Snapshots From The Weirder Side Of The News

fToday, we dive into
the deep end of our
weird news archives
for some classics:

So hello,
and welcome, earthling.

I always find these stories rep
a parable on just what happens——

when you let people breed
without any consideration
whatsoever
for the IQ of those involved.

I’m not saying dumb people
shouldn’t have sex.

Just not with each other .

Ahem.

A guy in Wisconsin with a hankerin’2
for some greasy food and easy cash—

…..hired himself to be the
new manager of the Dennys Restaurant
in Madison…..

( This guy gives new meaning to “self employed” )

It seems that 52 year old James Summers
walked in there one day in 2014
and told the “old” manager
that he was her replacement.1

But when she called the corporate headquarters
to ask the inevitable WTF question—

……. she was told they never heard of the guy.

By then, Summers had cooked up
a burger and fries for himself.

Cops arrived soon after,
and despite his protestations
of a “paperwork goof-up”…….

he was arrested and charged
with all kindsa nice stuff ,3
like carrying a concealed weapon ( a stun gun ),
fraud, and drug charges.

His final words on his first and last day as manager???:
This is why you don’t dine and dash, kiddies!”

Ahhh….
born to lead , he was.

Ok…

I gotta say it now…..
WTF????

Another man in Madison, Wisconsin —

( what is it– quarter
something in the water, maybe? )

…… was charged with drug
and weapons charges in January, 2015.

Interesting, huh?

Naah..

What is interesting, however
— is that this 30 year old
recently changed his name.

It was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke.

Ok.. I guess
I can see simplifying that…4

………….. it is kinda hard to spell,
and “Jeffrey?”
…… yeah.

So he changed it.

To
Beezow Doo-Doo-Zopittybop-Bop-Bop “.

We attempted to interview
Mister Doo-Doo-ZopittyBop-Bop by phone,

…….. but Directory Assistance
thought we wuz just messin’ with em.5

Let’s see how far away we can get
from Madison for this next story.

( pleeeeeze )

Warm tropical beaches,
hot Polynesian girls,
poi instead of cheese–
and SPAM in everything….
yeah… that’s far enough.

In Hawaii, two interesting cases were in court
charging that the local Petco store
was taking the customized pet thing a step too far….

One case alleged that while grooming
Gladys Kapuwai’s dog, they cut off a chunkkfc
of her pomeranian’s ear, and glued it back on,
with Super-Glue.

The other said that Estelle Green’s puppy
ended up missing half his tail.

Now, I could make an allusion
about the connection of their well-loved Spam
and the aforementioned doggie parts….

But instead, I’m reminded of the time
my dyed-in-the-wool-100%pro
Irish Uncle Tommy once
told me what
“Irish foreplay” was.

” Brace Yerself Maggie!! ”
in a loud, drunken voice.

Thank God he never married.

Erin Go Bragh.

( Ok… I know it aint got nuthin to do
with the dog story, but that one kills me,
……. especially knowing Uncle Tommy. )

Next. 8

Master Flynn Michael is an unhappy Jedi Warrior.

Apparently, in the fall of 2014,
he hosted a gathering of other
Star Wars fans at the Project Parlor Bar
in New York City, where he unveiled his latest treasure:

— a 400 hundred dollar custom-made “Light Saber” —–

until some evil unknown Sith
carried it off while the young
Jedi wasn’t listening to the force.

“I finally got my uber custom saber,rob
and then some jerk walks out with it.”

Gee…
there’s always some kid
who spoils all the fun, huh?

So, anyway…
he offered a $100 reward for it’s return.

We’ll let Flynn explain,
what, at first glance,
seems to be kinda juvenile,
but is really very, very important.

“The New York Jedi are a community
of people and teachers who share
practical Martial Arts-based
and Stage Combat oriented Light Saber techniques
in order to create illuminated stage combat!
But we are not character or cannon specific
to any story franchise. We give you
the exciting option of creating your own hero, Bob
from whatever source inspires you!
We just focus on the whole light saber thing!”

