Vintage Pin Up: Charles Gates Sheldon

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Fishing For Cats

A friend and I were
trading emails a
couple of days ago,
when she used an
internet-age term
with which, for one
reason or another,
I had completely
forgotten about –
cat-fishing.

Oh sure, I’ve actually
known
people who have
had the experience of
finding out that their
prize winning internet
catch was nothing more
than a mud-bogging
cat fish in blue-fin tuna
clothing.

I think the reason I put
it out of my mind was
because the concept
seems so ….
well, dated,
really.

These days, anything
and I mean, anything
you want to know about
a prospective hotcha that
you meet on the internet
should be out there to
verify somewhere, if you
know how/where to look.

My daughter was texting
back and forth with a dude
who had made claims to
being this, and doing that,
having served in a certain
special-ops unit, and
currently working for a
high-level company in a
certain endroit-magnifique
in Europe.

I, being
Major-Pain-In-The-Ass-Dad
Numero-Uno checked on it
and -voila- ten minutes later,
he turned out to be some
Jerry Jerkwater from a little
podunk in Arkansas – who’s
probably never left his
mother’s garage
(where he lives ), never mind
having served overseas.

Hey, if you want to play a
character on the internet,
fine with me, but don’t
misrepresent yourself in
a way that you’re gonna
end up hurting someone
when they find out who
you really are.

( If you end up hurting
my daughter- well,
woe be to you, my friend,
woe be to you. )

And, let’s face it –
they are gonna find
out eventually, man.

Be yourself, and then,
if they don’t like you,
well fuck em.

Being somebody else
just means they’ll end up
the same place, only with
good reason.

Still, by observation,
I think I can suggest
a few things that ya
perspective Corydoras
might be able to safely
claim ……

Superpowers. 
Hey, don’t tell me
you can leg press
600 pounds, unless
you’re ready to show me.
However, if you said you
could vaporize me with
one whiff of your breath,
I bet I wouldn’t even try
to get confirmation on it.

.

From Outer Space.
You really could be an
alien, and there ain’t a
fucking thing I can do
to prove you’re not.
You probably are.

.

A Reformed
Such and Such.
A lot of women are
suckers for guys who
are needy losers.
Claim to be a former
psychotropic insect
user who has mended
his ways and now seeks
to enlighten those who
still chew up and swaller
dung beetles for a
cheap high, and you’ll
be not only popular
but free from all
meddling into
your past.

.

Time Traveller.
Speaking of past,
you could be from
10,000 B.C. and
using a time machine.
You better bone up on
your history, first,
though.

.

Psychic Powers .
Man, it seems like
a whole lotta
mumbo-jumbo
to me, in general.
But, on the other
hand, if you say that
you can see 100 years
into the future, whom
am I to say you’re a liar?

.

A Reincarnated
King or Queen. 
I’ve noticed that
everybody who ever
says they’ve been
reincarnated was
some big shot in a
previous life……
… and in fairness,
no matter how much
checking I’m willing to
do on the deal, I’m still
gonna have to give
you the benefit of
a 0.1% doubt.

.

Multiple Personalities. 
Hey, it worked
for Sybil, right ?

!!! HOY !!!

.