The Daily Retro: Old Fashioned

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Cut That Out

widowI stopped into my friendly,
neighborhood used-book store
the other day …

It’s not really like
I have any spare
storage room
for any more books,

— but I figure just
how much more
precious space can a
hardbound 3 volume
set of Thucydides’
History of the Peloponnesian Wars
(with full index and
translator’s commentary)beatles

really take up, anyway?

Oh well….

I guess I can put them in
my motorcycle saddlebags
along with my paperback copy of:

Zen and the Art
of Motorcycle Maintenance
“.

The guy that works in that
second hand book store
always puts cut-out books
aside for me he thinks that
I will like/buy —nukefun

Sure,
I’m a dog lover,

always mighty proud to say it,
….. mighty proud to say it.

Still, it seems to me that
weaving dog hair into baby booties
wouldn’t be the most
efficient use of my already
very limited free time.

And as far as
raw materials is concerned,
if I’m that desperatekint,
I can just start pulling
out chest hairs,
for crying out loud.

Damn things are starting
to come in gray, anyway.

I just hope whoever buys this book:

Knitting With Dog Hair
don’t have any issues with allergies,
what with picking all the dog hairs
out of the vacuum cleaner bag,
and all.

Gazundheit. dollardate

.

And,
just because you want
a deal on books
doesn’t mean you’d
want a book like this one:

Dating For Under A Dollar ” .

I dunno what kinda cheapskate
would take a girl on a dollar date,
( a dollar ??? )

… but if it was my daughter
he was treating that way,whatsittya
I’d have some serious
questions for him….

Like,
just how long do you
want to keep on living?

While it goes without saying
that hanging around
the house playing video games
and watching television
doesn’t cost anything –
songbook
———- since when
does that constitute a date ?

And who needs a book
to think of that one?

I like the ‘review quote’
on the top of the cover —
” Dating will never
be the same again “

– Brad Wilcox.

Alright —
mindoverboobs
I give up —
Who The Fuck is Brad Wilcox,
and why would I take
HIS word for it ???????

Somehow,
I think not.

Definitely not a charter
member of the ‘fun bunch’, I’d say.

.

Anyhoo…

I did see some very
weird titles in there,

and frankly,
I’m wondering how/why a couple
of these books even exist–dis

I mean,
what kind of target audience
would this one have–

“How To DISSAPPEAR
DISSAPPEAR DISS….”
(oh well, you can see
the damn thing for yourself)

If the author can’t even SPELL —

— and the publisher can’t even
proof-read a book cover ?

Besides,
completely disappearing seems
like a relatively simpleboners
thing to do, really…..

Just get in line
at your local DMV office,
….. and you’ll see
exactly what I mean.

.

I dunno who financed
some of these duds–

I can’t imagine how anyone
would think they’d make
a profit on printing them…poo

But somehow, I’ll bet
some of the authors
of this lame literature
made a fortune on
speaking engagements.

Can you imagine paying for
a ticket to see a two-hour
lecture on the exciting things
that happened to Taro Gomi
while he was writing
“Everybody Poops” ?

Boggles the mind– wrong

But, that’s the kinda
world this is, man.

And there did seem to be
an overabundance of bad titles
in the ‘self-help/advice’
section particularly.

Why is that?

Maybe it’s a modern version of the old rule :
Those who can – do .
Those who can’t –
write a self help book.

Sorry, to tell you, though–cool

If being ‘cool’ is something
that comes out of a book,

— it ain’t gonna be this one:
“Anybody Can Be Cool,
But Awesome Take Practice
“.

Nope.

Or this blog,
for that matter —

— cause the one thing I got
in common with that author,
is that I haven’t got a clue, either.

Later Gator.

HOY !!!

bettypage

Putting The Sexy In Your Stocking

cryingI know it’s been a while
since we had one of our
well-vaunted blog disclaimers,
and since it’s the season
for our annual
Uber-Sexy Christmas post,
there’s no time like
the present, right ?

No, that’s not a bad pun,
although I guess it could be.caroling-jennifer

I’ve been saving up all sorts
of cool Christmas-themed
stuff for this thing–
— but you know,
business before pleasure,
so —-

Disclaimer:
The Muscleheaded Blog is oriented
toward disoriented but full grown adults
who enjoy sarcastic, snarky humor,
semi-literate social commentary,
and mildly ribald, salacious pictures
aimed at the more prurient a1
nature of our readers….

Sometimes,
there might be pictures of naughty bits
making contact with each other
— although,
of course, this is all in fun,
and no actual naughty bits
were injured during the production of same.

I dunno about you,
but all that naughty bit contact
gets my hormones moving,ginger

which is never a bad thing,
— as long as you’re
standing far enough away —
and fully clothed,
when it happens.

Otherwise,
all bets are off.

Like that Saudi in England
whose
rape defense to a British courtanimated-christmas-humor-image-0012
was that he just tripped
and fell on the teenaged girl 

and happened to hit the mark– repeatedly.

Oooops–
sorry about all the DNA.

Millionaire,
you say?

Oh, then,
innocent,a2
so say we all.

Next.

Somebody what kinda seemingly
dumb-shit jury bought THAT claptrap?

Well,
it’s nice to know that seemingly stupid verdicts
aren’t just a feature of OUR court system, anyway.

Ahem.

Anyhoo..
— back to our disclaimer.

Truthfully,
I don’t think1931
there’s ever been any real pornography
on the MH Blog,
despite my affection for the whole genre.

But, as I say,
this is a disclaimer,
and like all disclaimers is written for
the benefit of that 1/10 of 1 percent
who seem to take offenseandrews
at anything and everything
that comes down the line.

How a disclaimer solves that issue,
well, I’m not totally clear about all that,
but since they do it on TV commercials and stuff,

I figure it must have some secret mojo,
— that keeps all the blue noses,
and the litigious types at bay.

Either that,
or it’s just a cheap way to fill up space,
and provide an easy way of introducing a post,
that isn’t all that great in either concept or form.

Not, of course,
in THIS case,bettie
since the Muscleheaded Blog
is always written to the highest
journalistic —
(or blogalistic)
standards.

Ok–
I know
it ain’t journalism,
in any stretch of
the imagination,

And, as if
the term ‘journalistic standards’
wasn’t some kind of oxymoron,waiting
these days, anyway.

Digress?

Oh, sure.
That’s easy for you to say.

I mean,
here I am,
putting my heart out
on a plate for folks,

…… and all they wanna do
is want me to be literal.

Or,
for mese
to at least stick to the point.

And I mean,
what is the point, anyway?

You might as well take a mallet,
and beat a dead mallard with it.

Whatever the hell
that’s supposed to mean.

I guess whatloading
I’m trying to say is that if one is tha…

………..

EDITORS NOTE:
We interrupt this fine program
to advise you
that for the sake of brevity and our readers’ sanity,
we’ve …
well, ummm…
interrupted this fine program.

He’s gotten himself1920s
all carried away again,
and had to be..
…… carried off again.

Mucho Gracias
to some of our wonderful readers,
and their blogs —
who were nice enough
to have submitted pics or other material
which inspired or appeared
on this year’s edition
of our Uber-Sexy Christmas post, wtf
including:

Mrs. Fever
KTZ2
GP COX
Blog It or Lose It
Doesitevenmatter3
Julespaige

— just so’s
you know who to blame.

HOY !!!!

.

elvira