Oh.

I see.

I bet that phony Jedi stuff really
gets the local girls to wanna
take off their clothes, too, huh ?

Uhmmmm….
yeah.

HOY !!!!

.

spunlo

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Manual Labor

varietyI hate to tell you this…..

But, some of you guys really missed the boat here, man.

Cause the application process for man-tester has now been filled.

So sorry.

Hmmm….

I guess I’d better refresh your memory.

Last year, I told y’all about a weird ‘job opportunity’ I came across in my ‘travels’ ,

I just figured that when I come across such a unique real world application of the words:

weird, free, funny and sorta-sexy,

…. that I had a responsibility,
as one of them there
weird, free, funny, sorta-sexy bloggers
…….. to let people know about it.

Was it also a bit onanistic and creepy?

Ummm…

Yeah, I guess that goes without saying.

But what I can say is that if you were truly interested,
…… you’d better put that thing away and keep moving.

When opportunity knocks, and all that.

There was this company in the U.K. that was running this ad:

octupuss

Yes, it was an ad for sex-toy testers.

It was for males, 18 and over only —

Apparently, these people,

( the same folks who brought the world such important scientific innovations like the “Hot Octopussy”, )

had invented a new gadget —
called a “Guybrator”, that they were looking to market.

And I thought I would give you the buzz on it. type

Umm.. wait.

Ok, seriously,

they really were looking for guys to test various items out,

….. and give them feedback.

Of course, you first had to make the cut —

— they said you have to own your own penis,
( I know plenty of guys who don’t )

need to be able to handle pressure,
………. and have good stamina.

That means, of course —
you’d be engaged in important, strenuous work —

No, you wouldn’t be:
meeting any interesting people,
or seeing interesting places,
or sleeping with interesting women,
or even performing a variety of interesting tasks ……

But you would be:

choking the chicken,
bashing the bishop,
slapping Mr. Fantastic,
stroking for lotion,
spanking the monkey …….

suziewonder1WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM: MISS SUZIE WONDER,
MUSCLEHEADED BLOG SCIENCE EDITOR:

Listen, I’m doing you lugs a big favor here by interrupting, ’cause the Musclehead is on one of his listing kicks again — so far he’s got about 72 different terms for whacking off, and he’s still typing — what I’ll do is edit out most of them, and leave 6 or 7– and he’ll never know the difference. After all, he doesn’t read this crappy blog, either. Hey, you’ll thank me later. But, if you insist on the full monty, email the big dumb bastard at carolinamuscle@outlook.com — I’m sure he’ll have over 100 by then.

BTW; stop doing that- you’ll go blind.

tossing off a wank,
janking the jerky,
milking Little Elvis,
flogging the log,
or pulling yer pudd
( there’s just one ‘d’ if it’s a grow-er instead of a show-er )

((( My friend Carolyn just sent me some more of these—
like:
joining the giblets
cock stuffing
playing hide the salami
riding the flagpole
hitting it raw
storming the castle
getting the bone
boinking
downloading your hardware )))

etc
etc
etc.
All with the help of a motorized plastic device.

Hoooooo Boy , where does one sign up, right?

Sorry — as I said, job filled.

Wait — you still want to know about the job benefits?

gumWell, they had no problem with you working at home….

……… actually, I’m pretty sure that they much preferred it.

They claimed to provide a “great package”,

…. and all the tissues you’ll need.

Ok, see…
I knew you wouldn’t believe me.

Check it out for yourself then, Mister Doubting Thomas.

Their site is at: http://www.hotoctopuss.com/handjob/

Yes, as I said, the job is now filled by some lucky individual.

But why not just email them and tell them how much they’re missing?

Hey,
all that O.J.T. you’ve been doing’s gotta count for somethin’, right?

HOY!

