Mailbag Madness

One of my
regular readers
was nice enough
to point out
that we haven’t
done a real cool
Mail-Bag post
in a couple weeks……

Or even
a lousy one.

Cripes.

Hey-
you’re right,
and there are some
really neat-o things
in there, that I’ve
just been itchin’
to share.

Ok,
so maybe that itch
would clear up by itself,
but still….

I can tell you
that my gym’s
A/C has been
out all week,
and I’m really
getting acclimated
to all this hot,
humid weather that
we’ve been getting here,
albeit involuntarily….

The pleasure of
just sitting in a
nice, cool office
and
writing about it
(instead of screaming at
the owner of the gym)
has made for a
rather bizarre mood
on my part….

Of course,
it’s also
5 in the morning,
which adds to the
whole idiosyncratic
feeling of the thing.

Hopefully,
that might show
up in the post,
who knows.

Sexy?
I’m not sure.

Mentally stimulating?
Probably not.

Funny?
Hmmmm… well?

But it’s sure to be
interesting, anyhoo.

Hey, John —

Get the gym’s
AIR CONDITIONING
FIXED, man !!!!!!!!

.

Cooking Claptrap

It’s always nice to
get interesting
picture submissions —
although sometimes,
it can be an exercise
in ambivalence.

My friend Jen was nice
enough to send me a
couple of vintage recipe
cards that made me
very happy,
and awful queasy,
at the same time. 

After all —
the above recipe card
calls for making
something called
” Crown Roast
Of Frankfurters “-

— in other words,
Hot Dog-A-La-Fancy-Pants.

I dunno how many words
I can find to express my
horror at this idea, but :

YUCK
REPULSIVE
GROSS
OVERBLOWN
and NASTY
come immediately to mind.

We’re not even gonna try
to deduce what that
off-white whipped looking
crap ( with pimentos? )
is on top of that mess —

Carrots?
Yeah,
so maybe they’re carrots.

Even worse.

Oh, and look —
it’s got Broccoli, too.

Can you say :
Burn The Cook At The Stake ?

Yeah.
Simple torture’s not good
enough for him, man.

Look.
I don’t have anything
against hot-dogs….

I love a giant all-beef dog
served Chicago style.

But don’t crap in my bowl
and tell me it’s
molasses and oatmeal.

That’s just wrong,
man, wrong.

And then,
for a side course,
I guess you could have
the ‘Jello and Limp
Leftover Vegetables’ salad…..

AUUUUGGGGHHH
— my poor digital tummy !!!!!!

I’m almost speechless at
the level of feeble, uninspired,
commercialized-crapola-cooking
shown in these recipes.

What I can say is –
these aren’t the only
horrible vintage
recipes out there.

And you can rest assured,
we here at the
Muscleheaded Blog
will keep you updated
and informed about ’em
as we find em.

Hey-
we’re only doing our duty.

!!!!! CHEERS !!!!!!

Oh No-Not More Terrible Album Covers

Yesterday,
I pried you
with liquor –

– – – and now,
well,
I’m ready to make
my move.

Boy Howdy,
am I.

Ok-

so, I’m not 
going to try
and con you into
reading this post
by telling you that
we have some
beautiful peoples
prancing around
naked as jay-birds ,

(–woohoo–)

or a sure-fire method
on how to make
millions of dollars
with which you
could use to
conceivably lavish
your favorite
Müscleheaded
blogger with fancy cars,
expensive clothes,
exotic travel options,
and other pricey
shit that he
really doesn’t need,

but certainly wouldn’t
turn ’em down
if they wuz free —-

Nope.

I’m just going to
be completely honest
with you and tell you
that it’s time once
again for another post
about lousy album covers.

Oh sure,
we’ve done it before.

Like
in:  ” Album Covers
Album Covers
and “Album Covers ” .

But, similar to so many
other cheap contrivances
we use around here to
make our regular
readers miserable,
we find bad album covers
that strike just the
right chord to
match the
frequency of nails
scratching relentlessly
against a virtual
blogging chalkboard
somehow rewarding
in our own sweet,
sadistic way.

Let me tell you —
we have some
major garblefucked
LP covers for you
long-suffering subs
(ahem) errr….
subscribers today.

Hey-
there’s really
no need to go into
detail about things
like how:

somebody who designs
an album cover should
have at least a soupçon
of artistic talent —

— or how a person
appearing on an
album cover should
project the best aspects
of the contents
of said LP
and not own
a smile that
reminds one
of some goober
on the Howdy Doody show..

— or even that a little
background acquired in
Junior High
Graphic Arts class
could go a long way
in improving
these covers.

Naaah —
what’s the point,
right?

They iz
what they iz.

Bad,
worse,
and worser.

Maybe even
worsest,
hell, you
never can tell.

So, as they say
in some parts
of Thailand,
just sit back
and enjoy
the suckage.

( I knew there
was a reason
I was holding
onto that
old garden hose and
those used golf balls. )

Have a little more
Creme Yvette, and
you might even
get to like it.

Just remember
the sacred motto
that we hold
so dear
here at the
ole Müscleheaded Blog-

– that :
“Nothing Exceeds
Like Superfluous Jejunity “.

Umm…
yeah.

No, I don’t have
any idea
what that
means.

Like my old philosophy
professor used to explain
whenever he was asked
about the meaning of life–

” How The Hell
Should I Know? ”

well–

!!!!! HOY !!!!!

.

.

 

 

Not Swell Motels

tingleCrappy Motels.

Ugh.

Over the years,
I have to admit,

that I’ve slept over
in some places
that made one
wonder if the place
was still going
to be standing–hiway

— if and when —

I woke up.

