The Friday Mailbag

JEP “Le Derby” – Made in France

I’ve just
been in
a vintage toy
kinda mood
lately….

Maybe it’s a
second childhood
comin’ on,

or
somethin’.

All I can say,
is woe to teaching
nuns everywhere,
cause this time I
know just how to
deal with em.

And they’re no
longer bigger
than me.

So they’d better be
armed with more
than pointers,
yardsticks and
rulers.

Ahem.

Anyhoo….
the annual summer
antique festival here
in Western North
Carolina was the
first weekend of this
month, and I saw some
very zippy stuff that
I wouldn’t have minded
owning when I was
a kiddie winkie.

Don’t have room for
it now, or I’d still
dig it.

‘She who must be
obeyed’ laughed
and said I could
clear out the garage
and set it all up out
there–

– what she didn’t
take into account
(or maybe she did)
was where I’d put
my motorcycles ???

Hey man,
anybody knows
the real thing
beats
the hell outta the
toy of it anytime.

Still, I figured
I’d share some
of what I saw.

And in at least
the case of a
couple of
arcade and
casino games,
what I would
have liked to
seen.

JEP “Le Derby”

The one up top
was a French
mechanical
horse race game
called “Le Derby”;
it was made in
the 1920’s
and 1930’s , and
had two tin tracks
along which metallic
horses would run.

“Victory” by Trueline Tools

This next one is a
neat-o example of
the “Victory ” horse
race game, made in
the 1930’s by the
Trueline Tool Company
in Birmingham, England.

The instructions show
that the device could
be used as a gambling
device – and was meant
for use at parties…..

It looks like one person
would serve as ‘bookie’
for three races, while the
other players would choose
their horse, and after all
bets were down, the
spring release would be
activated, and the
numerical disk would spin.

Where it stopped
delineated
the winning
‘horse’ and the
payout odds.

Most of
these games
were built for
in-home
entertainment,
but there are
some exceptions,
like these
next ones
coming up:

Called
“Sigma Derby” –

Sigma “Derby” casino game

It was a game
developed by a
Japanese arcade
company for
casinos in the
1980’s.

I played it a couple
years ago in
St. Maarten
and loved the
damn thing..
…. it felt so
purely mechanical.

It’s been removed from
most casinos these days
unfortunately, but if I find
one in good shape, there
might have to be an annex
to my garage in the future.

Genco’s “Motorama”,
while not strictly speaking
a racing game, was a
full size arcade game
with a mechanical linkage
running between the
steering wheel and a
model car on a mini
driving course.

And then, there’s
Rock-Ola’s
‘Official Sweepstakes’
coin operated horse
race game —

— a pretty cool deal
when it was originally
produced in the
1930’s, but they’re
supposedly being
reproduced these days,
so caveat emptor, man.

!!! HOY !!!

.

.

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Hustle Your Bustle

What’s that you say? go

Blue Humor ?

On the
Muscleheaded
Blog ?

Naaaah —

It must be
just in your
dirty mind, right ?

Or is it mine?

Ya see,
I was perusing my
antique postcards
from the early 1900’s
last weekend….

And I couldn’t help
feeling that
a lot of these
old cards
conceal ribald
double-entendres
in their punchlines .

And barely
conceal,
at that.

Maybe that’s why
I like em so much,
but still.

I am sure
of one thing —

They were intended
to put :

A rustle in your bustle.

A clinch in your cinch.

A bee in your brassiere.

A nip in your slip.

Some leer in your lingerie.

A crinkle in your crinoline.

A gasp in your garter…

A coursing in your corset?

Oh,athat
that’s more
than one thing.

Alrighty then..
ahem.

I must say,
even though
I myself,
being a creature
of the internet age,
are accustomed to
much steamier fare,
these cards still stir
the pot for me, too.

I’m not gonna
venture a guess
on why that is…..

You want to
see more, you
you say?

Well why not ,
by jingo.

This next card,
of a couple
cuddling on a couch,
took me a while to figure out —

because as you can see,1911
the caption had mostly faded
into the background.

—— >

But as near as
I can figure,
it reads:

” Well my boy
I’m mighty happy,
That its come
From you at last,b1
Needn’t worry
About the wedding,
For it
Cannot come too fast. “

And he does seem
to be making
pretty good time,
now that you mention it.

I love these things, man.

You can kinda write
your own meaning
into ’em.

Ok, sure,
if you’re all
clean-cut and all,
and you want to thinka1
“oh, they didn’t mean
anything by that”,
you can.

(Hey,
you’re no fun, anymore.)

But, if you’re like me,
you’ll enjoy writing
dirty stories
in your head
to go right
along with em.

I’m all for that.

You could
even post
those dirty stories
in comments

….. if such a notion
should justabehave
suddenly occur
to you, ya know.

I’m even more
all for THAT.

Cause,
if the truth
be told,
life is just too
damned short
not to have all
the sexy fun you can.

So,
— keep up the
good work, man.

.

HOY !!!!!

.

afriend

The National Past-time of France

You gotta
love the French.