.

roofiedhimself

Not So Great Moments in Weird News

beerYou and I can probably agree that this ole world has just gotten down right weird.

One of the ways you can see the depths to which this said societal surreality has sunk is to look at the news,

and the kinds of crimes being committed —

I’m not talking about seriously bad crap like murders and kidnapping and stuff —

I mean the stuff that makes you just wanna go:
HUH ??? ” -or- ” WTF ?? ” .
everything

( one really does need a vocabulary containing words with more than 3 letters, “BTW” )

I doubt most of these weird criminals possess such a thing, however.

And, as my buddy Doctor John would say:
“How could you stoop so low ?”

Like stealing trikes from a baby…. trike

2011– Los Angeles — the first thing 31 year old parolee M. Toplin did when released from jail was to swipe a little girl’s pink tricycle….

— he was seen riding it off down Central Avenue, still wearing his black prison jumpsuit.

Police officers, who were riding by, thought it was a bit suspicious, and after questioning….

Toplin was arrested and charged with receiving stolen property and petty theft with a prior conviction.

In Orem, Utah, in 2008, police there arrested a T. Lindsey, a 21 year old local gang member, and charged him with stealing a little girl’s tricycle, as well.

Although he denied the charges, police say he was riding it at the time of his arrest.

There must be a big black market for little pink tricycles.

.

zoeMetarie, Louisiana:

A man dressed up as a very ugly woman robbed a place called Joe’s Cafe,
in July 2008, at gunpoint.

He escaped,
— but ended up losing $5 in the transaction.

He had handed over a $5 bill to pay for two doughnuts,
so the cashier would open the register,
—- then he pulled a gun and demanded the money…

But, the clerk became hysterical and started screaming…
( probably about his choice of eye shadow )

… so, the frightened crook fled on foot— without his $5 or his doughnuts.

The idiot doesn’t even know what he missed —
—- because that place has got great crullers.

.

paperBellevue, Washington:

A Washington State Patrol trooper pulled over an SUV on Interstate 90 in this Seattle suburb after observing it driving erratically at high speed about 1:20 a.m. on a Friday night.

The trooper found both the driver and his female passenger were naked, with alcohol containers in the vehicle–

— according to the report, they apparently had been interrupted in the middle of sexual intercourse — (at over 70 miles per hour).

The driver stated that the couple had just met.

Boy, does that guy work fast !

(And, talk about coitus interuptus!)

.

papChicago, Illinois:

A judge has ordered a 17-year-old to pay a $750 fine and perform 120 hours of community service–

— for contaminating salad dressing with his semen and then returning it to a suburban Chicago high school’s cafeteria stockroom.

How he caught in the first place is anybody’s guess, but…

“I have no explanation for what I did,” the underage perpetrator said in court. “I felt bad after I did it.”

( Ain’t life just like that? )

This did end the frequent complaints about the ranch dressing not being CREAMY enough, though….

.

jane_1943Now, this last one isn’t a crime ,
….but is still a story that will make you wonder.

New Franken, Wisconsin:

Last year, a Catholic priest removed his church’s organist and choir director from her duties saying her sale of sex toys was
not “consistent with Church teachings.”

Linette Servais, 50, played the organ and sung with the choir for 35 years at her local church.

But, after members of the parish complained, she was told to quit her part-time sales job with a company known as ‘Pure Romance’ or she would lose her unpaid position.

Hmmm….

I think personally Linette should have offered to rectally demonstrate one of her fine products on the good reverend,
…… and some of the bluenose parishioners, too!

(hey, a free sample is ALWAYS good for business!)

.

Man, do I need a coffee.

Hoy!

funnies

 

You Gots To Be Kidding Me

This culture is just getting weirder,
…………. no doubt about it.
a

And I’ll just betcha it’s something in the food.

Junk food in particular.

How else do you explain how crazy people have been acting in fast food places lately?

A whole lotta crazy.

Deep Fried Pepsi, my ass.

