In The Mood

There are
oh so many
tricky aspects of
keeping a rewarding
relationship going –

– as anyone who’s
ever tried doing it
will be so happy
to tell you.

I’ve never been one
to harp upon the
whole:
Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus

thing –

— because we all really
are from around these
parts somewhere ..

.. but, there’s a
lot of truth being
conveyed there
when we get around
to talking about the
intrinsic differences
between the two.

And, when it comes to
‘being in the mood‘,
the one thing you can’t
argue with is hormones.

While it may be,
at times, easier
to know when
your S.O. is a bit
lopsided on their
hormonal balance
than others —

— more often than not,
it’s a matter of guesswork
for a semi-aroused other
half.

Guess right,
and you win that
night’s prime
prize –

Guess wrong,
and you snatch
only the booby prize
(and not at all
in a good way ) :

– drilled by the dull finger
of rejection in the bottom
end of reverse motivation,
resulting in a healthy
heaping helping of
futility and depression.

And that monster don’t
exactly like to just
lollygag around.

But,
you’re not alone.

Your S.O. is probably
having those same
feelings, despite being
the bearer of the
nay-saying news …

– an imbalance
of endogenous
hormones doesn’t
really do any
body any good.

And as folks
get older,
this becomes
rather a
repetitive issue.

We here at the
Muscleheaded Blog
want to do our
smarty-pants best
help resolve the
problem.

Failing mind-reading,
I think most people
recognize that good
communication about
the whole thing is
essential.

So, our post today
features vintage
‘communication aids’ –

– you know,
ways to tell
your lover
when to turn
on either :
the strobe light
or the cold water.

And all I can really
say, is:

May the light
ever shine on you.

!!!! HOY !!!

.

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Manual Labor

varietyI hate to tell you this…..

But, some of you guys really missed the boat here, man.

Cause the application process for man-tester has now been filled.

So sorry.

Hmmm….

I guess I’d better refresh your memory.

Last year, I told y’all about a weird ‘job opportunity’ I came across in my ‘travels’ ,

I just figured that when I come across such a unique real world application of the words:

weird, free, funny and sorta-sexy,

…. that I had a responsibility,
as one of them there
weird, free, funny, sorta-sexy bloggers
…….. to let people know about it.

Was it also a bit onanistic and creepy?

Ummm…

Yeah, I guess that goes without saying.

But what I can say is that if you were truly interested,
…… you’d better put that thing away and keep moving.

When opportunity knocks, and all that.

There was this company in the U.K. that was running this ad:

octupuss

Yes, it was an ad for sex-toy testers.

It was for males, 18 and over only —

Apparently, these people,

( the same folks who brought the world such important scientific innovations like the “Hot Octopussy”, )

had invented a new gadget —
called a “Guybrator”, that they were looking to market.

And I thought I would give you the buzz on it. type

Umm.. wait.

Ok, seriously,

they really were looking for guys to test various items out,

….. and give them feedback.

Of course, you first had to make the cut —

— they said you have to own your own penis,
( I know plenty of guys who don’t )

need to be able to handle pressure,
………. and have good stamina.

That means, of course —
you’d be engaged in important, strenuous work —

No, you wouldn’t be:
meeting any interesting people,
or seeing interesting places,
or sleeping with interesting women,
or even performing a variety of interesting tasks ……

But you would be:

choking the chicken,
bashing the bishop,
slapping Mr. Fantastic,
stroking for lotion,
spanking the monkey …….

suziewonder1WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM: MISS SUZIE WONDER,
MUSCLEHEADED BLOG SCIENCE EDITOR:

Listen, I’m doing you lugs a big favor here by interrupting, ’cause the Musclehead is on one of his listing kicks again — so far he’s got about 72 different terms for whacking off, and he’s still typing — what I’ll do is edit out most of them, and leave 6 or 7– and he’ll never know the difference. After all, he doesn’t read this crappy blog, either. Hey, you’ll thank me later. But, if you insist on the full monty, email the big dumb bastard at carolinamuscle@outlook.com — I’m sure he’ll have over 100 by then.

BTW; stop doing that- you’ll go blind.

tossing off a wank,
janking the jerky,
milking Little Elvis,
flogging the log,
or pulling yer pudd
( there’s just one ‘d’ if it’s a grow-er instead of a show-er )

((( My friend Carolyn just sent me some more of these—
like:
joining the giblets
cock stuffing
playing hide the salami
riding the flagpole
hitting it raw
storming the castle
getting the bone
boinking
downloading your hardware )))

etc
etc
etc.
All with the help of a motorized plastic device.

Hoooooo Boy , where does one sign up, right?

Sorry — as I said, job filled.

Wait — you still want to know about the job benefits?

gumWell, they had no problem with you working at home….

……… actually, I’m pretty sure that they much preferred it.

They claimed to provide a “great package”,

…. and all the tissues you’ll need.

Ok, see…
I knew you wouldn’t believe me.

Check it out for yourself then, Mister Doubting Thomas.

Their site is at: http://www.hotoctopuss.com/handjob/

Yes, as I said, the job is now filled by some lucky individual.

But why not just email them and tell them how much they’re missing?

Hey,
all that O.J.T. you’ve been doing’s gotta count for somethin’, right?

HOY!

.

roofiedhimself