Give It To Her

Sorry.

I couldn’t resist,
you know.

It seemed like such
a funny concept for
a post title.

I can’t help but wonder
how much she’d like
that plastic thing if
you were actually following
the bold print demand
on the ad .

Hmmmmm…..
and only
“…. five minutes does the job“.

Hardly seems worth
taking your shirt
and socks off for.

But if that’s too
fast for you,
I guess it’s a lucky thing
that there also seems
to be someone else
waiting in the wings.

And although she doesn’t
have morning breath,
she does have a terrible
habit of getting sticky stuff
all over the furniture. 

(well, now that I think
about it, so do I… )

Ahem.

About now,
I’m trying to figure out
just why this great
1900’s postcard reminds
me of the fact that old-timey boarding houses had signs
saying ‘No Eating In Rooms’ ?

Ba-Bop-Domp.

We do seem to be on an
ill-conceived advertising
trip this week, despite
my intentions to do
something fresher and
more original.

But, you know,
sometimes ‘MOR’ is less.

In other words,
the less ‘MOR’ the better.

Maybe I’m just confused.

I didn’t want to
be a blogger, anyway.

I wanted to be a lumberjack.
Leaping from tree to tr…..

Wait —

I’m pretty sure that
one’s already been done, too.

Damn.

 

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It’s Getting Wurst

What ?

Another food-based
post,
ya say ?

Well,
let me tell you …

There’s no
food subject
that can as get
as vintagely weird
as today’s
choice cut.

And as usual,
you can blame
acheerp couple of my
readers for bringing
up the subject .

I’m not gonna mention
any names, but……..

One of them ( C )
asked me
if I had any cool cards
about ‘sausage’.zion

Now,
I’m not saying
she has a dirty mind,

— and of course,
mine is as pure as
the driven slush —

Anyhoo,
I told her that it
sounded like a good idea
(for a post, that is).

She said,saus
OK,
wise-guy,
let’s see what you got.

Well,
I had kinda stashed
the whole thing away,
until I decided to
whip it out today. wurst

In a manner of speaking, anyway.

Hmmmm….
since I don’t have
a macro lens,
I guess she’ll just have
to settle for old postcards.nap

But of course,
I do got some VERY
saucy stuff on sausages,

–there was a lot of vintage humor published about it —

I guess our grandparents
found sausages pretty suggestive, too.

Although,
with the purity
of my mind,
I wouldn’t have a clue
about why.

Ahem.

Once you get to a1
thinking about it,
though —

There is an interesting
variety of published
sausage references:

They run the gamut:sausagetree

— from corny puns
like the old sign from
“South of the Border” ..

— travel postcards
with highlights like this
‘sausage tree ‘ in Miami ..

 

— yes, there’s a tree
in South Florida like
that …

Not exactly a
must-see,
but what the hell.
pound
There was
the old saying :

” Not having a sausage”
which meant that you
were really broke, man.

Been there,
done that,
certainly.

Hmmm….

There’s always the
sausage-shaped
dachshund hounds
to consider :sausagedog

(I mean,
who doesn’t love doggies?)

— and then there’s
more dated humor —

like this next one —
which somehow
ties canines and
sausage-making
to the invention
of the RCA Victrola
and the whole rip-off
that was, and is,
the music business.

Oh, I see art
the connection…

uhhhh.

But who’d wanna do
that to a little doggie?

Mystery meat, indeed.

mystery

And while we’re
tying in almost
completely
unrelated things,
why not make a
Michelin Man
(and woman)
out of pork sausage
as a costume ? michelinsausage

Same rubbery
texture, right?

I bet they’re a lot
of fun on the weekends.

Furries,
move over –

There’s now smokies.

I dunno what’s worse.

Or wurst.

Maybe more dogs…german

There’s a couple of
old World War I
English postcards
that characterize the
German Kaiser as
a fat bratwurst
about to be chewed
up by the British Bulldog.

And, sausa
of course,
phallic dirty-butcher
jokes are a common
enough theme….

Not that he could sell
enough of that to that
type clientele to stay sausagecharmer
in business,

I wouldn’t think,
anyway.

But, many are
the opportunities
to try and get a
rise out of folks….

If you whistle
the right tune
or have the
correct bait.

And there’s always link
people who try to
make something
romantic out of
ANYTHING,
naturally …..

Then again,
there’s plenty
of references felix
to stuff that
I just don’t
get at all.

Maybe it’s just
a reference
lost in time and space.

Or maybe –
it’s Felix the Cat
and a weird
hot dog reference.

Now, what?

Well,
when in a pinch,
go with the classics,
I always say.

This postcard was
designed by DWIG —

— Clare Victor Dwiggins
himself.

Actually ,
he did a series of them 
called “The Wurst Girl”
in the early 1900’s.

Do I know
what the hell
they mean?

Nope.

But I guess when
there’s a sausage
in the joke,

— it doesn’t have
to have much
more of a punchline ?

!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

wurstgirl

.
.
PS:

Jen from Blog It or Lose It
sent me these last two:

saus

.

Uhm… well,
I guess it depends
on what’s for dinner…..

hotdogs

I think they forgot the celery salt.

Oh well.

Cheers !!!

 

Chief Greenleaf’s Treasure

2

A hidden labyrinth,
containing the riches
and history of a
long lost civilization,
dating back 5000 years —

— could this treasure
really be buried under
the city of Los Angeles ?

Hmmm…
well, Los Angeles has
always been a strange place.

It’s not just the
whole Hollywood scene
that makes it that way, either.

If you believe the story
of one G. Warren Shufelt,
it’s much, much weirder
than anyone of us would
even believe.

In 1933, G. Warren Shufelt
was just a run of the mill
Los Angeles mining engineer
searching the area for gold
or oil with which to
make a fortune.

