Friday Mail Merriment

myrnaWhen you
do a main write
6 days a week,
like we do
here at the
world non-famous
Muscleheaded Blog,

– some days there’s
just no other way
of answering the
posting exigency   —popcornrobot

One just
paddles out
into that
raging stream
of consciousness,

— dragging some
cool chaff out of
that undiscovered
country otherwise
known as the
digital mail-bag ……

related or unrelated,elbows40

to take with you and
hoping all the while
that the damn thing
comes together
cohesively somehow…

… sorta like
Mom’s Brunswick stew,

and hopefully not like
Mom’s world-famous
mixed-leftovers casserole.

Sorry, Mom.3
and all Irish cooks
everywhere.

Hey,
it’s not like
I grew up hungry.

One look at me,
and you can tell
I never missed a meal.

Flavor deprived,
maybe –
– but never hungry.

Still,
where Bobby Flay
was poolwhen Mom was
learning to cook,
well…
who knows the answer
to that one.

She had a few dishes
she could knock
out of the park,
and the rest were…
— at best,
filler.ballyhoo2

Now, you might just be
thinking that I’m using
my Mother’s cooking
as a scapegoat for my
utter lack of creativity
in coming up with a
topic for today’s post….

— and while
I patently deny
such an allegation,
it’s true that I am kinda
scraping the proverbial
bottom of the scorched
Pyrex….

Oh well, dance
Mom stopped reading
my blog after I made
those snarky remarks
about my Aunt Mary’s
penchant for sexy
stockings a couple
months back,

although
I’m still
sure that the
belated-ness of my
birthday present from
her is completely
unrelated, and simply
a matter of postal
service technicalities
of some sort or other…

— and will hopefully
be rectified without
the force majeure
requiring retraction
and/or apology.

Damn it,
I gave her
my list in January……

so I’m not
really sure
why she couldn’t
have sent it a higuyz
little farther
ahead.

Maybe
I shouldn’t
have said
‘no home-cooked items’,
I dunno.

.

!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!

.

edrunci

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Let’s Have A Py-Jama Party

Hiya.

Sorry to sound chipper
about it, but another
summer has come
and it has gone,
and I’m actually looking
forward to autumn,
which is my favorite
time of year.

I get very retrospective
and contemplative
every fall,
for some reason,
and I think you’ll
probably think
thatpajama I’ve lost my mind
for wondering about
some of the stuff that
I do, but …

Today’s post is about that
great unresolved mystery
in every young boy’s life —

— the question of what really
goes/went on in those
girl-type pajama parties,
like my cousins used to have.

Don’t give me all that
innocence and
sunflowers fluff-

They couldn’t possibly
have been as staid and
boring as that and still
have been so popular.

I know there has to be
some deep dark secret

and I’m determined to
get to the bottom of it.

That’s just the
kinda guy I am.

Secret rituals,
enigmatic costumes,
blood sacrifices —
hey, who knows?

But nobody’s talking.

At least, they’re not giving
me the hot skinny, and
of that, I’m pretty sure.

Far be it for me to suspect that anything Annette was involved in
could be suspect, but why the shorty night-gown?

Hmmm…
well…
since I don’t have
much to go on,
I guess what I really need
to do is to investigate
what girls who participated
claimed to have went on,
and figure out if it’s possible
to entertain yourself for
10 or 12 hours that way.

Cause it don’t seem
right to me, somehow…

All those girls in one place,
without an ounce of
testosterone to add some…
well….
let’s say,
spice to the party.

If nothing else,
it kinda pisses me off.

Us guys have to good
for something, right ??
RIGHT?

Damn right.

I did hear bad stories
about boys who had
tried to eavesdrop
over the years and
crash the proverbial
(ok, so it’s
not so proverbial)
party —
and it weren’t
purty, either –
I can tell you that.

That makeup stuff takes
forever to get off ya,
apparently.

And if the other guys
saw what they ended
up wearing —

— you’d never be
able to show up
for football
practice again.

Except maybe as
a cheerleader.

Well, figure you
already got
the pom-poms
anyway…..

…….. errrrr.
wait.

This write is already getting
outta hand a bit, and I’m
no closer to the keys to
this very curious conundrum.

And they’re already
bringing out the
Vaudeville hook.

Damn…
that happens to
me all the time.

!!! HOY !!!

It’s Not About Nipples

isthislegalIt’s amazing —

It’s stupendous —

It’s beyond your
wildest dreams
of what blogging entertainment
can truly be —

You’ll be thrilled,

you’ll be enthralled,

——- you’ll yell
for your money back.

It’s “Journey To The marilyn
Center Of The Mailbag” —

Coming to a
Muscleheaded Blog
near you.

Oh, actually,

it’s already here.

You still got time to grab
some popcorn
and a soda, though.

The snack bar is always open.suspenders

Grab me some Goobers
while you’re over there.

Alrighty —

Everybody comfy ?

My dear readers are
probably the most interesting
people in the world….

And I say that,

not only to kiss your ass,

but also
because it’s true —

Without your flirtation
submissions and comments,

this blog would spin
more outta control
than my head and neck
at Big-Nipple-Con 2017.

