Cough It Up

Ever had a nagging cough
that seemed to kick in at
the absolutely worst times ?

Ever year around this
time, the pollen starts
to irritate my throat,
resulting in ,
first,
a mild
tickling sensation,
but then soon,
the wild,
irresistible urge to
cough my fucking
lungs out.

I’m not a fan.

There are all kinds of
things you can do for
a cough like that,
medicines, inhalers,
tea with honey–
but, my usual
remedy is to
just ignore it.

I figure, if I start
throwing presents
at it, it’ll never
go away.

But if my Mom heard
me cough like that,
she always had her
cure —

— a combination
of Father John’s tonic
(YUK) and the joy of
any child’s illnesses,
Pine Brothers Wild
Cherry Cough Drops.

Oh sure,
I know what you’re
thinking – you probably
remember ‘Smith Brothers’ –
but those were hard
and very sharp flavored.

Pine Brothers had a
texture kinda like
Swedish Fish ,
soft and squishy.

When I was a kid,
I ate em like candy.

I thought
they were candy.

They started out in
a Philadelphia
confectionery
store in the
1870’s ; so,
maybe I wasn’t
far wrong.

Now, whether you’re a
‘softish’ cough drop fan
or you like the harder
Smith Brothers ones is,
I guess, a matter of taste.

And sure, there
are others outside
of those two —

— which I definitely
know about, since
both Smith Brothers
and Pine Brothers have
been locally unavailable
in the last 10 or 15
years….

( Corporations don’t give
a damn about your
symptoms, ya know..)

So, you might even
be into cough-drops
made for folks with
sore throats from
yodeling while
playing one of
those huge Alpine
horn thingees,
and I’m ok
with that, too.

Actually those
work brilliantly.

But, since I’m coughing
my ass off right now as
I write this, I wonder —

Anybody got a
cough drop ????

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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Institutional Knowledge

Vintage postcards
come is so many
varieties ….

Some are created to
serve as a souvenir
of a voyage
or trip,

Others are designed
as a quick way to jot
off a message to
someone far away,

Or a way to
remotely
socialize ,

Still others try to
educate or persuade…

And of course, many
just attempt to be
entertaining.

I think today’s
batch fall into
the persuasion
category;

Perhaps from your
personal viewpoint,
you might view
them as
anti-marriage
propaganda;

Or maybe they’re just
a shout out to that
peculiar and almost
extinct personal
vocation known
as the ‘confirmed
bachelor’.

Hey,
let’s face it,
marriage can be a
wonderful institution –
but some guys ain’t
ready for an institution
of any kind.

And there certainly are
similarities between
the state of marriage
and ….

…….. well,
other kinds of state
institutions —
and the food’s pretty
much the same, too.

( As I’m given to
understand, anyway)

In order to avoid the
inevitable hostilities
and hystericalities
of mad-madres
everywhere, we won’t
mention any of those,
other than to say, that,
just like in matrimonial
states, there are several
levels of …
ahem..
… errr..
.. hmmm..
.. well… shall we say
being kept in ‘escrow’.

Ok,
examples:

Take a minimum security..
…ummm.. place… you can
kinda come and go as you
please, as long as you’re
present at the breakfast
and dinner tables for roll
call and in your own cell
at bed check.

Some folks have that
kinda deal at home,
and it doesn’t sound
all that terrible, if
you’re willing to cede
control of the TV
remote control, and
give up your dessert
to one of your fellow
inmates (the kids) or
the warden (the wife)
on demand.
You do get to
control the night light.

Medium security means
you gotta be doing
what they tell you all
the time, and report
for new assignments
on an almost hourly
schedule. This kinda
deal at home means
no use of the remote
control at all, the TV
being dedicated to
24 hour-a-day soap
operas and rom-coms.

The sleeping arrange-
ments aren’t all that
comfortable, and
usually leave much room
for improvement, and
you never even get a
dessert you’d wanna eat.
The night light goes off
automatically at a certain
time of day.

Maximum security,
well, if you’re in an
office, room or cubicle
at work all day and then
are banished to the
garage/yard with a
‘honey-do’ list until
supper, you’re already
very familiar with it.

When you get to bed,
you must always keep
one eye open, in case
one of your few
possessions are given
to the Salvation Army
as junk, or she decides
to reduce your now
pointless (to her )
sex drive by cutting
one off.