Oh sure–

It’s sometimes a
matter of necessity.

Where you are isn’t
where you’re going,jacky

but you can’t get
there right now.

So, you’re stuck —

somewhere,
errrr…. else.

And that
somewhere else is …19

…….. like,
nowheresville, man.

Other times,

it’s simply because:

you exercised even
less good judgment
than usual…

were motivated by
the promise of
a jiffy lube,

involving a
friendly-enough-for-
present-circumstances
and certainly-curvaceous-
plenteous girl,

— standing by the sign
that perpetually blinks
“VACANT” —

and a 25-cents-for-3-minutesclwon
vibro-message bed
that you already
have to know

won’t work right,

(but ends up costing more than curvaceous plenteous)

and the assorted dick
residual effects
of a quart and a half
of Wild Turkey
with Guinness chasers.

Or, maybe:

it was your thrifty side
that suddenly kicked in
just long enough
to make you regret checking
into the cheapest fleabag
in the tri-state area.

Oh sure,
good decision,
there, pal.

Damn it,
the black and white TV
with the ‘OUT OF ORDER’
sign in the lobby100%
was bad enough —

but,
why would any
dependable inn-keeper
keep a gold framed
autographed portrait
of Crazy Charlie Manson
behind the check-in desk ???

Even the ‘French Tickler’
for a quarter vending
machine in the lobby
should have told you
somethin’ —-cadilaac

Yeah, I know….

there’s all sorts of stuff
that can go
wrong/right,
in/out or at
those kinds of places,

— and while you were
actually hoping
for a few of them —tx

others–
the ones you actually got
well, not so much.

The place advertised
brand new hand-held
showers —

A shiny galvanized bucket
and a hosebitoparis
isn’t exactly what
you expected,
but, oh well.

Not a big deal….
you never smell
all that good anyway.

The expression ‘Recently Remodeled’
can be misleading at times —

Especially,
when it was forced
remodeling —ky

— due to the fact that
the State had built
that 8 lane super-highway
too close to some
of the rooms.

Coincidence?

Hey-

Who knew your room
would end up being in
the middle of a
median strip?a1

And that stuff about
the place being built
on an old Indian
burial mound….

Looking at the walls,
that does seem to
be a distinct possibility.

The old circa-1926
motel sign should have
sparked off all kinds
of idiot-lights,
ya know.

They didn’t even bother
to permanently conceal
the “ALL ROOMS $5″
part of the sign all that well.

And you do know that if
the blank space on that sign
is filled by a phrase like:

YES THE HEAT IS
NOW WORKING AGIN
” —sale

well,

— ok, fine,
if it’s August, maybe —
but notice
they didn’t mention
Air Conditioning at all.

Of course,
accepting credit cards
is a must —sunset

— but who ever heard
of a motel accepting
J.C. Penney’s cards?

And,
the phrase
‘seasonal pool in every room’
mightn’t really tell you the full story —

when the phrase
‘gaping hole in the roof’ fowler
would have been much
more descriptive.

I get the idea of
posting rates on the sign.

I always appreciate
that if I’m coming off the highway.

But remember,

HOURLY rates are never
considered a positive indicator
in the hotel industry.loli

And it’s nice that
folks can bring their dogs
with them when they
travel, and all —-

But I don’t remember
having fleas, impetigo and hookworms before I
checked into that place.

Come on, man —

I don’t mind the place
running promotions
to draw in business…….

acBut who ever heard
of a legitimate motel
with a sign advertising
” FREE CRACK ” ?

Wait–
maybe they’re talking
about that girl
hanging out by the office, again.

Hmmmmmm…..

I wonder if they still got any of those $5 dollar rooms left.

HOY!

.

a1a

Are You Going With Me

Yes,
now that you
don’t mention it,
it has been kinda
a long time since
we’ve done one of our
world-not-famous
Muscleheaded
‘road-trippin’ posts —

I like doing them
because there’s always
something weird or
wonderful to see
and share –

– things off the beaten path,

– things that aren’t usually
talked about –

– perhaps because they’re
out of fashion,
or
maybe it’s simply
‘out of sight,
out of mind’.

Still, I find these places
just about everywhere I go.

They’re never too crowded,
and often the directions
are hazy on how to get there,
even from the locals.

But these places serve kinda
like trail markers for those
who pursue that vaunted
‘ road less traveled ‘ .

Highway, schlyway —

Who needs the
Interstate Highway
if you want to really
SEE a place.

Of course, sometimes
the problem is
that the
old road that used
to go there
(where-ever ‘there’ is)
has not only been
replaced, but re-purposed
by those who built
the Interstate –

– like long stretches of what
they formerly called
” Route 66 ” –

but since it’s now a
limited access highway,
it completely bypasses
the place altogether.

In other words,
you can’t get there from here“.

(You used to hear that
phrase a lot here
in North Carolina)

It might take you 50 miles
to the next exit, and an
absolute navigational
nightmare to find it, then–

— but it’s still out there,
just waiting for you
to rediscover it.

And you know damn
well it’s worth it —

No matter how
big or small,
important or trivial,
relatively commonplace
or just plain weird —

— it’s some place where
hardly anybody else
has really seen —

— and you gotta
go see it, man.

.

Hey …….

—->> LOOK <<—–

Here’s a couple links
to previous ‘road trippin’
posts to get you on track.

What a coincidence !

(and there are more
if you look in my archive… )

Weird Statues

Kentucky 

Southeast

Northeast 

A Mixed Bag

Weirdly Named

Connecticut 
.

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!