Oh,
I’d probably gonna
need a chiropractor
after that.

I dunno what it is
with us guys,
and nipples….

We’re just born haimltoncox
to it, I guess.

But,

our mailbag today
doesn’t really
feature any big nipples,
not real ones anyway.

Sorry.

At least,

I don’t think so…

Lemme feel aroundbuxom
a bit more…

No.

Such a disappointment.

Oh well..

As I was saying
before the whole:

‘nipple bugaboo’,

‘stuff to talk to
my therapist about’

‘thing burst out
of my subconscious
like an exploding
milk carton…. ‘

So,

No nipples.

None.

Hey, a guy’s gotta
exercise some self
control sometimes.

And
listen,
I would very much
appreciate it if you
stopped bringing
them up …..

…. all y’all ever
wanna talk about is
nipples this,
and nipples that.

Oh wait.

That’s me.

Well…

 

Hey,
what’s wrong
with that, anyway?

I mean,
just because
I’m interested
in the subject,
doesn’t mean I’m
totally obsessed by it,
ya know.

I can quit
anytime I want.

Ok–lookie
come on, now, man….

Just do what you
always do
when you’re trying
to get your mind
off something….

Think about baseball.

Yeah…
scoring,
third base,doubleheader
double headers…..

………. that kinda thing.

See how easy that was?

I haven’t thought about nipples in a couple
of nano seconds.

Interesting subject, brief
though.

Did you know that
there are
12 different slang
terms for nipples
that have been used
in popular literature?

lidSure —

there’s :

Blinkers,
Goobers,
Knobs,
Rivets,
Nozzles,
Dumplings,
Nibbles,
Headlights,
Nubbins,
Thermostats,
Ring Dings,
Chi-chi’s,
Bumps,
Nertz,
Dimes,
Pins,
Hi-Ya’s,
Daggers,
Circuit Breakers,
Swellers,
Bullets,
Buttons,
Bingos,
Pimentos,
Raisins,
Throbbers,
Pointers,enjoy
Brailles,
Frails,
Ornaments,
High Beams….

Hmmm….

……….. maybe….
just maybe,
there’s more
than 12.

arthurdepins

Putting The Sexy In Your Stocking

cryingI know it’s been a while
since we had one of our
well-vaunted blog disclaimers,
and since it’s the season
for our annual
Uber-Sexy Christmas post,
there’s no time like
the present, right ?

No, that’s not a bad pun,
although I guess it could be.caroling-jennifer

I’ve been saving up all sorts
of cool Christmas-themed
stuff for this thing–
— but you know,
business before pleasure,
so —-

Disclaimer:
The Muscleheaded Blog is oriented
toward disoriented but full grown adults
who enjoy sarcastic, snarky humor,
semi-literate social commentary,
and mildly ribald, salacious pictures
aimed at the more prurient a1
nature of our readers….

Sometimes,
there might be pictures of naughty bits
making contact with each other
— although,
of course, this is all in fun,
and no actual naughty bits
were injured during the production of same.

I dunno about you,
but all that naughty bit contact
gets my hormones moving,ginger

which is never a bad thing,
— as long as you’re
standing far enough away —
and fully clothed,
when it happens.

Otherwise,
all bets are off.

Like that Saudi in England
whose
rape defense to a British courtanimated-christmas-humor-image-0012
was that he just tripped
and fell on the teenaged girl 

and happened to hit the mark– repeatedly.

Oooops–
sorry about all the DNA.

Millionaire,
you say?

Oh, then,
innocent,a2
so say we all.

Next.

Somebody what kinda seemingly
dumb-shit jury bought THAT claptrap?

Well,
it’s nice to know that seemingly stupid verdicts
aren’t just a feature of OUR court system, anyway.

Ahem.

Anyhoo..
— back to our disclaimer.

Truthfully,
I don’t think1931
there’s ever been any real pornography
on the MH Blog,
despite my affection for the whole genre.

But, as I say,
this is a disclaimer,
and like all disclaimers is written for
the benefit of that 1/10 of 1 percent
who seem to take offenseandrews
at anything and everything
that comes down the line.

How a disclaimer solves that issue,
well, I’m not totally clear about all that,
but since they do it on TV commercials and stuff,

I figure it must have some secret mojo,
— that keeps all the blue noses,
and the litigious types at bay.

Either that,
or it’s just a cheap way to fill up space,
and provide an easy way of introducing a post,
that isn’t all that great in either concept or form.

Not, of course,
in THIS case,bettie
since the Muscleheaded Blog
is always written to the highest
journalistic —
(or blogalistic)
standards.

Ok–
I know
it ain’t journalism,
in any stretch of
the imagination,

And, as if
the term ‘journalistic standards’
wasn’t some kind of oxymoron,waiting
these days, anyway.

Digress?

Oh, sure.
That’s easy for you to say.

I mean,
here I am,
putting my heart out
on a plate for folks,

…… and all they wanna do
is want me to be literal.

Or,
for mese
to at least stick to the point.