.

frI read about a guy in France who bashed in a McDonald’s drive thru window with an axe—-

because his Freedom Fri … errr….
umm… sorry….
French Fries were cold.

Hey, I guess if you’re gonna sell crappy fast food in France,

……….. the least you can do is make sure it’s Haute Cuisine.

Sure, ya say….
take the somewhat-obscure but still-cheap joke.

(And my response? … OF COURSE I DID.)

I’m just figuring that guy never ate at MCDonalds before, cause otherwise he’d know–

……………. their fries are ALWAYS served cold.

I think it’s like some kinda Mc-gazpacho thing.

Next….

.aa

A story about a woman in Florida
(Weirdo USA, and where I grew up)
who tore up the place, throwing cash registers, napkin holders, straw dispensers, and anything else she could get her hands on……….

Because?

They had the nerve to put mustard on her hamburger,
— after she specifically AXXXED
( err… asked) them not to.

She ‘splained to the cops that this wasn’t the first time they messed up her order,
… and she wanted to make a statement.

They told her not to make any statements until they read her her rights, which they promptly did.

What they didn’t tell her, of course, was
—- that the stuff on her hamburger wasn’t really mustard.

.

slatemoseyTwo guys in Tennessee last year, Messr’s Mosey and Slate, attacked a Murphreesboro Mickey D’s with bricks and concrete blocks after receiving cheeseburgers with an insufficient amount of onions.

Monsieur Mosey was still hanging around when the cops got there, being so intoxicated that he had passed out in the parking lot (cracking his skull in the process), after hurling a piece of concrete through the front glass window.

Asked for a statement by the local press, Slate explained: ” We were ticked.

Uh huh… that certainly explains it, fellas.

.

I don’t want y’all to think that this fast food crime frenzy is all happenin at McDonalds, though.

Oh no…

If you’ve ever been to my beautiful Southland,
you’ve probably seen this place at least a thousand times in your travels.

awful

We Southerners affectionately (or not) call the place the ‘awful house’.

The food there is…..

….well,

it can range from only-half-assed-home-cooking-like-your-old-drunk-Uncle-would-make,
to downright-food-experiment-gone-horribly-horrible.

But in the wee hours of morning in some parts of the Southern US,
this is it, if yer hungry….

……….. so you might as well just bend over, grin and bear it.

Or at least, you’d better grin —
———–  and be extra sure to be nice to your waitress.

Otherwise, you might get hit upside the head with a frying pan, like a guy in Beaufort, S.C. did in January.

He complained about the 25 minute wait.

Sure, it was 3 in the morning, but as you know, that’s the time when waitresses are most likely to attack.

So obviously , he had it coming.

In the waitresses’ defense, I have ta say…

I been to Beaufort, SC,
…. and there’s plenty worse things to complain about than the slow service at the Awful House.

Get your priorities straight, man.

.

And if you like crappy, greasy fast food,
I bet you’re familiar with the fine Taco Bell chain of restaurants.

Despite them being a sponsor of one of my favorite TV shows, Ink Masters,
they uncompromisingly suck,
— but people like to eat there, anyway.

And I bet you also already know that their “Beefy Crunch Burrito” has gone up in price — from 99cents to 1.49.

Tahhh.

swatThe nerve of those bastards, charging 50 cents more for the same .012 cent worth of chemical additives, preservatives, and assorted animal in-erds,

……….. all wrapped in a gummy, tortilla-like substance.

It’s enough to make you mad.

Real mad..

….. mad as a ….
— some kinda mad cow, almost.

Like the guy in San Antonio, Texas, who barricaded himself in his motel room for 3 hours,

After having a temper tantrum over the price increase and shooting up the local Taco Bell with a BB Gun.

You’ll never take me alive coppers — I gotta BB GUN and I ain’t afraid to use it “.

He probably should stay away from the hot sauce.

.