The night light stays
on – day in, day out.

What’s that,
you ask?

One what ? 

Well, the real reason
most guys don’t bend
over to pick up the soap
has more to do with the
pair of these that most
guys NOT in maximum
security still have
somewhat intact.

Ahem.

And then,
of course,
there’s Super-Max.

Uhhhhhh, no…..

I know better than
going there, buddy.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Take A Swing

swingHappy Wednesday.

I was browsing my
postcard collection
the other day,

and happened
to notice an
interesting phenomena —

(well, to me, anyway)

— the plethora of cards
dealing with pretty girls
in/on garden swings.

I wondered,
if maybe,
perhaps,
it was just
a resultim-getting-the-swing-of-things-here-posted-1913-vintage-comic-postcard-1784ffe4e6cd85266cd83040a181997a
of a peculiarity
in my personal
collecting
propensities……

After all,
I’ve really
got nothing
against pretty girls
on postcards doing
just about anything,

and the typical garden
or porch type swing
does offer up
certain opportunities
for …

…. well,a1
wait a minute,
now…..

I already got
called a ‘perv’
once this week,

I know the lady
in question meant it
as a joke, and I took
it that way, I did…

In the best
possible way.

So, I’m just using it
as a cheap gimmick
to drive a post write…

although I certainly
don’t think being
a perv is a bad thing,
or could ever
take it as an insult…

— at least at
my age 😀

Ahem. summer

A man finds a
good imagination
key to keeping
his interests
in life and love alive–

— and his hormone
levels up —

cause you never know
when a situation
could arise to
make that sorta
thing useful .

Here’s hopin,
anyway.

And, hey-
they don’t even
pay me a2for
writing this
convoluted
and chaotic blog —

so you gotta take
ideas and inspiration
where you find it
sometimes, man.

But,

Be that
as it may–

let me
pick my way
a little more
carefully through
this one…..a5

Apparently,
a large number of
vintage postcards
have been issued
on this very theme —

— the common
‘swing’ —
over the years.

Oh.1910

Just imagine that.

Notwithstanding
all of the
other stuff
a person,
or persons,
could use
to accommodate
their swinging
lifestyle ….

like the half moon,
(or a full moon,
for that matter)
the stars at night,
a low hanging balcony,
the saddle of a live
bucking bronco,
the music of
a bad-ass big-band,
a hanging log,
even a fishing line,

— or for that matter,
any one of a number
of other implements…..

It seems that the
simple garden
swing is king.

As we’ve
already discussed,
I’ve decided to spare
y’all the lecture —

without explaining
all of the possible
permutationsa3
of what went
into the popularity
of these cards,

… including all of the
obvious things
that might naturally
occur to any
healthy,
mature-minded perv —

I’ll just leave it
with the symbolism
involved —

you know,
from the perspective
of the swingee —

freedom
from the usuala667
earth-bound
gravitational
considerations,

the simulation
of flight,

and the value of a
strong, cool
vertical breeze
on a hot day….ne

All that.

We will not discuss
the implications
to the viewer
of said swingee.

You know,
—-  all them
pervs to whom
they sold all
those cards to,
originally.

I,
quite obviously,
being a leading one.

HOY !!!!!!

.

artfrahm

Friday Mailbag

Hey
LA
Hey
LA
My
Mailbags
Back !

Yes,
friends, there’s
one inescapable
feature of Fridays,

– other than that
ubiquitous
urge to run
screaming down
the street nekkid
waving your arms
around like a
lunatic –

( an urge I get
more often than
just once a week,
I will admit )

– is the wonderful
Muscleheaded Blog
tradition of Ye Ole
Mailbag –

-wherein my friends
and readers send in
a lot of cool shit to
be shared with
everybody who
wants some.

And let’s
face it,
everybody
wants some.

I’ve been receiving
some groovy stuff
from a friend who’s
on the road up Nawth
somewhere, and it is
too good not to share –

– she’s got a
serious eye
for vintage-anything,
and that comes
through in these,
for sure-

— along, of course,
with her fabulous
sense of humor.

You might pick up
on a vague theme
here from the cards,
and maybe it’s simply
got to do with the
lady in question
being one hot
mama.

As if there was
any doubt.

!! HOY !!

.