And one of the
main reasons
you gotta love
the French:

— is that when
the French
love something,
they do it up right.

You can see it
in their literature.

You can see it
in their cuisine.

You can see it
in their architecture.

Take a trip down
to the Chartres
Cathedral
and tell me you
can’t see it.

You can see
it in their art.

Take a tour through
the Louvre Museum 1910
and tell me you
can’t feel it right
down to the tile floor
in the Richelieu.

You can feel that
very special vibe
walking though
the streets of
Montmartre.

Taste the food
and the wine
and tell me
you don’t get it —-

And most especially,

the French
LOVE to LOVE.

I’m a big fan of vintage
French postcards,
as you probably know…..baiser

And my
favorite series
had to do with
that very subject.

Kissing,
Lovemaking —
Douce AMOUR.

As the French
would say:

” Que mes baisers soient
les mots d’amour
que je ne te dis pas
. “

( Let my kisses tell you
what my words can’t say.) 

I dunno why we
as Americans
have been so stuffy
about the subject,a2

because I think
the French definitely
have had the right
idea all along.

And they’ve developed
a whole system of
understanding seduction

— and the art of petting —

and the methodology
of doing it well.

Take this vintage
REX French
post-card from
the 1920’s:

Called
Les Baisers d’Amourbaisers
( ” The Kisses of Love ” ) .

There are six varieties
of kisses illustrated,
each with it’s own
special description
of how it feels….

( or perhaps,
it’s end effect, no ?)

In order from
left to right,
top to bottom:

Coaxing
Tender
Ardent
Amorous
Intoxicating
Affectionate

Hey,
that’s some
promising
stuff, huh ?

Despite the fact
that this card
is about a
hundred years old,
it still cuts pretty much
right to the chase, right?

And that’s another
charming aspect
of the French.

They take their
pleasure serious,
very serious indeed.

Makes sense to me, man.
s1

As a further
evidence of this fact,
I present this card –

Called ” Les Baisers
( ” Kisses ” )

this card specifies
more varieties,
– and further illustrations –

for the aspiring
apprentice
in the amorous arts.

It includes:

The Surprise Kiss
The Sincere Kiss
The Lingering Kiss
The Fiery Kiss
The Warm Kiss
The Impassioned Kissa1

(notice they
don’t show you
where the guy’s hands
are on that last one…. )

And, yes —
it does seem like
the combination
of all those kisses
might be working
wonders on the chick
in the rose-colored
dress.

It’s amazing whatbaisers
one can learn from
postcards, ya know..

Like how all
this chemistry
comes together —

Le Langage
Des Baisers
” —

The Language of Kisses “,
explains how :

Kisses of happiness
brings about blushing of cheeks
Lovers kisses slowly
build to a powerful arousal
Kisses on the neck makes us fools
(for love)
— and after that —
Lips united in infinite ecstasy. 

YOW.

And of course,
as we all know,

Love is something
that’s good
anytime of the year.

Just consult
Le Langage des Nuits

When spring comes along
It can be very exhilarating
And it can pass away
Just as intenselynuits

When the summer passes
One last kiss
Marks love’s ending
With the rising sun

Wild autumn nights
So full of passion
Astonishing the heart
With so much happiness

The winter nights are mild
When, for heat,
Mouth to mouth
Meet for a long kiss a4

.

I just hope the
native
French speakers
among you
will pardon me for the
shortcomings of my
high school French-class
-level translations……..

But the rest of you
certainly get the idea.

So, like I said —

The French absolutely
love the acts of love.

And who can
blame ’em?

HOY !!!!!

a3

And remember –

Le prix d’Amour, c’est seulement Amour,
Il faut aimer si l’on veut être aimé.

.
.
.

Friday Mailbag

It seems like
the week has
just sailed away…..

Summer seems
to have that effect
on me, for sure.

I hope you’re
enjoying the
warm weather
and doing
something
much more
interesting
than working,
sleeping,
going to
the gym
and eating.

Sometimes things
start to spiral
just like that,
(clockwise,
counter-clockwise
in the Southern
Hemisphere )
and you have to
remember to
break out before
it becomes
a rut, ya know.

Ahem.

It should come
as no surprise that
it’s time again for
our weekly Friday
Mailbag, consisting
of goodies sent in
by our lovely readers,
and failing that,
stuff off the infamous,
crusty and dusty
‘Mail Bag’ hard drive
archive.

I’d love to tell where
I got some of this
stuff, but I can barely
tell you what decade
it was put on there.

All I know is I need a
MS-Dos command to
get it open.

Very crusty and
dusty indeed.

And also, it’s
time for another
edition of
“Did Ya Know”.

So….

Did Ya Know :

The sentence
“The quick brown
fox jumps over
the lazy dog” was
developed at great
expense by the
Western Union
Telegraph Company
in the 1870’s as
a telex system
test phrase –
– it contains every
letter of the
alphabet.

Oh, and Western
Union no longer
does telegrams.

Nope-
no candy-grams,
dolly-grams, or
melody-grams
either.

