Friday Mailbag

It’s weird….

Here we are
October already,
and I’ve barely
gotten a tan yet.

I guess
I’m gonna
have to break
out my old
trusty , dusty
sun lamp –

otherwise,
I’ll be as
pale as under-done
buttermilk biscuits
by December.

I’m actually a big
fan of autumn,
but I have to get
my head around it
and these damned
Christmas TV
commercials
aren’t helping.

I noticed the first
one way back in
the beginning of
September ……

Now, I know I
piss and moan
about it every year,
but doesn’t it seem
like a third of a year
to get ready for Xmas
is just a little
ridiculous ?

Oh, I know….
It’s just me.

Fine.

Maybe if I didn’t
get coal in my
stocking,
so carefully
hung by the
fireplace
every year,
that might make
a difference,
I dunno.

And that
TV commercial
I mentioned
that ran
back in
September ….

It was for
a plastic
tree.

Yes, sir…
nothing’ll put ya
in the mood for
Christmas like the
piquant aroma of
polyvinylchloride.

Nuts.

The truth is that
I wouldn’t
mind celebrating
the holiday
if it got half
as sexy as the
cards on today’s
post….

So,
anyway…..
I figured
I’d surrender
to the whole
4 months
of Christmas thing
and bring you
these cards that
really do Christmas
Muscleheaded style.

.

!!! Enjoy !!!

.

The Ins and Outres

If you know
anything about
this here Muscleheaded
Blog, you know that I love
to mind-meld with my
friends here on WP and
swap (swipe) their ideas.

Of course,
after we’re
done with it around
here, they may not
even recognize their
idea anymore.

So we always
make a point
of crediting
( embarrassing )
them with a little
recognition for what,
before we got a holt
of it, anyway, was a
perfectly sane and
creative idea.

Jules
this one
is all
your fault.

Ahem.

Today, we look at
the many levels of
what makes us
laugh —

– from a secretive and
subtle tee-hee much
favored among the shy
inhibited type –
( inhibitions are like
putting cheez-whiz
on a steak  )

– to a mild titter –
(who could
argue with
a little titter
once in a while )

– and the semi-muffled
guffaw –
( some misunderstandings
might occur, depending
on the source of the
aforesaid muffling )

– through the unabashed
cackle –
( I knew a girl once that
could cackle so loud it
could hard-boil an egg )

– all the way up to the
full belly laugh –
(which isn’t all that
good for your
digestion right after
meals, especially steak
nachos with cheez-whiz. )

Now, while you
might wonder
what all these
cheez-whiz references
have to do with our
subject today ,
and clearly,
none,
other than a memory
of recent nightmarish
visit to Pat’s Steaks
with a distant relative
during a road trip ……

…. why anyone would
do THAT to
an otherwise
(barely) acceptable
“steak-um” with
sauteed onions
and peppers
is beyond me.

Funny?

Well, try to visualize
a very large drunk
person eating a huge
steak sandwich while
dripping bright
orange colored 
artificial cheese
all over his new
official Eagles
football jersey and
you might acquire the
image that I’m stuck
with the rest of my
natural life.

I think that’s the
kind of humor they
call ‘ droll ‘ .

Still, there’s plenty
of other choices for
things to laugh at
if you’re not into
droll trolls drooling…..

I’m a fan of slapstick 
humor,

( A girl I used to know
named Donna used to
do a version of that
whenever she was mad
at me, but it didn’t seem
very funny to me …. )

as long as it
doesn’t involve
permanent damage to
the spinal column
or two months in a
penile splint .

Stuff shouldn’t be
forced to bend in
certain ways, so just
try to keep your
taqaandan practice
to a minimum.

I dunno if you’d call
that reference an
example of ‘jocular’
or ‘side-splitting’
humor……

Lost, yet ?

Ah well….
this blog is a good
example of another
kind of humor —

what my Aunt Sarah
used to call waggish

by which she meant
that nobody else ever
got my jokes, and that
I was simply amusing
myself.

She was so wise,
that lady, that I
wanted to marry her
when I was young…..
but she wouldn’t wear
that purple teddy
I bought her.

Alright —
that, there is called
outré humor….
and refers to jokes
that might shock folks
because they fall outside
normal propriety .

Yes, we really do like
that stuff around here.

Which points as straight
as an arrow to why we
chose the cards we did
to go along with our
little head trip today.

Enjoy.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Mary And Her Monkey

edAs I have been
heard to say
more than once…..

Our Edwardian
predecessors could
get downright weird.

Their postcards
show this
tendency very clearly.

Oh sure, I know — monk
it’s just harmless fun, sure.

Until somebody puts
an eye out or something.

Alright, so I don’t know
what I’m talking about.
monk2
That’s never stopped us
around here before.

The truth is that sometimes,
their humor has completely
lost it’s meaning to us
modern-day in-the-know folk,

monk3— and we really don’t know
what the hell they
were talking about.

I’d LOVE to say
I get the joke,
but a lot of references
just get very lost in
the fog of history
and changes in language.  4

So, even a seemingly
simple, dirty spin
on a nursery rhyme
requires a PhD in
cultural anthropology
to really be understood.

As far as the naughty
symbolism 5is concerned,
I’m thinking that we
we might have simply
switched animals over
the course of a century……

And I’m betting she woulda
had a lot more fun with
that monkey if she had
just gone ahead 6
and shaved it.

Just sayin’.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!!

Today’s Cover Story

Ok, yes
it’s been a
while since
we had some
blog-o-tastic
fun with vintage
song sheets…

(here’s a
previous
post on the
subject)

so,
maybe today
we’ll see what
fun stuff that
we have in the
archives that
hasn’t been
posted here yet.

It’s pretty much
a passe thing
today, but there
was quite a
large, profitable
market for
sheet music
and song sheets
in the early part
of the 20th century.

These days,
we have
recorded
music being
utilized just
about
everywhere….

But, back then,
notwithstanding
the very limited and
unsatisfying quality
of musical recordings
as they slowly became
available, most people,
well into the 1930’s,
preferred music that
was performed live –
in restaurants, bars,
cabarets, burlesques,
strip joints, band shells,
speakeasies, carnivals,
medicine shows, revivals,
yes, even at the movie
theatre.

A large percentage
of educated people
in the U.S. and Britain
played at least one
instrument at the time,
and that usually meant
folks had plenty of sheet
music to go with it.

Song sheets
proliferated
in every musical
genre, from John
Philip Sousa style
marches,
all the way up
and down the
scales –

— blues,
gospel,
classical pieces,
tangos,
folk songs,
and operettas,
to ragtime
jazz.

The large publishing
houses that printed
music in New York
City were collectively
called
” Tin Pan Alley “,
and you still
occasionally
hear that phrase
used today…..

but before the
rise of radio and
the phonograph,
it’s hard to imagine
just how essential
these early publishers
were to the period’s
culture and
entertainment.

I personally
especially
treasure the ones
that had an
interesting or
suggestive theme
or illustration on
the cover —

— or feature music
written for an
unusual instrument
like the ukelele or
the contra-bassoon.

But believe me,
suggestive covers
were effective in
selling more
sheet music
than the
potential
hit songs inside
them ever did. 

There was a lot
of very good
music being
written
and published,
of course –

– but there were
also a lot of songs
that wouldn’t
seem to have been
worth the price
of printing –
except for
the novelty
aspect of them.

And of course,
that’s what
got them
featured on
today’s
Muscleheaded Blog,
cause we love
a little novelty
around here.

!!! HOY !!!

.