My favorite fast food story, though,
…. has to be the infamous Reginald Peterson Subway Sandwich Caper. reg

And I will give it to you verbatim from the Urban Dictionary site….
( although the video is all over YouTube if you wanna watch it ) .

” A 40 Year Old Crackhead from Jacksonville Florida who was arrested in August of 2008 for calling 911 over a Subway Sandwich

He Called 911 3 times in a 15 Minute Time Period to complain about the lack of Mayonnaise and Mustard on His Spicy Italian Sub.

When the police did show up they tried to talk some sense into him but he wouldn’t listen and got arrested for 911 abuse.

Reginald Peterson: ” I ordered 2 Sammiches and I asked for everything on 1 Sammich and the then I asked for Certain things on da other Sammich I didn’t get what I paid for on the first Sammich that I Ordered so I brought the Sammiches Back and ask can I get my sammiches made the way I paid Foe now seeing as I’m on the phone Witcha they locked the freakin Do and they gots bof of da Sammiches they did not make right fo me inside they stoe ”

Officer: ” Sir, you’re Under Arrest ”

Peterson: ” Foe what ?”

Officer: ” For calling 911 ”

Peterson: ” You gots to be kiddin me “.

I couldn’t have said it better, Reginald…..

You GOTS to be kidding me.

.
.
.

bj

….. now THAT’s value for money, right there….

HOY!

Weird This Week

a

Here’s your weird news fix for this week….
(caution: mild adult content)

A Texas family captured a rather ugly, nearly hairless creature rooting around in their backyard last week,

( No, it wasn’t Doctor Pfil ),

and they have now decided that it was the one and only legendary “Chupacabra” —

— a heretofore mythical monster capable of sucking the blood from livestock.

chupacabra

( well, not the one and only, apparently, since this animal is a young one) .

Here’s the charming looking thingee himself.

Yes, he was a bit homely–

kinda looks like a cross between a Chihuahua, a rat, and a coyote.

Not exactly house-pet material, with sharp teeth and a penchant for snarling, yapping, and snapping.

But then, I know plenty of people like that, and none of them are Chupacabras.

Still, interested parties from around the world were fixin’ (remember, this is Texas) to descend upon the sleepy town of Ratcliffe to see it, when the Sheriff gave Bubba and Jackie Stock– (the folks who found it) 48 hours to either release it or kill it, since the local Game Warden declared that there weren’t such a thing as a Chupawhat’sis and that it must be some kind of ‘hairless raccoon’.

(Yes, the guy’s name really was Bubba, and, No, I’m not making this up)

Now, I don’t wanna to spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say that the “Goat Sucker” has passed on to that great Crypto-Zoo in the sky.

Boy, is Bigfoot gonna be pissed when he finds out they kilt his dog.

.

They won’t leave the poor ‘fils de pute’ alone…..

Napoleon Bonaparte, that is.

It seems that 200 years ain’t long enough to be dead—

–people are still messing with his reputation.

This time, it’s the size of his prod.

1You know
pecker,
prick,
baloney pony,
bongo banger,
chode,
chopper,
cock,
crank,
diddly,
ding-dong,
dingle,
dingus,
granny scarer,
Johnson, 2
joystick,
langer,
lingum,
love muscle,
maid mauler,
man brain,
meat stick,
panty pouncer,
peter pistol,
salt shaker,
rowdy rod,
trouser snake,
tallywacker,
willie,
winkie,
Mister Happy…….

Or as the French would say, “pénis”.

napThat thing us men are always trying to stick inside of just about anything walking around with at least .0003 parts per million of estrogenic hormone.

Now, you would think that the question of ‘how long was Napoleon’s schlong’ would be of little interest to anybody today —

but, aux contrare, mon frère.

And yes, it does still exist — in New Jersey.

As improbable as it sounds, Napoleon’s knob was sold at auction in 1977 for $3000 — and ended up in the hands of a urologist from the Garden State.

Apparently, he collects em.

The object in question was first removed from the original owner during the autopsy in the 19th century.