!!! HOY !!!

Off To The Races

Depending on who
you are, where
you’re from, and
what you like to
watch;

– you may call it
the “Sport of Kings”,
“Feeling The Thunder”,
“The Wall Of Death”,
“The Grand Prix” or
the “Triple Crown ”
— and it’s all
just racin’.

Around here,
when somebody
says “racin”
they usually
mean NASCAR –
– but that is
changing.

It could have somethin’
to do with obnoxious
spoiled drivers,
insane ticket prices,
rich team owners who
only care about
making a buck, and
the wall to wall
product placement….

Yeah, I recognize
there’s a huge
difference between
an experienced jockey
setting down on a
3 year old thoroughbred
named something like
Bodacious Tatas “,
( from the Kentucky
Derby – 1985),
Barely Legal
( from two different
Kentucky Derbies,
1982 and 1989 )
or ” Junk In The
Trunk
” ( K.D. 2000 )

and strapping yourself
into a NASCAR 800
Horsepower stock car
with those idiotic
advertising stickers
all over it…

(although that cutesy
pie ‘name’ thing
might be just NASCAR
needs to recapture
some of it’s audience.)

The same goes for
riding a MotoGP bike
on the edge at 250 MPH;
or chasing a disembodied
enemies’ head wrapped
in old gauze across the
desert on the back
of a camel.

Just cause you can
race one thing don’t
mean you can race
another.

But you do got
plenty of choices.

You don’t even
need a machine or
an animal –
you can get a
racing airplane drone,
or you can just run
your ass off on the
track like Jessie Owens.

Hey, who didn’t want
one of them there
‘slot car’ tracks when
they were a kid, and
you can definitely have
a blast running those
HO Railroad trains side
by side.

Yep, and all of it
is called “Racing” –
it’s been a popular
past time for as long
as there’s been
peeples and stuff
to race with/against.

You would be absolutely
amazed at what folks
have used to pursue
their need for speed –
– just a list of the
animal powered stuff
would take up a couple
pages.

However,
just so’ze you know
I’m not shortin’ you
on that-

Consider this short list :
Lobster Racing,
Crab Racing,
Frog Racing,
Buffalo Racing
(sans the wings)
Dog Racing (all sorts
including Poodle Racing),
Pigeon Racing,
Snail Racing,
and of course,
everybody’s favorite
one at the North Carolina
State Fair every year–
Pig Racing.

And once you switch
over to peeple-powered
stuff, you can choose
from hundreds of
varieties in some
general categories
like: Running,
Walking,
Orienteering,
Swimming,
Bicycling,
Skiing,
Sledding,
Kayaking,
Bobsliding,
Canoeing,
Snowboarding,
Surfing, ….

Hell, there’s even
a big tournament
for Marble Racing.

Yep.

Kinda low impact,
but if you’re
into it, I guess….

Should you wish
a machine to propel
you –
(makes sense to me),
you can choose to
race a truck, car,
motorcycle, moped,
ATV, snowmobile,
a Go Cart, speedboat,
a sailing yacht ….

Man, they even
race lawn-mowers.

I wonder if I can
convince somebody
that my lawn would
make a good place
to practice every
week or two……

!!! HOY !!!

.

.

 

 

Friday Mailbag

Yawn.

I’ve been
thinking….

We’ve got to find
a new way of
greeting our
visitors to the
Muscleheaded
Blog …..

… the whole
” Hi Ya ”
thing is wearing
a bit thin,
ya know.

What do ya think
of something like:

” ‘Ello, gov’nor! “

Too poncey?

Yeah, maybe
you’re right.

What about :

” Hyvää päivää! “

Sure, I agree that
there might not
be a whole lotta
Finnish people
out there reading
this thing…..

” Howzit Hangin? “,

So maybe there is
an inference that
cojones are a
prerequisite for
our readers, and
that’s not at all
true…..

” Whats Cookin’ “

I guess that’d work
better if we wuz a
food blog.

” Howdy Pardner “,

Naahhh—
I don’t even
own a 10 gallon hat.

” Χρόνια και ζαμάνια!”

Nope-
all Greek to me.

” Ahoy, Matey “,

Ok, well, being a
Navy guy, I’m fine
with nautical references,
although that’s more
Captain Hook than
Admiral Nimitz.

” ‘Sup, Homeslice “,

I dunno….
maybe I need to
work on the tonality
of that one a bit
more….

” What’s Kickin’,
Little Chicken ” ,

Definitely a
front runner.

” Good Day, Ay ” ,

Bob and Doug
would be proud.

” Whazzup ” ,

I can imagine
using that phrase
as an opening for
a best-man’s speech
at a wedding, but….

” Hey Ya Honeybunch” ,

Too Personal?

or maybe just :

” Go Bhfuil Do Dhath
Gruaige Nádúrtha? “

Oh yeah….
That’s sure
to work.

Alright then…..

Now that we’ve
got the whole
salutations thing
out of the way………

Damn;
We’ve run
outta time.

Alright, so….
See Ya.

!!! HOY !!!

.