For this purpose,
he had developed a
‘radio x-ray’ device,
that could penetrate
the ground and locate
minerals and other
subterranean features.

He claimed that it
worked using a
principle of :
“emanations and
gravitational factors”
shufelt
upon matter
which influenced the
pendulum —

he claimed to be able
to trace someone by a
single hair strand using it.

The gizmo was described
in the Los Angeles Times
this way:

” Shufelt’s radio device consists chiefly of a cylindrical glass case inside which a plummet attached to a copper wire held by the engineer sways continually, pointing, he asserts, toward minerals or tunnels below the surface of the ground, and then revolves when over the mineral or swings in prolongation of the tunnel when above the excavation. ”

Now, to you,
perhaps that thing
sounds less like a
radio x-ray machine,
and more like a
dowsing device —

— well, boy, do you
have a suspicious mind.

Because despite the lack
of anything in the device
even remotely like radio,
or x-rays, Shufelt insisted
that the magic box could,
indeed, find all sorts of
neat-o stuff, if he could
just use it to scan the city….

The city fathers decided
to let him have at it.

So he did….
he charted almost the
entire downtown area
using his device.

After several months work,
he announced the amazing
results of his survey:

He said he had found
numerous underground
labyrinths spread out
all over the city
( I should say —
‘under the city’ )
and GOLD —
a whole mess of it.

paper3“My radio x-ray pictures of tunnels and rooms, which are subsurface voids, and of gold pictures with perfect corners, sides and ends, are scientific proof of their existence,”
Shufelt said.

Wow.. that really musta
been advanced technology.

Who’d expect a weight
attached to a copper string
to be able to do all that?

All he needed to do
was go get the goodies.

There was, of course,
a small problem.

Actually,
two small problems.

One problem was that –
– very inconsiderately–
somebody had built a
rather large metropolis
right on top of Shufelt’s treasure.

Yep.
3
It seems that the areas of real interest, as far as gold was concerned anyway–

… ran from Mount Washington to the LA Public Library, from Hill Street east to Spring Street , from Sunset to Broadway, and from Santa Monica, all the way up to Pasadena.

There was a lotta things in the way–

like buildings, cars, people and stuff.

Shufelt figured a way
around that, though.

He would drill a shaft down
into the ground over
one of the gold stashes,
and once he hit pay dirt,
he’d show the city council
that he was, indeed, right,
and they’d be more thanpaper2
happy to move the city
and share in the loot.

Problem one solved.

Problem two was
a bit more…..
well…, complicated .

You see, problem two
was that the theoretical
gold didn’t belong to him.

Those underground tunnels
that he located with his
radio x-ray gizmo weren’t
built by the city , and the
city didn’t know anything
about any large deposits
of refined gold, either.

Obviously, if they were there,
they were put there –
– by who–
I mean, …. whom ?

Nope,
not whom , neither.

WHAT .

You see, while Shufelt
had been surveying the city,
he met a guy who said
he was a Hopi Indian,
and called himself
Little Chief Greenleaf.

And the Little Chief told
Shufelt how the underground
rooms, tunnels, and gold got there.

laIt seems, according to the Chief, that about 5000 years ago, there was this race of “Lizard People” living in LA at the time…

They had used a special chemical technology that would bore the tunnels without the necessity of digging, and had laid their underground city out in the shape of a lizard.

There had been 1000 Lizard People families altogther, and they had taken shelter in the caverns during a “great catastrophe” – described by Greenleaf as a huge tongue of fire, emanating “out of the Southwest, which threatened to destroy all life in it’s path“.

They had stashed their personal belongings in the underground labyrinths, and recorded all their history and technology onto large golden plates– 4 feet long by 14 inches wide.4

The problem for Shufelt, of course, was that they were supposed to come back for it one day, and they’d be very disappointed if somebody made off with their goodies in the meantime.

Still, Little Chief reckoned,
there wouldn’t be any harm
just looking at the stuff,
ya know….

So, Shufelt and Chief Greenleaf obtained a vacant lot
at 518 North Hill Street-
directly above one of the
‘ larger caches’ , and applied
for a permit to dig.

In exchange for 50%
of everything recovered there,
the city gave them permission
to sink a shaft 50 feet deep.

And dig they did.

They got to fifty feet
pretty quickly,
but found nothing.

They went back to the city
and got a permit for
a deeper hole, and
dug some more.

They got to 250 feet,
and water started pouring
into the pit .

They had reached
the water table…
and still no sign of
the Lizard King
and his treasure.

At least that we,
or the city of Los Angeles,
is aware of , anyway.

In March, 1934,
the dig was suddenly
discontinued,
the site abandoned,
and the hole filled in.

No more was heard
of the fabulous lost city,
the gold, the Lizard People,
or Shufelt.

Asked about it in 1947,
the head of the LA Chamber of Commerce replied:

It is quite possible, of course, that the supposed labyrinth really exists. But in view of the fact that the overlaying area is the immediate Civic Center area where an important building program is to be carried out, including federal, state, and city building, there is little probability of any further excavations.

From time to time,
interest in the tunnels —

… yes, there are tunnels under LA–

called the “Banning Tunnels”
after a mansion that sat near
there in the 1880’s —

and the whole “Lizard People”
myth is revived, but nothing
of value as been so far found.

Several writers have suggested
that the Shufelt story is the
basis of the more recent malarkey
of a reptilean conspiracy
secretly running the government….

If so, then, at least one person-
author David Icke- has profited
from Little Chief Green Leaf’s
Lizard People legend.

But then, as my Irish
Uncle Tommy used to say:

Spin a good yarn,
and they’ll follow you
home every time
“.

And he knew a good bit
about the blarney, himself.

Cheers !!!

elvgren
.