An English TV documentary recently verified it’s authenticity,
and —
……. errr…. other details about it.  small

Not to make a big thing out of it, or anything—
but, well, it was pretty damn petite.

About an inch and a half.

Which explains what coulda been the last words of Josephine —

Est-il encore?

Hey, buddy… read a book.

.

HOY!
.

napoleon

 

Weird News- Noodlin’ Doodle

doodleNow that most of all the holiday action is outta the way,

…. it’s time to focus a bit more on our world-famous regularly scheduled Muscleheaded Blog features…

…. like the Weird News.

And actually, since our last weird news post,

there’s been a backlog of unbelievably weird and/or stupid acts being committed by still even more unbelievably weird and/or stupid folk, that we haven’t had time to tell you about.

(Note: I guess this is where I should mention that all criminal suspects are considered innocent until they are found guilty in a court of law.)

Take this picture —
from Facebook.  dangling

You may have a bit of difficulty making out what’s going on here,
so I’m gonna explain it.

Police say that a certain resident of Greenville, S.C. who will remain un-named ( by the name of Tyler Smith )
was faced with a quandary one rainy day in December.

His parent’s doggie needed to go out — you know… OUT
his parents were out of town,
….. and so Tyler was faced with a dilemma .

On the one hand, the doggie would make a mess in the second floor apartment if he didn’t take her out —

But it was raining, as I said,
…. and that meant Tyler was gonna have to put some pants on and risk getting drizzled on himself.

OH hell no, he probably thought —
man has set foot on the moon–
surely, Tyler with his superior intelligence could come up with an alternative that would keep both him and his carpet dry.

And thus, his solution — tying the dog to his leash and a harness, and lowering him out a window……
…….  giving new meaning to the term “hang dog “.

And as everything else weird about this world is , these days, it was captured by a neighbor’s cellphone camera, and posted on the internet for all to marvel at.

Greenville police were particularly impressed — arresting the idiot innovator for violating the Animal Care Ordinance.

He faces a one grand fine and 30 days in jail.

Now, being a dog-lover myself, you might suspect that I mighta got a little miffed about this when I heard about it.

The awful and mean-spirited part of my nature started to peek up from over the precipice of my otherwise relatively civilized demeanor.

I started having fantasies of driving down there and suspending a certain nameless individual from that same implement, no pants required.

I mean, 30 days in the Greenville County Jail might be scary, but he’ll be nowhere near as scared as that dog was, hanging from that second story balcony on that jury-rigged wire/harness assembly.

On the other hand, I can be a very effective communicator of pain and fear when I put my mind to it.

But I think I would have to stand in line….

And the South Carolina trooper who told me the story wasn’t thinking about using the harness.

.

National Public Radio has had it’s share of interesting guests over the years, but rarely one as candid as Pharmaceutical Company representative Gregg Alton —

medicalApparently, the company acquired rights to a cure for Hepatitis C, which requires 84 daily doses, and for which the company plans to charge $1000 per dose — or a total of $84,000 per patient.

Asked if the company would reduce the price after it recouped it’s investment, the representative replied :
That’s very unlikely….  but I appreciate the thought “.

You might be thinking that what he said doesn’t qualify as a crime — and you’re right.

But what the drug companies and big medical are doing to the sick, poor and working people of this country certainly is.

.

brevardRon Neilson was tired of the same old Halloween decorations in his neighborhood of Palm Bay, Florida.

He figured he’d spruce up the festivities—

by burning a cross on his lawn.

And you know how spiteful ‘old man Karma’ can be —–

In this case, Neilson decided to douse his cross with some gasoline to get the whole thing going …….

and whhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooosssssh .

He had to be airlifted to an Orlando hospital to treat his severe burns, over 40% of his body.

It’s a shame they weren’t in his conscience.

I really don’t know how we’re all gonna learn to get along, as long as we keep fuckin’ with each other.. really I don’t.

.

