Oh, Not One Of Those

ridjidIt’s Christmas
morning,
and it’s that
yearly
time of
reckoning —

–to see
if you figured
out how to gift your
special someone
with that special
something .

And somethin’
tells me
that some lady
of you
fucked it
completely up –
– again.

Please,
please –
– tell me you didn’t
fall into the holiday
ad trap.

Advertisers have a
knack for presenting
their products
at Christmastimesuck
that would lead a
man to the crackpot
conclusion that
buying her
something that
you ordinarily would
consider everyday
household equipment
is a great idea
for a holiday present.

And such bad ideassilverware
on what to
get her have been
featured in advertising
for decades ……

… and you ain’t learned
YET ?

Man, –
whatever else
you do –
don’t listen to the ads.

Woe to you,
my friend,stuff
if you have been
wooed by the siren
songs of :

“happier households
with a Hoover” —

“crock pots
make her hot” ,

“silverware for
your sweetie”,

or even a
“mixer for
your mistress”.

‘Cause that vacuum cleanerhoover
you gift her for Christmas
2018 will be the only thing
that’s going to get any
sucking action in 2019.

You will have violated
the unspoken rule :

— been
hornswoggled,
hoaxed,
and hoodwinked,

— you will have
tread upon
the devil himself’s
threshing floor,

— and dared
the angels
to reap righteous
vengeance
upon the
other male
members of
your previously
happy home.

Yes,
I pity the fool.

Remember,
for next year —
Rule Number 7
Section 4,
Subsection G
in the Man’s
Handbook :

“When in doubt,
buy her
booze,
jewelry,
or lingerie.”blacklabel

And gifting
her all three
will almost
guarantee a
very kicky
holiday
weekend,
indeed.

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

fredericks

 

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That Sucking Sound

Wandering aimlessly
though the digital
wasteland a couple
of days ago…..

I was amazed at just
how much vacuum
of which the internet
is actually composed.

You can almost
hear a sucking
sound when
you open your
browser.

Sure,
I’m kidding –

– but just barely.

There does seem
to be much,
much ado
about mostly car-exhaust-vacuum
nothing.

Not that there ain’t
some things to see,
of course,

— like all of my
friends’ blogs
right here on WP…..

or, if you knowhair
right where
you’re going.

I just mean how
limited really good,
accurate information is.

Sometimes it’s
actually shocking
what’s NOT available.

On this particular
occasion, one of
my friends had devle
gotten my brain
all stewed up with ideas…

But as I looked for stuff
to accentuate the flavor
(as it were),
I couldn’t find
the right ingredients.

So I ended up
ambling toward
one of my favorite
online sites–
the Urban Dictionary.

I must admit
I’d be lost without it.

I was born in
the late 1950’s…
so the slang constantly
used in the media as2
these days leaves
me totally kerfruzzled.

Oh, kerfluzzled
is one of the words
I’m now learning to use,
thanks to my friends
here on WordPress,
and, of course,
the Urban Dictionary.

I was kerichunked
when someone originally
made a comment using
the word and had to
look it up on the UD.

Kerichunked–
ya know, surprised.

Not to be confusedappl
with kerjunked
which refers to a
hard and fast
sexual experience.

What?

Jeez, man–
I think you might
be more outta
the loop than I am.
(he said….
…. while kermitting wildly)

And of course,facesuck
as a rather rude reader
pointed out over
the weekend —

(in a roundabout way,
since he was obviously
a blogging nescient,
and could obviously
use some of these
pictured products)

That I should recognize
that using these pumps
strange vocabulary
words to illustrate
vapid, jejeune concepts
is casuistical of me,

but somehow,
it seems
like one
kerplinkerdinker
of a talent to me,
personally.

Oh sure,
I know sneaking
in the casuistical one
was a little off the
‘ker’ topic,

—- but I left it in
there as a kinda
kernubbin, if you will.

Kernfuzed, yet?hoover

Yeah, me too.

Hey–
why not use this
handy-dandy glossary
that I have so
thoughtfully provided.

— Hmmmm???

.

Handy Dandy GLOSSARYtubes

A Nescient – An Ignoramus

Kerfuzzled – Confused

Kerichunked – Surprised

Kerjunked– Hard and fast orgasm

Kermitting – Waving your arms like a muppet

Kernubbin – The last morsel of something great

Kerplinkerdinker — An awesome ability
that can’t easily be pronounced

Casuistical – Sophistic

Kernfuzed
I just made that up.

.

!!!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!

zenith