topic from what I wanted to post about,

…….. which is the “health benefits of touching”.

It’s funny how different an original concept can be from the finished product, isn’t it?

—a work can be so changed during the process of it’s creation and production as to alter the impression and meaning of a work completely.

I always say, when it happens to me,
….. that it’s a function of my short attention span….

aaaI’ll start working on a project,

…… say, the “health benefits of touching”,

and thinking,

Hey, it’ll be a pretty straight forward deal.

But, I think the process of editing
and refining a work often brings
out ideas and concepts that ,

…. although originally not even
intended as a part of it, end up
taking charge of the piece.

Not that it has anything really
to do with the “health benefits of touching“.

touchI think you know what I mean…..

Maybe you’re just not into your subject all that much–

Maybe something entirely different is screaming to get writ —

and all you keep doing,

… is try to write a stupid post
on the “health benefits of touching“.

Boy, howdy — that always seems to happen to people.

Not to me, of course.air

If I set down ready to write about something, no matter how mundane or sublime the subject might be —

Whether the post is a simple humor piece, a lifestyle article on the “health benefits of touching” ,
or a complicated review of high tech gear,

— I’m as focused as a Phalanx CIWS
Radar Guided Laser, man.

Whatever the fuck that is.

Ok..
so maybe I do get distracted from time to time.

hugzIn the process of writing,

yer mind wanders,

sense memory and visual cues kick in,

word play sparks different connotations……

the next thing you know,
….. you went from soufflé to scrambled eggs.

I was the member of a garage band once like that.

Not that it has anything to do with the “health benefits of touching“, either .

We had brought in this guy to play bass on a song we couldn’t get right,

….. and the band ended up being named after him, fer chrissakes.

I’m not saying it’s always a good thing, mind you.

After all, I bet you never heard
of the Gerard Remilard Band, right ?

goofusOf course not.

And I’m not implying that it was the name of the band that was responsible for our utter lack of success….

It definitely had some small relationship to the fact that none of us had any musical talent to speak of.

But, still.

You gotta be careful.

Editing can change everything, man.

Now,
….  about the Health Benefits of Touching ….

a1