And while we’re talking about Florida, meet 32 year old Carlos Romero.

carlosromeroHe’s what you call an ‘ass-man’.

Yep.

He was accused of having it off with a miniature donkey named “Doodle”–

— carrying on an extended relationship with the animal, and others, because:

Quote-
people have been known to “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and are “promiscuous.”

Animals, he said, “are usually there for you” and “do not seek other pleasures.” Their feelings are “100 percent honest,” he added.

He admitted pleasuring the donkey with his finger, but explained that they had not fully consummated their relationship because Doodle “wasn’t ready“.

He also said that “Florida is a backwards state“, for frowning upon bestiality, which, up until 2011, wasn’t even a crime there.

Since that initial arrest for noodlin’ Doodle, Romero pleaded guilty to a lesser charge, and had to give up his donkey as part of the deal.

I miss her “, he said.

I was gonna make a joke about people not having sex with alligators, but it turns out that it’s actually been done, so… it’s not all that funny all of a sudden.

Oh, my aching head.

.
judgement

Your Weekly Crime Blotter

a

Here’s your weird crime blotter for this week……

Don’t Taze Me Flo…… :

An old lady in Maine was charged with using her Tazer on a Highway Patrol Officer.

She did tell him to leave her house, or she’d taze him…

I guess he kinda figured she was kiddin’.

She wasn’t.

This incident occurred during an investigation over whether she had too many cats in her home…

It turned out that she had over 70.

Watch out, Officer…
….. that elderly kitty cat has claws, and plenty of back up .

bThis lady, a resident of the weirdo capital of the world, (Florida) was arrested for repeatedly calling the 911 emergency number after visiting her local McDonald’s and being told they were out of Chicken McNuggets.

She insisted that the Police force the restaurant to come up with em, regardless.

‘Cause she wanted em, dammit.

I keep sayin….

It’s gotta be something in the food, ya know?
.
.

c“Hey Ringo……
I’m trying to get some sleep here….

A geezer in San Antonio is charged with shooting his son for practicing on his drums.

I’m not sure if the guy had a migraine, or if the kid just couldn’t play too good.

Luckily, the geezer was no better at shooting than the kid was at playing…

…. and only a flesh wound resulted.

Of course, if the guy practiced his shooting as much as his kid practiced the drums, well, this story mighta turned out much messier.

It just goes to show you….

Practice makes problems.

dA different kinda recess……..

Nicole A*******f of North Dakota doesn’t like police officers much, from the way she treats em.

Or maybe it’s just a kinky thing she likes to do, I dunno.

… she was arrested for kicking an officer in the groin several times.

They arrived at her residence after receiving a complaint that she was broadcasting porn to an elementary school.
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Congratulations are in order?

A 36 year old Massachusetts man has reached a milestone in his criminal career…

—  72 criminal convictions…
2 for each year of his life.

The latest 3 came in October, when he was convicted of battery,

…. after he spat in a woman’s face.

Some guys just acquire a taste for prison bologna sandwiches , I guess.

fZatoichi Lives…

……………. in Western Pennsylvania.

Carl Miller, 47, was arrested at the local county courthouse after he attempted to pass through the metal detectors with a sword disguised as a cane…

He claimed that he had no knowledge that the cane contained a hidden blade.

Ahh so.

No word if the judge insisted on a free massage or not.
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She’s Got Ya by the Balls….

In Eustis, Florida, a mother and daughter were arrested after beating each other up…

They were fighting over the guy they were both dating.

Ya know, a regular cat fight… and right in front of boy friend.

This charming scene was further aggravated by the mother grabbing the aforesaid ‘ lucky?? boyfriend ‘ by the testicles and attempting to rip them off for him.

Police intervened before the impromptu surgery could be successfully performed.

He might just want to cool it with both women for a while….

And maybe ice that whole thing down.

Just sayin.

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Now it’s time to play ‘ what’s wrong with this picture? ‘ ——–

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