And I mean,
what is the point, anyway?

You might as well take a mallet,
and beat a dead mallard with it.

Whatever the hell
that’s supposed to mean.

I guess whatloading
I’m trying to say is that if one is tha…

………..

EDITORS NOTE:
We interrupt this fine program
to advise you
that for the sake of brevity and our readers’ sanity,
we’ve …
well, ummm…
interrupted this fine program.

He’s gotten himself1920s
all carried away again,
and had to be..
…… carried off again.

Mucho Gracias
to some of our wonderful readers,
and their blogs —
who were nice enough
to have submitted pics or other material
which inspired or appeared
on this year’s edition
of our Uber-Sexy Christmas post, wtf
including:

Mrs. Fever
KTZ2
GP COX
Blog It or Lose It
Doesitevenmatter3
Julespaige

— just so’s
you know who to blame.

HOY !!!!

.

elvira

Riding On The Time Machine

a2My buddy Alec and I were discussing time travel in the gym today.

Now, you might think that perhaps that’s an odd subject for gym rats to be discussing,

— and ordinarily, I guess I’d have to agree with you.

But, he brought me in a couple of vintage postcards for my collection…

And as we looked at them,

I started pontificating from atop my ‘how-fuckin’-cool-would-it-be’ soapbox about…1904

well, you know….

…….. about ‘how-fuckin’-cool-would-it-be’ to have a time machine.

There’d be just so much to see —

I’d never tire of turning up somewhere in the past–

There’s 3 or 4 things on my must see-or-do list, ya know…..

bluesuit1:

Wearing my custom-made blue spandex time-traveler jumpsuit,

( No, of course I don’t have one yet,
I have to have one custom-made first,
and there’s no sense doing that until AFTER I get my time machine,
which will certainly cut down on the time I actually have to wait for it,
’cause I can just order it now,
…. and then time-jump to next week to pick it up.

See how that works, Einstein ?
Some guys… duhh. )

2:
Checking out the scenery,colliers

( Upsetting the natives is a possibility,
of course,
since it’s not everyday that some time-travelling Musclehead from either the past or the future turns up and tries to pick up all your hot chicks,

but I’ll bring my trusty Z-21 model 4 Granzinto Particle Putrifier Gun …

— which, come to think of it,
wasn’t invented until the year 2172…,
so I guess I’ll have to make THAT my first trip. )

jetta… And —

just conversing with the natives —

saying all-knowing,
ultra-modern stuff like:

Hi, I’m from the future
Can I park my time-machine here? “
and
Maybe you shouldn’t DO THAT ” .

Jeez–
the potential’s unlimited, man.

I can hardly not wait.

I might even roll back to 1967 Haight-Ashbury,finger

— and catch a glimpse of a very sexy Grace Slick in her underwear.

Uh… maybe not.

It’s just as well.

She STILL won’t return my phone calls.

What a bummer, man.

Ahem.

All I was sayin’ was you could observe things as they really were —

Instead of the way we’ve only heard or read about how they were.

Cause I don’t believe anything I hear, and only about 10% of what I read,

so I’m pretty dern carnfused about it all.

flaA time machine would solve the problem, yep.

The physics of the whole Fermi Paradox/Novikov Self-Consistency Principle/Closed Timeline Limitation thing can be solved by some other guy on some other day….

Hey, maybe I’ll use my time machine to go find the guy.

Or is that putting the cart before the horse?

vibrating braAnd, one of the main advantages for going into the future,

is that you can bring back all kinds of ginchey technology that hasn’t been thought of, yet.

Can you just imagine?

The mind boggles.

Of course,
….. you’d have to be careful not to time-surf so far into the future,

as to end up at a time where the only things left, were:4th

Styrofoam,

CD’s of Bulgarian Pop Ballads,

and old reruns of the Merv Griffin Show.

If that wasn’t bad enough,

…. you might find yourself evaporated by something you inadvertently did while travelling somewhere in the past.

Awww hell,

why’s all the cool technology gotta be so damned complicated, anyway?

Anyhoo–

The point I was belaboring was,

I’ve got some cool vintage post-cards for y’all today,

— that might give us a bit of an interesting insight on times, places, and peeples long gone.

stepinIt’s funny how postcards like these can do that.

Best of all , they’re fun, colorful and inexpensive.

With no complicated theoreticals involved.

So, step in to my time machine,

and let’s see where we end up.

(Hey–
the flight attendants are hot, anyway.)

Fair warning, though:

The sequence of images on this post will make even less sense than usual..

But, I really don’t think you’ll have any trouble picking out the vintage ones.

For instance, the one on the top of the post that says ‘1904’ really was printed in 1904.

1914This one, with the caption ” Come On In, The Water’s Fine ” is from 1914.

The 4th of July Firecracker postcard is from 1905,

…. and the Florida Welcome Station from 1962.

Really cool, huh?

I still want a REAL damn time machine, though.

Just sayin’.

HOY!

.

( the bottom image was created by Earle Bergey in 1940 for a pulp sci-fi magazine)

earlebergey